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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ask whats the problem with MIL buying thier own clothes for their GC?

125 replies

MintJulip · 13/07/2016 11:49

My mil does this and I see it much mentioned on MIL threads.

My MIL is always buying new clothes for the dc, sometimes she gives them to us sometimes not. I can tell she is slightly irked when she sees I have brought new clothes for them. The dc will often come back in new outfits and any pics they send to us from their house dc are in different clothes than what I dressed them in.
I personally have long issues with MIl and fil, but I just wondered what is it about this specific issue of clothes that other posters find odd?

OP posts:

ProcrastinatorGeneral · 13/07/2016 11:51

Because it's fucking rude when it's constant. It's a judgement on parenting and it's not necessary.

NataliaOsipova · 13/07/2016 11:53

It implies that you have poor taste in clothes and that their judgement should prevail. It's one thing if it's done out of practicality (eg spares in case of an accident/unexpected stay/messy play etc), but quite another if it's on a regular basis.

Flisspaps · 13/07/2016 11:54

Because grandchildren are not dollies to dress up in outfits for your own enjoyment.

Because it makes a statement about the GPs thoughts on undermining even the smallest decisions regarding your DC.

A GP Buying the odd new outfit as a gift to wear whenever (which is normal, and kind) is not the same as changing a child's outfit every time they visit just because the GP wants them to wear what THEY have chosen (which is just fucking weird).

ExcuseMyEyebrows · 13/07/2016 11:55

It's very strange. Children are not dolls for grandparents to dress up.

The message is that the clothes you buy for your own children are not good enough in her opinion.

Pinkheart5915 · 13/07/2016 11:56

As long as baby ds comes back in something clean when mil takes him places which is a couple of times a week, I don't really care what he's wearing.

She is his grandma and buys him a few outfits she dresses him in because she likes to see him wear it or take a photo.

Can anybody get that worked up over clothing

ReginaBlitz · 13/07/2016 11:56

Because let's be fair they buy shite crap that you wouldn't even dress a reborn in.

ExcuseMyEyebrows · 13/07/2016 11:56

X-post Fliss

branofthemist · 13/07/2016 11:57

I don't mind it. Neither does dh. I am quite happy when mum sends kids back in different clothes. Saves me time and money.

Mum has a stash of clothes at her house and we swop them about.

The kids go to mums on a Friday after school about once a month. So it saves me sending Them clothes to school.

But I think for some people they see it as a judgment and in some cases, it is.

Where I see it as 'mum saw these shorts and knew Dd would like them so got them'

couldntlovethebearmore · 13/07/2016 11:58

My MIL has done this with all mine and it winds me the fuck up. Shes now started with the baby (9 year age gap) it pisses me off its like hes a little dolly to dress up.

grannytomine · 13/07/2016 11:58

I have play clothes for grandchildren as my DIL buys quite expensive clothes and is very particular about their appearance. I would rather have some t shirts, shorts etc from Primark or Tesco's so we can go to the beach and get in a mess without spoiling the lovely things she buys them. She doesn't stop them playing but I just feel it would be awkward if they went home with their £30 top wrecked when I am happy to buy them a £2 one and not worry. My DIL doesn't seem to mind, if she does she hides it well.

branofthemist · 13/07/2016 11:58

Children are not dolls for grandparents to dress up.

But they are dolls for parents to dress up?

ExcuseMyEyebrows · 13/07/2016 11:59

Oh god yes Regina

I am remembering with horror the brown trousers, striped shirt, waistcoat and bow tie combo ex Mil bought for DS when he was 2

grannytomine · 13/07/2016 12:01

I would never send GC home in the clothes I have for them, now DIL would disapprove of that.

bibbitybobbityyhat · 13/07/2016 12:01

Lordy! Do grandparents actually do this? How weird.

ExcuseMyEyebrows · 13/07/2016 12:01

No, branofthemist I didn't say that

user1467101855 · 13/07/2016 12:01

I can tell she is slightly irked when she sees I have brought new clothes for them

Maybe she's irked because its bought, not brought.

My MIL buys lots of clothes for my youngest. It saves me a fortune, makes her happy, and the kid looks nice. I don't get why that would be a problem.

Original poster

MintJulip · 13/07/2016 12:04

ummm.

My Mil buys clothes for everyone though, DH, even DSIL who is 35...She used to buy clothes for me. Of course she dresses FIL I don't think he has ever chosen his own clothes in his life.

OP posts:

TaliZorahVasNormandy · 13/07/2016 12:05

Both sets of grandparents buy lots of clothes for DD. Some come home, some are at their houses for convenience when she stays over. Never bothered me, because they like treating their GD. But I know its not always about treating them, its about judging what the parents buy, that would bother me.

Original poster

MintJulip · 13/07/2016 12:05

Maybe she's irked because its bought, not brought

Ah maybe thats it. She is irked that her DIL was not taught grammar and had no education until she was 10 - and had moved school. Maybe thats it

fuck off

OP posts:

eyebrowsonfleek · 13/07/2016 12:06

Buying clothes because the parents can't afford them, you don't want to damage clothing, the child needs something more appropriate for an activity (eg. wellies for a muddy walk), you see something that the child will like (eg. a specific character) or because you need spare clothes for a child because they are soiled is kindness.

Buying clothes because you think that the parents have poor taste or you have specific ideas about clothing in mind (eg boys shouldn't wear certain colours) is not.

jumpjumpformylove · 13/07/2016 12:10

I could understand a GP buying new clothes to change the children into, if for instance, they turned up wearing tracksuits and football tops when she wanted to take them somewhere nice.

I know someone who always dressed her child in clothes too small, so everyone had a small stash of clothes to change her into when she stayed.

Artandco · 13/07/2016 12:10

It's wierd

I would down it strange if you changed mine just because they were wearing an expensive top for example for the beach. To me I buy nice clothes so they can wear, if they get muddy they can be washed so it's no issue. I wouldn't be happy if grandparents then bought and dressed them in primark clothes. I don't buy them for a reason, and that's I don't like primarl and other companies policy on child labour and paying staff pennies. So you buying the cheap crap would be supporting it

I would rather what ours do, ask what clothes children need ie next size up, and buy one decent item that they can then wear all the time. Gets far more use then and actually useful

WhereYouLeftIt · 13/07/2016 12:11

"My MIL is always buying new clothes for the dc, sometimes she gives them to us sometimes not. I can tell she is slightly irked when she sees I have brought new clothes for them. "
She's irked? Now that's odd! And what it says to me is that she thinks she has the right to decide how your child is dressed. That she's in charge. No, I wouldn't like that at all.

Original poster

MintJulip · 13/07/2016 12:17

Probably whereyouleft , mil has always been funny over clothes! Its like she is the family clothes buyer.

She severely tried to stop me buying a single thing for first DD. She kept saying " but I have all these clothes for you upstairs". It was about two body suits, two sleep suits a cute cardigan and hat!

I think with mine, the fact she wants to buy for us all...dilutes the direct " I dont like what you dress them in". in my case.

Funnily enough her DM, Dh GP, once said to me " oh I like their clothes" and Mil shot me a foul look ( they were my choice clothes).

Interesting replies, I get it more as to why it might be an issue. I think my own MIL has so many issues round this subject in general though. And I do like some of the things she buys but not others.

OP posts:

Original poster

MintJulip · 13/07/2016 12:19

And what it says to me is that she thinks she has the right to decide how your child is dressed

sil has handed over full dressing to MIL and often says " dm what am I wearing then". she would like to dress us all imagine that

OP posts:

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