To Ban this lady from my page?

[UnderaRock]

My daughter passed in 2007. I have had people write her name in the sand all over the world and gotten a ton of responses. I have a memorial page on facebook. Last year in November a lady messaged me and asked if I would write her daughter's name in the sand (her daughter had died too) I told her as nicely as I could that I didn't live near the ocean so I couldn't do that and I was sorry for her loss and gave her some links to memorial pages that do that. Then in March of this year out of nowhere I got a message from her saying I should write her daughter's name and light a candle not even asking but a demand. We were moving at the time and I offered to draw her daughter a photo and take a photo of her name near our town's landmark. She came back with a really curt no thank you.

We are going to the ocean on the 18th. For the first time since my daughter died and her ashes were scattered at sea. This is a huge thing for me and I'm really excited and was posting on the memorial page how our hotel is a block away from a bar and grill with my daughter's name and I would have to get photos.

Not even two hours later I get a message from this same lady demanding I write her daughter's name in the sand.

I've been trying to be nice because she's grieving and I think there's some language barrier here. But now I'm starting to feel kind of upset about it and feel like she's being rude. Am I a terrible person to ban and block her now? I've given her links to the people she can request and or pay for gorgeous photos of her daughter's name in the sand but at this point she's being kind of rude to me

[UnderaRock]

Purple she just told me 'You need to write my daughter's name in the sand when you go' and that was it

[SoupDragon]

I would write the name, send the photo and then block her.

[UnderaRock]

BillSykes it's NOT going to take me a short time to do it. I'm in a wheelchair and will be using a rented beach wheelchair from 9-4 pm to go to the beach. My husband will be pushing me on the sand all day in a crowded beach. I cannot walk at all. Doing my own child's name and not getting random strangers in the photo is going to be hard enough because my husband will be pushing and moving my chair for me to get pics. So it's not a 2 minute quick write and be done thing

[UnderaRock]

I'm grieving too and I've never gone and demanded someone to do something. There's no excuse for rudeness. Especially when I did offer to do something here at home and she was very rude and short about it. I'm not even writing my best friend's baby's name in the sand and my friend understood why. It's not going to be easy for me to do.

[notonyurjellybellynelly]

OP, Im with Bill on this and I would write the girls name in the sand.

Just recently I was at a Papal Blessing in Rome and I'd woke up very early to be at the Vatican in time to get a really good seat. Im almost 60, my friend is 70, and we were about 4 hours early which really was quite a wait considering we left the house that day at 6am.

An couple of hours after we arrived an middle aged Argentinian couple came and walked right to the front of the seating area and stood at the barrier all the while ignoring everyone around them. They were oblivious to people being rather peed off about it. It meant that people were going to crowd me and my friend because the couple had taken up quite a bit of empty space in a place where no standing was allowed. They would even ignore the Swiss Guards and just point blank refused to move. Anyway after a wee while I saw the woman looked quite anguished and I said to my pal - I think this women has a tragedy in her life and she really needs to be standing in that spot. A couple of hours later the Pope arrived and he was being driven around on his wee buggy thing and the lady pulled out a picture form her handbag, it was of a beautiful young woman in her late 20's or early 30's and I think she was dying but in the photo she looked a picture of health. The woman also had a letter with her and when the Pope passed us she managed to hand the letter and the photo to one of the secret service detail running alongside him. It was obviously to ask for a blessing and prayers for the girl. Im glad she managed to get the letter to the Pope and to be honest Im a bit ashamed of myself for my very brief moment of being peed off. People aren't always mindful of good manners when their hearts are broken and if I were you I'd write the girls name in the sand from one mother to another.

[bigsnugglebunny]

I wouldn't write the name and send it to her, especially as she has been so utterly rude about it. You have explained repeatedly that it's not a service, and that it is your memorial page for your own daughter. If she wants one, she is welcome to set up her own page.

I get it, she's grieving - doesn't give her the right to be rude and demanding.

I'm not a mean person, and I don't think you should do this, but it would be hard for me not to write "Leave Me Alone" in the sand and send her that. disclaimer, I would NOT do this, nor do I advocate it, I would just think about doing it.

for you OP. Block her without another thought. Enjoy your break.

[UnderaRock]

Not on yur jelly if you read above I'm in a wheelchair and paralyzed from the waist down. It's going to be hard enough for me to write my daughter's name and not get random people in the photo. So it's not like I can walk and just am not wanting to do it. There is a chance I'm not even going to get my own daughter's name written while we are there.

