Things I do to make DH want to scream.

[Reality]

Just to counter the other thread

I smoke.

I put my biscuit wrappers/banana skin in my empty coffee cup and leave it there until later.

I get him to make all my coffees if he's in the house.

I sometimes MN at the dinner table.

I put my cold feet on him in bed to warm them up.

Other than that I'm completely perfect obviously

[SpiceOne]

I make inane comments during sport.

I never ever make myself a brew. I always make DH do my tea

I insist on full works top-to-bottom house clean every week whereas DH would do a 'mega clean' every fortnight with a 'mini' clean in between. I'm now pushing for twice a week hoovering.

I complain about sock fluff everywhere.

[Moistly]

I didn't see this thread!!

I've listed a thousand complaints I have about dh, they're all cleaning related - this is what he'd likely say about me

I nag and whinge!!
I try to have a deep and meaningful conversation while he watches football
The very fact that I try and have deep and meaningful conversation, he can't be arsed with it
I am far too ruthless with (what I see as) clutter
I always move his stuff around (I'm trying to bloody tidy!)
I'm not proactive at all with the food shopping

I can't think of anything else that he's mentioned!

[CheshireChat]

I leave cupboards open! And I annoy myself with that but I still forget. My makeup is everywhere and he thinks I have too much of it.
I'm naturally messy though I'm trying to be tidier.
I have insomnia so I pace around the house at night- in my defence he sleeps like a log!

There's others...

[pillowaddict]

Combine being utterly indecisive with demanding the last word/say on decisions
Win the competitive 'snoozing' when dd1 comes into our room every morning
Complain about being fat while refusing to do exercise and eating crap
Drink too much (so does he mind, and not like at breakfast or anything)
Smoke
Talk at him to get every thought out of my head and constantly tell him not to interrupt
Nick the duvet/hog the bed
Snore
Find my own jokes hilarious
I'm a nightmare. I do love him very much for putting up with me!

[MoreGilmoreGirls]

I play with my hair
I put my cold feet on him in bed
I fidget in bed
I put hand cream on his dry, cracked hands when he's been outside doing man stuff and make them "smell like a girl"
I never finish anything I eat, always have to leave a token crust or piece of veg that I didn't like the look of.

[WanderingNotLost]

Tell him I don't need him to make me dinner and then always end up wanting what he's made for himself.

Messy. Real Messy. Like 'oh, I forgot what colour our carpet was' messy.

Chuck my shoes in a huge pile in what has become the shoe cupboard. Pull them all out again when looking for a particular pair of shoes.

Put plates on the side instead of in the dishwasher.

Can't hold down a fucking job.

[MyBlackCat]

I breathe too loudly, I eat too loudly, I apparently snore - I should make him wear ear plugs all the time

[MrsDoylesTeaParty]

Love this thread! Men always get a hard time but we're just as bad...

I fill the sink up with washing up and leave it soaking until the next afternoon (this is a recent thing, just can't be bothered on an evening)

He is able to save chocolate for days (whhaaaaat!?) and sometimes I nick it if I've eaten mine.

Put cold feet on him in bed when I could wear bedsocks. But I'm not actually cold so I would get too hot in them!

Pile up recycling in cupboard until it falls out when door is opened.

Don't rinse things so sometimes he has sudsy pans when he cooks.

Tell him to calm down in a gentle whisper when I'm the one who has wound him up

[Shetland]

I hum. He hates it. But I hate the noise he makes when he's eating - sometimes I have to hum to block it out ;)

[Luckyyem]

Grendel - haha that's exactly what I do. I have always done it since I was tiny, it has always driven my parents mad. DH jiggles his legs so I tell him I will stop twiddling my hair when he stops that

[NoCakeLeft]

I talk during film. Every single time.

I forget to close bread bag and it dries up.

I don't roll my own fags, he does.

I squeeze his spots.

I shout a lot.

I create a pile of random shite on the table and never sort it out.

I snore.

I'm lazy.

There's more, but I can't remember it all. TBH, I have no idea why he married me.

[Idontknowwhoiam]

I sing along (badly) to songs in the car.
I complain about my weight while eating junk.
I'm overly anxious and have to prepare for every outcome for day trips/holidays etc.
I like to load the conveyor belt and dishwasher like a game of tetris and get emotional if it's disrupted.
I must have the volume on an even number or multiple of 5. (3 is ok as it's my birthday) I make him show me he's done it properly if he changes it and I don't see what number it ends up on!
I don't like it when he walks or sits on my left hand side.

[TheOnlyLivingBoyInNewCross]

I'm not sure - DH is very polite! Either that or I genuinely don't make him want to scream, but I must do.

If I had to guess:
I hoover a lot. Much more than he probably thinks is necessary or indeed rational.

