Things I do to make DH want to scream.

[Reality]

Just to counter the other thread

I smoke.

I put my biscuit wrappers/banana skin in my empty coffee cup and leave it there until later.

I get him to make all my coffees if he's in the house.

I sometimes MN at the dinner table.

I put my cold feet on him in bed to warm them up.

Other than that I'm completely perfect obviously

[CheeseToastie123]

I create nests on the sofa, of laptop, cushions, book, newspaper, etc until I am cosily surrounded by all I love and no one else can sit down.

This.

I ride the clutch.

I drink instant coffee.

I talk like a simpleton to the cat.

I nap A. Lot.

[ShatnersBassoon]

I don't let him use the downstairs loo.

I expect him to like and dislike all the same things/people as me, and get all incredulous and won't shut up about it if he doesn't.

[NotMyMoney]

I leave my book everywhere he has learnt not to touch

I'm always buying books for me and the children

I live going to charity shops and buy stuff we don't need

I have no cloth washing and drying system

I buy a big things without discussing it

[NotMyMoney]

Oh I also do a shopping list and tell him where the item/items are in the shop

[MistressChalk]

I clog the bath plug hole with my hair.

I am guilty of the occasional floordrobe if I'm in a rush and trying on a million outfits or just am too tired at the end of a day

I cuddle him awake some mornings when I have wet hair if he's being lazy and won't get up for work.

I pull a cute face at him in the mornings until he offers to get me a cup of tea, I'm not sure how I worked this one out but I don't even need to say anything he just knows I want something and can't resist

I will yell his name hysterically as if I'm being murdered when I come across a huge spider, in my defence it takes him an age to run to my aid if I don't sound panicked.

I cry for no reason at lots of things and it makes him really upset to see me cry.

I forget my lunchbox at work (its usually in my car I just can't be arsed to get it) so he has to use sandwich bags for the lunch he makes me everyday and he moans about wasting sandwich bags.

Iron the clothes I'm wearing 5 minutes before we have leave.

[Doyouthinktheysaurus]

I leave stuff everywhere. I accumulate clutter wherever I go.

I overfill my drawers and just shove as much in as possible to give an illusion of tidiness but when dh puts the washing away, he can't get stuff in.

I moan.

I fart a lot, loudly. Not entirely my fault, have lots of prolapse issues -nearly 14 years post forceps delivery.

[handbags88]

I chew my food noisily.

I leave half drunk cups of juice/water/tea around the living room.

I am unable to wash glasses properly

I change into my pjs straight after our evening meal.

I make hot water bottles for my feet and then kick them out of bed.

I tidy his things and then forget where I have put them.

I ask him if he has locked the front and back doors every night in the middle of the night when we are both sleeping.

[LegoCaltrops]

I shed hair. A lot. When it was waist length it was a real problem & buggered up the hoover.
I run a sink full of hot water then get distracted & forget to wash up.
I buy food that only I like & sometimes forget to finish it by the use-by date.
He would say that I nag. (He would also admit I wouldn't have to if he did things when he said he would.)
I have really bad hayfever & am not a good patient when I feel ill.
I also ask if he's locked the doors, which makes him unsure so he has to go back to check.
I have frequent bouts of aggressive tidying up, during which I am liable to get rid of stuff. (Occasionally his stuff if I'm sick of tripping over it.)

[OSETmum]

Oh god: everything annoys him!

I have no sense of direction or spacial awareness which frustrates him when I'm driving ( it annoys me that this annoys him as I really can't help it).

I stack the pans wrong in the cupboard .

I forget to leave the garage keys in his designated spot.

I forget about the washing and have to rewash it.

I shed hair everywhere.

I hate the Bourne films with a passion, oh and James Bond.

I put too much milk in his tea.

I'm rubbish at shopping.

I can't deviate from my morning routine.

I always leave a bit of cereal cementing onto the bowl til I get home from work.
But what annoys him the most, that I don't understand why it matters, is that when he wants to cuddle me in bed, I can only turn around in one direction or I feel all mixed up.

[LapinR0se]

I lose my phone 64 times a day and wander around lithe house distractedly looking for it.

[LuluJakey1]

I am full of helpful advice for him
I know best
The world would be easier if everyone just did what I tell them am not at all bossy
He knows I am almost always right

[Familyof3or4]

I dissect chocolate. Think kitkat- eat the chocolate first the separate the wafers and eat them separately.

[madcapcat]

And I always demand that he tell me the ending of any film or TV programme while we're watching, even I know that he never will.

[Rarity75]

Read this and thought, fucking hell I'm not alone!!

I breathe, heavily apparently.

I snore.

I smoke.

I drink.

I do not have an encyclopaedic knowledge of the where abouts of his socks.

