Things I do to make DH want to scream.

[Reality]

Just to counter the other thread

I smoke.

I put my biscuit wrappers/banana skin in my empty coffee cup and leave it there until later.

I get him to make all my coffees if he's in the house.

I sometimes MN at the dinner table.

I put my cold feet on him in bed to warm them up.

Other than that I'm completely perfect obviously

Oh and clutter up cupboards - out of sight out of mind. The tuppawear cupboard being his biggest enemy!
My hair falling out all over
My dry shampoo making everything in the bathroom dusty!

I never close cupboard doors or drawers after opening them. It's the first thing he does when he walks in.

And I leave a massive trail of destruction behind me when I am cooking.

I smoke.
I throw the vegetable peelings in the bin, not in the compost.
I cook terribly.
I put things away before he's finished using them.
I drive quite badly.

I step out of my clothes in the bedroom and leave them there. He moans because I tell the kids not to do it.

I also leave my shampoo, shower gel conditioner next to the bath taps when I get out of the shower along with my dirty clothes on the bathroom floor again I tell the kids to tidy up after themselves but it seems I'm the worse one for it.

I hoard bottles of water on my bedside table. All half full. I'm a scruff.

Poor DH.

Buzzybee you know, reading through both of these threads I've realised I should really, really change my attitude towards these day to day domestic "troubles". I suspect being a sahm for almost 5 years has helped create a lot of resentments.

I never wash up
I leave towels on the bed
I leave worn clothes on the chair
I forget to drink the tea he's just made me
I leave shoes all over the bedroom floor
I watch trashy TV
I sing whatever tune is in my head, over and over
I stay up far too late MNing and am grumpy and tired in the morning

I think my list is about the same length as his list...

Leave mugs/yogurt pots all over the place
Eat in bed
Buy too many clothes
Leave towels on bed
Put rubbish on the worktop beside the bin instead of in it
Run upstairs and pretend to put girls to bed rather then clear up!

I let the cat sleep on our bed when he's not around
I use his shaving gel to shave my legs and don't tell him when its empty
When I drive his car I change the radio station and drop litter and crumbs on the seat
I moan that he leaves his shit about all over the place and then leave my own shit about all over the place
I nudge him when he starts snoring on the sofa next to me and make him jump

I drive too cautiously
I plan everything in minute detail, including meals, so his spontaneous suggestion of ordering pizza is met with a schedule for a pizza
I put plates on the counter instead of straight in the dishwasher (he just leaves them in the sitting room)
I unload the dishwasher wrong (by putting plates etc directly into drawers and cupboards rather than putting everything on the countertop first)
I bathe too frequently
I leave shoes and clothes everywhere
I use one side of the stairs as shelving

I have bad hearing so I ask him to repeat a lot of things.

I add salt to everything even though he's already salted the food during cooking.

I let my washing pile up on my drawers for a couple of days before bringing it down to the laundry room whereas he brings it down every morning.

I don't clean the grease off the hob well enough.

I leave food in the fridge/cupboard if it's within a millisecond past the use by date.

My lovely DH enjoys doing all the millions of things I'm too lazy to do, but I drive him mad with the way I ask for them:

I talk of "making" him do things; if I say "I should have made you buy milk", he objects fiercely to the word "made", saying nobody "makes" him do anything, but he's always happy to be "asked".

When making asking him to do something, I take ages to get the words out. "Could you get the... er... um... thingybob..." while he says "speak!" or "come on, spit it out."

I drip feed requests; as soon as he's finishing one request, I start on another. He often anticipates this by saying "anything else?" when I ask for anything.

I put the dustpan and brush on top of the bin.
I load the dishwasher in a manner he disapproves of (the correct way)

I never finish a cup of coffee always leave an inch or two in the cup, never turn of taps properly and leave lights on. My car is always full of sweet wrappers.

I nag him!
I correct his grammar
I like things MY way

rainbow I do that too but with tea! It drives dh insane my dad says I get it off my grampy who used to do it too!

Oh I get bollocked for leaving lights on too! If I've heard his gag about us paying for the electric company's Christmas party I've heard it a hundred times.

I do a little 'ahhh' sigh of relief after I fart.

I zone out while he's telling me about gaming stuff.
I am boiling hot in summer, freezing cold in winter, and roll the covers round myself like a swiss roll - the perfect bedmate!
I whinge when he doesn't do a good job cleaning up.
I'm dreadful in the mornings.

I leave crumbs in the butter - this enrages him so much that he has even accused me of doing it to wind him up.

I talk loudly in my sleep. The other night, I 'woke up' and accused him of rearranging the furniture. After 18 years together, it is no longer charming.

Domestic chores completely fall out of my head, so I have to be reminded several times. It is fair to say that he is the Domestic Goddess in our house and I'm vaguely incompetent.

I'm moody and stubborn in my defence I'm 16 weeks pregnant

I. Am. Perfection. If he disagrees then he's homeless

DH likes reading really boring straight laced historical novels. I read paragraphs of it aloud over his shoulder but turn it into a completely smutty Mills and Boone type scene. Gives him the rage

I'm fussy
I'm critical
I constantly badger him to make me cups of tea
Whenever I see a scene on TV filmed on the British coast, I always say, "I wonder where that is?"
I chat with random strangers and make friends with the neighbours (he is an extreme introvert).

Another one which makes me amazed he sticks around..
I have a tendency towards anxiety and get overwhelmed quite easily. Fortunately I have found in recent years that the best way for me to get my head straight if feeling overwhelmed is to play the violin. Five minutes of playing a piece does more good for me than hours of mindful breathing or colouring books have done so far.
I'm not a terrible violinist, but I'm not brilliant either - I suspect he'd prefer it if I was into colouring books..