[carameldecaflatte]

Oh love don't even consider doing it and do block her. You have given her the information she needs; that is enough. And I say this as a bereaved mum too: my son was stillborn in 2008. His name was written in the sand for me by a lovely friend in Australia and I cherish the photos, but I did not demand it nor expect it.

I'm so sorry for your loss.

[UnderaRock]

Big Snuggle I gave her links to people who do do it for free. There are a lot of people who live next to the beach and go regularly and do photos.

Meanwhile I am one person who is paraplegic and going to the beach 11 hours away in memory of my own daughter with my two kids. There's a chance I won't even get a chance to write my own daughter's name. More than a chance really which is why I'm also taking her bear and her unicorn for photos at the beach.

[UnderaRock]

carameldecaflatte I am so sorry for your loss. Just one year after my little girl. Maybe our babies are friends in the here after.

I'm just upset and I don't want people thinking I'm mean. Or that I don't feel for her. That's not it at all. :(

[Skittlesss]

Perhaps you could see how busy it is. Does the beach get so crowded you couldn't do this there? I'm in England and have never seen a crowded beach before so sorry if yours are. I just think maybe if you could get your husband to do it then you could send the photo to the lady and it might help you a little as well. I'm sure it felt nice that people did this for you and you could do this back... if you got chance.

[notonyurjellybellynelly]

OP, we cross posted. I had not seen your post until after I posted, and you're drip feeding. But that said I would still try and get the girls name written in the same even if its someone else who has to do it.

Anyway, where is this sand? Does it have to be a particular stretch of sand or will any stretch of sand do because if any stretch of sand will do Im more than happy to do it on the beach thats outside my front door if that will help?

[UnderaRock]

Skittlesss my husband won't do it. He's kind of an arse like that. :( He doesn't even want to go but I'm pretty much making him and I'm lucky he's driving us. He won't even do my own angel's let alone anyone else

The beach is a mad house. Unless it rains or is cloudy and then we'd get a break. I'll attach a photo of the beach on a nice sunny day via beach cam

[whois]

Is it a thing then, having names written in the sand for dead loved ones?

What's the significance / idea behind it?

[HostaFireandIce]

OP, I can't believe people are still advocating you doing this! Don't do what this woman is demanding; do what you want and need to do for your dd; don't feel guilty about it. Have a beautiful trip

[UnderaRock]

Notonyurjelly I have no idea what drip feeding is. I'm just trying to say why it's not easy for me. Otherwise it would have been done without issue for my friend's too then I wouldn't have posted this thread.

I don't think it would matter where it is but I have no clue? She really never gave me any info. Just that her daughter died and she wanted her name in the sand and then on a candle. Her daughter's name is Jan

[UnderaRock]

Whois for my daughter it's because she was scattered at sea (her ashes were) so I asked people to do it for her birthday. It just is still going on now. It is a thing but I guess it differs on reasons from person to person

[VimFuego101]

I think you need to do whatever you need to do to keep a clear head for that day, which is a day to remember your daughter with your family. In this case, it sounds like you do need to block her. I feel very sorry for the woman, but you need to focus on your family and this day is about them and your daughter.

[notonyurjellybellynelly]

OP, this really doesn't have to be an insurmountable problem unless you just don't want to do it full stop and if thats the case then just tell the mum and wish her well.

Or maybe you could ask her if she'd mind it done on another beach and I'll do it for her with flowers and candles and shells.

[notonyurjellybellynelly]

OP drip feeding is where you fill in details as you are going along.

[UnderaRock]

Hosta I feel sick about all this now. At this point I'm considering saying I'm not doing it for anyone even my dd because people are being so weird about this. G-d forbid I take a trip for my daughter's birthday and focus on relaxing and her and my kids. Instead I get this craziness

[UnderTheGreenwoodTree]

OP, block her and don't think another thought about it. Honestly. People can be right arses.

Do it now, and put her right out of your mind before your trip to the beach for your DD.

A further note - people can also be right arses on AIBU on a Friday night Ignore them too.

Wishing you a lovely trip in memoriam of you daughter.

[happygoluckylady]

Maybe someone here who lives near a beach could write her name in the sand and send to you pass on? Am very sorry for your loss OP x

[notonyurjellybellynelly]

OP, no one is being weird. Two people have suggested that you try and do this for another mother and its not what you wanted to hear so just do it for your daughter and don't look back.

Im still offering though to do it on the beach outside my house if that would help.