To Ban this lady from my page?

[UnderaRock]

My daughter passed in 2007. I have had people write her name in the sand all over the world and gotten a ton of responses. I have a memorial page on facebook. Last year in November a lady messaged me and asked if I would write her daughter's name in the sand (her daughter had died too) I told her as nicely as I could that I didn't live near the ocean so I couldn't do that and I was sorry for her loss and gave her some links to memorial pages that do that. Then in March of this year out of nowhere I got a message from her saying I should write her daughter's name and light a candle not even asking but a demand. We were moving at the time and I offered to draw her daughter a photo and take a photo of her name near our town's landmark. She came back with a really curt no thank you.

We are going to the ocean on the 18th. For the first time since my daughter died and her ashes were scattered at sea. This is a huge thing for me and I'm really excited and was posting on the memorial page how our hotel is a block away from a bar and grill with my daughter's name and I would have to get photos.

Not even two hours later I get a message from this same lady demanding I write her daughter's name in the sand.

I've been trying to be nice because she's grieving and I think there's some language barrier here. But now I'm starting to feel kind of upset about it and feel like she's being rude. Am I a terrible person to ban and block her now? I've given her links to the people she can request and or pay for gorgeous photos of her daughter's name in the sand but at this point she's being kind of rude to me

From the first post you sounded a bit mean since you were happy to have people do it for you but if she wont appreciate it anyway then YANBU.

If anyone reading who has lost a child and would like their name with a candle just let me know because I am happy to memorialize other children. Here's a few I have done and I do something a little different for all angels

RedHelen I offered to do something else for her (Things I do do for others and posted some photos of) she refused and then demanded something else. How am I the mean one?

You're not mean, UnderaRock. You don't know this person, yet she's making demands on you. It's not on.

How does anyone know she even lost a child? People make up dead children all the time.

That is a horrible thing to say. especially about someone who is not here to defend themselves.

It is true tough, Soup. Look at the bereavement trolls we've had here.

OP doesn't actually owe this woman anything, whether the woman is bereaved or no - a kindness given is just that - a kindness. It shouldn't be demanded.

*The OP has had people write her daughters name in the sand all over the world but its obviously not something she wants to do for someone else even with the help of strangers on the beach.

I really don't understand it but Im willing to accept that you know better and leave it alone now.*

Talk about a dog with a bone. Jeez.

under block this woman, she's upset you for no good reason and you don't need the anxiety she's clearly caused.

I did say from the first post Mrs Drvere

OP, is it at all possible for you to do this trip in the evening? You stand a much better chance of being able to do it in peace and avoid having other people in your photos.

OP for you. Ignore the nut job. Focus on your daughter, your family, your memories. You owe her nothing. Truly.

I am very sorry for your loss.

Augusta I honestly have no idea. The beach wheelchairs are only available until 4 pm so I'm not sure how we will do anything after 4 pm unless we just go on the boardwalk and no longer do the beach at that time.

YANBU. If it were the case that you lived by the ocean and could do this with ease and on any given day and under those circumstances you refused I would think that was a bit mean but that's not the case at all. You live far from anywhere where this is possible, it's a physical struggle for you anyway and this is the first opportunity you've had to memorialise your own child in this way. You shouldn't have to spend that day thinking of anything or anyone other than your daughter, especially someone who has been rude and demanding, not even kind with a polite request.

I would block her and not give her another thought.

Soupdragon its entirely possible that this woman is not what she seems. The fact that someone else did this for her and she abused them for days afterwards says a lot about her.

Lots of people make up stuff and put it on the internet, tell their friends and family, start up collections for terminaly ill children, themselves, post on forums and its all bollocks!

The woman was demanding and woudlnt take no for an answer the Op gave her links to people who do do this for others, she owes her nothing. Never mind the fact she is physicaly challenged so that she might not even be able to do it for her own daughter never mind try to do it over again for someone else! The day is for her and her daughters memory not for anyone else.

Just chiming in to say - block this woman and don't spare the issue another thought. You don't owe her this favour, especially not after the way she has spoken to you.

Also, your daughter's middle name is gorgeous

Undera what a lovely person you are,what you have done for other parents that have lost a child whilst dealing with your own terrible loss and with disability as well is amazing and so kind.

Sorry but she has been named and shamed. The OP gave the lady's (recognisable) name and the daughter's name too. Regardless of how rude the lady was, it is not on to identify someone online. Particularly someone clearly struggling with bereavement.

Marthas no that's not her real name. I changed it when I posted the message. So no you can't identify her from it.

Ok fair enough OP

The only identifying info I gave was her child's first name but it's a really common first name so it would be like me giving the name John out. I DID give out some names in my angel photos I shared in a previous posting of mine but their mommies gave me permission to share those wherever I wanted to show people what I do (I would put a heart smiley face here but I guess we don't have one here?)

So sorry for your loss OP .

YANBU, block this woman and think no more about it. This is your trip to remember your daughter and nothing else. The name in the sand sounds like a lovely idea and I hope you get to do it.

I'm gobsmacked at some of the shitty replies you have had on here. Even a bereaved parent can't escape the shite that is AIBU!

On reading your updates OP, I take back what I said about just thinking about it and I would be tempted to write (or get someone else to write) "fuck off" in the sand and send her that.

Enjoy your holiday

OP something about this clearly seemed wrong to you from the start. Now someone else has had problems with the same lady. I say listen to your instincts and block her.

Sorry for you loss