I do not have a stepford wife scary house proud bone in my body.

I don't hear him talking to me when I'm reading.

Too much time on MN.

Don't give a stuff about football, pool, darts, rugby, etc etc.

Insist on watching Wimbledon and the Tour de France undisturbed (it's only once a year)

Rival Stig of the dump for my car cleanliness

Become moody for no reason there are reasons believe me

[dabofriojakitten]

Loud sneezes.
Do that cliche thing of try everything on in my wardrobe before we go out but end up wearing the first thing I tried.
My dresser is a shit tip.
I get really moody when I'm hungry and refuse to accept that is why I'm moody until I've eaten and am sunshiney again.
I don't load the dishwasher properly.

[HandbagCrazy]

Ooh good thread. I posted on the other one too.

I am a scatty person and often forget things I've arranged

I am in charge of the laundry and sometimes forget to get clothes clean and dry on the right day

I leave a trail of mess behind me when I get in from work. I clear it up before bed but it drives DH nuts.

I sometimes think about something I need to tell him, get home, think I've told him already and just randomly talk about it as if we're mid conversation. He calls these my 'moments' and looks at me like this

In my defence, I am away 100% on his side, look after him sometimes and laugh at his silly, heard them a million times old man jokes

[HandbagCrazy]

I also forget all my feminist women are equal beliefs and become pathetic when faced with a spider / daddy long legs / may bug / ladybird that the dogs can't reach although he secretly enjoys being manly and rescuing me I think

And I get out of the shower / bath and jump
Straight into bed, lying close to him and stealing his body heat to get myself warm.

[roarfeckingroar]

I "wash" the bathroom floor every time I shower.

I make mess.

I leave general detritus EVERYWHERE

I wear an average of three outfits per day (including gym clothes) that go straight in washing bin so he constantly has washing to do (his job like the cleaning and sorting )

I get distracted a lot

I watch v little tv but what I do watch is pretty dreadful

I always let me coffee go cold then smile at him so he makes another pot


Oh I'm awful.

[roarfeckingroar]

Oh and I rant about the patriarchy while conveniently forgetting he does most household things and also treats me with total chivalrous old fashioned loveliness.

And I, too, sleep like a dog (snuffles, snores, whimpers, moving) etc.

Poor DP!

[ThinkPinkStink]

I fart and blame it on being pregnant (I've always done it).

I fart and try to blame it on him.

He only ever farts in private.

When he does the occasional thing that annoys me (usually being too slow careful to perform a manual task (chopping veg)). I audibly bristle, there is no way he can miss the fact that I'm frustrated. Yet I say nothing.

I fob him off by telling him that while he washes up I'll hang out the washing, or make the bed, basically things that take 1/10 the time of doing the washing up. Then I spend 5 minutes on my phone before rushing to finish the task.

I am a baaaad widdle girl!

[HoneyDragon]

I never close ANYTHING lids, doors, packets, books, arguments, appliance doors. I've touched it, it's open.

I no longer smoke or drink and after several years have started going back to the gym. Basically everything he distrusts in people.

He bought me a puppy and I named her Hullygully.

I get mistaken for his daughter. He's only 12 years older than me, poor sod.

[MarbleFox]

DP, not DH but here are a few things I do that I know drive him a bit mental
Spill drinks and drop things, I'm generally really clumsy. It truly drives him mental that I can't go 5 minutes without knocking something over.
I hog the bed AND the duvet/pillows but I'm asleep so that's hardly my fault
I use a ecig and I'm forever losing it leading to me tossing the duvet or couch cushions around at least once an hour.

[HerRoyalNotness]

I mumble. And get annoyed when he doesn't hear me, and he gets annoyed that I mumble.

The DC can hear me perfectly fine, and I them. We must be in tune.

I have the cold feet and steal the covers, but not in summer, then I want him to take his share of the covers.

I'm unemployed, which annoys and stresses both of us tbf.

[MaisieDotes]

I assume complete control of the operational management of the household and get shirty when he doesn't immediately fall in with whatever new system I've decided to introduce without consulting him.

I only cook dinner about half the time. The other half I act surprised that dinner time is imminent (I do the DC's dinner every night though).

I have 5 pairs of slippers and leave them lying around everywhere.

[Buzzybee51]

Husband and I laugh about this stuff together all the time (one way to get through the irritations!)

I constantly ask him to tickle my feet, every time were chilling.
I'm clumsy
I don't wrap opened foods up properly
I comment on peoples (his) loud eating!
My needing to walk fast everywhere
Not really listening to instructions he gives (yeah yeah ok..)
Not opening letters.
etc etc

I think my list is longer than his :)) Someone on the last post mentioned why I told DH 'his list' - don't you all jest about this stuff with your OHs?!