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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To Ban this lady from my page?

109 replies

UnderaRock · 03/06/2016 17:41

My daughter passed in 2007. I have had people write her name in the sand all over the world and gotten a ton of responses. I have a memorial page on facebook. Last year in November a lady messaged me and asked if I would write her daughter's name in the sand (her daughter had died too) I told her as nicely as I could that I didn't live near the ocean so I couldn't do that and I was sorry for her loss and gave her some links to memorial pages that do that. Then in March of this year out of nowhere I got a message from her saying I should write her daughter's name and light a candle not even asking but a demand. We were moving at the time and I offered to draw her daughter a photo and take a photo of her name near our town's landmark. She came back with a really curt no thank you.

We are going to the ocean on the 18th. For the first time since my daughter died and her ashes were scattered at sea. This is a huge thing for me and I'm really excited and was posting on the memorial page how our hotel is a block away from a bar and grill with my daughter's name and I would have to get photos.

Not even two hours later I get a message from this same lady demanding I write her daughter's name in the sand.

I've been trying to be nice because she's grieving and I think there's some language barrier here. But now I'm starting to feel kind of upset about it and feel like she's being rude. Am I a terrible person to ban and block her now? I've given her links to the people she can request and or pay for gorgeous photos of her daughter's name in the sand but at this point she's being kind of rude to me

OP posts:
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500internalerror · 03/06/2016 17:45

Is it possible she has misunderstood & thinks you offer a service, rather than being bereaved yourself? That's the only explanation that makes sense to me. X

abbieanders · 03/06/2016 17:46

I was wondering the same thing. It sounds like she's trying to commission you.

chipmonkey · 03/06/2016 17:46

Undera, honestly, I would block her from the page and I say that as a bereaved mother myself. She seems to either completely misunderstand that your page is a memorial for your daughter and not a business like I've seen on FB where you pay for a photo of your child's name written in sand. She's not helping you and you can't help her.

Original poster
UnderaRock · 03/06/2016 17:47

@500internalerror I told her in my first message to her that I was not a service and just a memorial page. So I don't think so at this point?

OP posts:
Original poster
UnderaRock · 03/06/2016 17:48

Chip I think I need to. I've told her two times that I'm not a service and given her links to pages that do it and she just keeps messaging me. I feel so bad blocking her but I don't like the demands she is giving me either

OP posts:
ChicRock · 03/06/2016 17:50

I'm trying to be kind and so I'm thinking she's got the wrong end of the stick and believes you offer this as a paid service or something.

But it seems you've explained it pretty clearly and offered her information on where to find various people/companies that'll do this for her.

I think blocking her now would be the best thing for you to do.

icanteven · 03/06/2016 17:50

I don't think she understands. I live in a city with a big university and both myself and lots of people I know sometimes get random facebook messages asking about application advice and admission requirements. People don't always understand what a page/location actually means.

AdrenalineFudge · 03/06/2016 17:52

I was also of the opinion that she must have some how misunderstood that you're not business. Even if you were it seems the tone is off.
I'm so sorry for your loss Flowers.
But yes, block her and think no more of it. Grief is a strange thing but I remember when I miscarried - so not technically the same - I was never rude or demanding of others

AdrenalineFudge · 03/06/2016 17:53

x post. In that case block and be done with.

Groovee · 03/06/2016 17:54

I would block her.

Original poster
UnderaRock · 03/06/2016 17:56

Adrenaline what does x post mean?

OP posts:
Original poster
UnderaRock · 03/06/2016 17:57

Thank you all for your help. I will block her. I did give her links to people that could help and I think it's all I can do xx

OP posts:
SmokingGun · 03/06/2016 17:57

Don't feel bad about blocking her OP, the likelihood is she won't realise. It sounds like it might be when you post updates she messages you, so if she doesn't see the updates it will slip from her mind. It was nice of you to send her links, but realistically there's nothing else you can do for her at this point. I'm assuming it's a page she likes rather than being friends with you on your personal profile?

SmokingGun · 03/06/2016 17:57

Oh X post with OP there

Original poster
UnderaRock · 03/06/2016 18:02

Thank you smoking yes its a page she likes rather than being friends with her. Thank you for your nice words. I will make sure not to dwell on this

OP posts:
whois · 03/06/2016 18:12

Block and move on.

Coconutty · 03/06/2016 18:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

themorus · 03/06/2016 18:18

I think you should block her, as a pp said, she is not helping you and you have done enough for her xx

Lynnm63 · 03/06/2016 18:25

Block her and so sorry for your loss.

Rainbunny · 03/06/2016 18:33

This seems so strange, are you even sure she is legit and not catfishing? Probably not but you'd be amazed at the weird things people do for kicks online. As others have said, I'd block and move on.

Original poster
UnderaRock · 03/06/2016 18:36

Thank you for the condolences

Rainbunny I don't think so. I think there is a language barrier and maybe just someone who doesn't know how to use her manners?

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228agreenend · 03/06/2016 18:36

So sorry for your loss and I hope the trip,goes well.

I would probably s end her one final message wishing her well, and saying that your trip is a private, family affair, and then block,her,

purplefox · 03/06/2016 18:40

I'd give her the benefit of the doubt and assume it was a language barrier issue. What did she say when she was demanding you write her daughters name in the sand?

Spangletangle · 03/06/2016 18:43

Don't feel bad, you really have no need to. Block and forget about it. Then enjoy your trip. I'm so sorry for your loss.

BillSykesDog · 03/06/2016 18:50

Actually, do you know what? It will take you two minutes to write it in the sand and send it to her. I'd do it.

I think it might have begun as a misunderstanding but perhaps she is getting a little cross because as she sees it, a lot of people have done this for you to help you with your grief and memorialise your DD, but now you are being given the opportunity to do the same thing for another person you're declining to do it. I can understand why perhaps, considering she is grieving, this lady might have trouble processing that.

I'd just do it TBH. A lot of people have done it for you, you'd be doing something nice for someone in the same position as you.