Things I do to make DH want to scream.

[Reality]

Just to counter the other thread

I smoke.

I put my biscuit wrappers/banana skin in my empty coffee cup and leave it there until later.

I get him to make all my coffees if he's in the house.

I sometimes MN at the dinner table.

I put my cold feet on him in bed to warm them up.

Other than that I'm completely perfect obviously

I secretly eat M&Ms in bed, then let the wrappers drop down behind the headboard.

I am disgusting.

I put my cold feet on him in bed to warm them up.

Every single night.

I put my shoes next to the shoe rack instead of on it

I smoke

I have long hair and it gets everywhere

I forget to dry the wall after a shower, although I do dry the rim of the bath and the floor

There are probably -loads- more but that's off the top of my head

Ah ffs, strikeout fail

Hoover very early in the morning

Be totally rubbish at anything remotely practical like putting up shelves, drilling, fixing my bike etc so he always has to do it

Park at a jaunty angle

I fart

I leave yoghurt pots and food wrappers on the sofa where he wants to sit (on the basis that I'm not getting up yet)

I wait for him to stand up and then say 'while you're up...' To send him on an errand for me

I occasionally leave plates with food on them on the side, having walked past the bin to put it there.

I'm a bed hog and a light sleeper so I fidget

I'm too practically minded and not taken to flights of romance

Oh I do 'while you're up' as well.

And I give the dog my leftovers.

I never put the lids back on anything properly. He picks up things by the lid.

I would leave me if I could.

I put my biscuit wrappers/banana skin in my empty coffee cup and leave it there until later.
My dh does this and it drives me batty.

I talk during the tennis/football /soccer/euros/cycling and most other meaningless sports. In my defence, I wouldn't be able to talk at all, if I stayed quiet during all of them.

I make him be my butler and fetch me things even if I'm closer

I hold in burps and then make a 'tshh' noise.

I leave my keys in the door.

I make him get out of bed to let me out so I don't disturb the cat on my side.

I scratch my back with the remote.

I nag (I do )

I drink too much.

I buy treats for the whole house and then eat them all myself.

I swear really bad swear words.

I talk too much!!! That's probably top of his list

Let the kids climb on his motorbike (ensuring the centre stand is on first before anyone shouts)

Encourage him to eat crap

Encourage him to buy scratch cards

Treat his car like shit and tell him it's his domain to keep clean

Have 900 air freshener on the go at once in my car so he steps out of it smelling like 'fluffy towels'

Make him take his shoes off inside

Leave hair in the plughole

Refuse to move or kill any insects inside because I love them

Don't rinse the bubbles off the plates

So much crap he tolerates from my silly peccadilloes, at least I don't do anything major to annoy him she says

Oh god yes I leave my keys in the door too, I actually have a springy thing on them now clipped inside my bag so I can't.

Oh yes, my car.

It's a shit pit. I drive the three year old 'nice' car and it's trashed inside.

He drives a twenty year old VW which is pristine inside and out.

He comments every time he gets in mine.

I also apparently don't brake soon enough at roundabouts.

Well....

Ex always complained that I stole so much of the duvet that I kept the floor on my side of the bed warm while he was freezing.

New bloke has confirmed that I do indeed do this (I had to drag it out of him as he didn't want to tell me, but there was a clue in the fact that he put the heating on during the night....)

But I can't help it, I'm asleep!

I do that loud aaaachooooo sneezy thing that got on everyone's wick on the other thread!

I fart.

I wake up at 4am and sigh lots. I sigh lots anyway. He always wants to know why I'm sighing. It's just because.

I cry at emotional stuff on telly and try not to let him see cos he says 'You're such a girl'. Well, yeah? I am one!

I make him remove spiders.

My hair goes everywhere, I moult loads and he clears out the plughole, bless him!

I leave things like the MOT til the last minute then he ends up taking my car while I have his so he has no car all day :(

I can't make a decision for love nor money. It's always 'I don't mind' when he suggests things.

I don't change gear when he thinks I should

I leave receipts around the house

I am repetitive (when I think I'm being ignored!)

I sometimes serve tomatoes without washing them

I ask him to repeat himself a lot as he mumbles and I struggle to make out what he's saying if there is other noise, even really quiet.

I think they're the biggies, in which case we're probably doing ok!

I almost never put petrol in any of the cars
I am a bed hogging, duvet stealing, starfishing sleeper, who dreams like the dog. (twitching, snuffling and occasional squeaking apparently)
Other than that I am perfection obviously. 3)

I have a floordrobe. I take forever to get ready, particularly in the morning. I always let the rice or pasta boil over and then forgot to wipe the hob. I leave the dishes to drain after I've washed them rather than drying them and putting them away. I insist on keeping the heating in our bedroom turned off and the window open however cold it is outside (but I do let him put his cold feet on me). I would leave me.

"Nag" him to do stuff he hasn't done.
Insist on having my rant out, even though he's trying to walk away, often saying things like "Please make it stop"
Get the hump over his whistling, singing and poking me (NOT a euphemism)
Try to get him to be proactive about, oo, anything non-work related.
Whinge about him playing tennis more than twice a week.

Probably others.

I sit directly in front if him when he's at the crucial part of his video game.

I leave empty glasses everywhere.

I let bins overflow and refuse to take them out even if you can barely see the floor around them

I text him from the bedroom to bring me food because the toddler is asleep on me, when in reality I could probably just move her.