Once I am ready to go to sleep, he has to turn his light right down (dimmer switch) even if he is still reading. I am probably the reason he now wears glasses.

I can't relax until all the jobs are done; he could quite happily ignore them but feels he has to help (because of my exaggerated, hard-done-by sighs, probably).

I am fatter than I was when he married me. Quite a bit. He's probably gone right off me

I sometimes don't concentrate during films/TV programmes and then demand he explain the plot while we're still watching.

[TheOnlyLivingBoyInNewCross]

Oh, yes: I forgot overly anxious. I make him tell me that something will be all right so that I can relax. How the hell does he know it's going to be all right. Poor man.

[Luckyyem]

Thought of some more off of the top of my head....

When driving I randomly decide I don't want to drive anymore and make him drive.

I always think the worst about everything - I like a surprise if it's not as bad as I thought.

I see something I like in a shop/online and then manage to talk myself out of buying it, then moan for days that I didn't buy it.

I always talk over films/sport/anything he's watching but get really pissed off if he does the same to me.

I always ask what's happening in films etc. If I know he's seen it before I make him tell me the ending.

I seriously cannot understand why he married me

[TondelayaDellaVentamiglia]

oh i forgot

I rip open the bread bag to get to the bread and leave it looking like the bag has exploded. but I do keep in INSIDE the bread bin

He opens the bread like a real person and then wraps it back up tightly and displays it on the top of the bread bin, apparently being in possession of a Ychromosome means he cannot lift the bread bin lid.

The bread bin is a hot bed of anguish because of this.

[sparechange]

I've just remembered another one
When it is my turn for a lie in, the dog comes and sleeps on the bed with me
We spoon, and she has her head on his pillow.

[MelB1992]

My hair falls out everywhere

I don't think I have ever locked the front door

Inside of the car is minging

And, this is really bad, when I had severe morning sickness I could never make it to the toilet and always threw up in the sink, despite the toilet being next to the sink. He would then have to scoop up the sick in the sink and put it in the toilet whilst I cried.

He is a saint.

[Flumplet]

I sneeze loudly and shout too much apparently. Who knew lol!

[MetalMidget]

I have a floordrobe

I don't clean my car (both interior and exterior) enough

I leave piles of stuff on every available flat surface

[honeylulu]

Offer to make him a cup of coffee and then forget to do it.
Bicker a lot with my 11 year old.
Giggle so much while I'm telling a joke that I can't get the punchline out, then when I do its not funny any more.
Swear too much and use vulgar expressions. ("Do you have to be so coarse?") Also belch and fart a lot and think it's funny.
Never empty the bin, just keep cramming more in even when it's overflowing.
Am always face booking or mumsnetting when I should be doing something else.
Ruining cooking because of the above.
Spending too long in the bath.
Going to bed far too late for the time I need to get up, then moaning that I'm tired.
Going out with my friends or to the gym too much and leave him to single parent on his own.
Hang the washing wrong (he always re does it).
Am terrible at ironing. He had to redo that as well. (We now have an ironing lady. )
Lick my plate.
Never have any cash on me.
Hoard terribly - we have a four storey house and it's rammed. Approx 90% of the stuff in it is mine. (I am Marie Kondo ing though).
This is just what I can think of. He would probably think of a lot more. I wonder what he sees in me.

[StillStayingClassySanDiego]

I often text him and say ' can you pick up *** from Sainsbury's on the way home' despite me having had the shopping delivered the day before, I always forget something.

I do fart in bed, occasionally, it makes him tut for some reason. , it's normal.

Other than those two, I'm a peach .

[tibbawyrots]

I steal the duvet and attempt to sleep in the middle of the bed.
I grind my teeth in my sleep.
I can hear a packet of biscuits/chocolate quietly being opened from the other room.
I sometimes react like a teenager when he tells me my clean clothes are now on the bed and to put them away at some stage before going to bed. I may have thrown them straight back in the wash sometimes in a snit
I will fridge graze if no-one else is home to cook for.
I do exaggerated 2 finger salutes behind his back if he's annoyed me.
I drink tea constantly, even boiling the kettle again while still finishing my last mug.
I'll wander down the shop for a paper and act surprised when I get home and find wine in the bag.
I borrow his sweatshirts and return them with jumper lumps.
I'll argue the point even when its blatantly obvious to a sleeping cat that I've fucked up somewhere along the line. He then makes me laugh about it, the bastard!
I'm pedantic to the nth degree and will correct his pronunciation of words or deliberately use an obscure word knowing he doesn't know it.

He does put up with a lot but then he is privileged.

[MeMySonAndl]

I change my mind ALL the time, I do not sleep (honestly, I am like a baby...), I loooooove spicy food (he hates it) and I am not interested in equestrian stuff.