To Ban this lady from my page?

[UnderaRock]

My daughter passed in 2007. I have had people write her name in the sand all over the world and gotten a ton of responses. I have a memorial page on facebook. Last year in November a lady messaged me and asked if I would write her daughter's name in the sand (her daughter had died too) I told her as nicely as I could that I didn't live near the ocean so I couldn't do that and I was sorry for her loss and gave her some links to memorial pages that do that. Then in March of this year out of nowhere I got a message from her saying I should write her daughter's name and light a candle not even asking but a demand. We were moving at the time and I offered to draw her daughter a photo and take a photo of her name near our town's landmark. She came back with a really curt no thank you.

We are going to the ocean on the 18th. For the first time since my daughter died and her ashes were scattered at sea. This is a huge thing for me and I'm really excited and was posting on the memorial page how our hotel is a block away from a bar and grill with my daughter's name and I would have to get photos.

Not even two hours later I get a message from this same lady demanding I write her daughter's name in the sand.

I've been trying to be nice because she's grieving and I think there's some language barrier here. But now I'm starting to feel kind of upset about it and feel like she's being rude. Am I a terrible person to ban and block her now? I've given her links to the people she can request and or pay for gorgeous photos of her daughter's name in the sand but at this point she's being kind of rude to me

[timelytess]

Block her. Do what you need to do to live with your loss. I am so sorry, so very sorry.

[AliceInUnderpants]

OP I know this wasn't the point of your thread, but I live on the coast near some lovely beaches. If you'd like me to write your daughter's name on the beach here (east coast Scotland), if you PM me her name, I'll be happy to take a photo for you

[KeepitDown]

If someone asked me to do something as simple as make a cup of tea for them and they did it that rudely, it wouldn't be happening. Doesn't matter how many people have made cups of tea for me in the past.

From my perspective, how hard or how easy the request is to fulfil is a bit of a red herring. If she wants to make requests of people who don't owe her anything, then she needs to do it with a little more courtesy.

Personally, I'd be tempted to spell out to her that she was being rude and see how she responded (might be a social communication issue or similar). But I don't have anywhere near as much on my plate as you do at the moment, and am nosey enough to wonder why she's approaching the way she is.

In your case, with the stress it's already caused and the other things you have to deal with, I'd just block.

[Grilledaubergines]

OP I didn't say YOU had but others have.

Fair enough, you're satisfied about what you've been told.

[UnderaRock]

Grilled The person who pm'd me was one of the website I linked her to that offers this service. She has written over a thousand names in the sand at this point. If she said she was causing issues. I believe her. Also I have NOT referred to anyone as bonkers or a nut job. I just said she was rude

[Grilledaubergines]

I truly think it's absolutely awful to read a grieving woman being referred to as 'bonkers' and a 'nut job'. How about she's grieving and leave it at that. Awful way to describe someone in this position. She may be desperate. And the person who Pm'd might not be totally honest.

[UnderaRock]

Leslieknope45 I didn't give the woman's real name. There's no way for anyone to figure out who she is.

[Leslieknope45]

I am very sorry for the loss of your precious child. Life can be so very cruel.

I too agree you should block her. You don't need the hassle and as you've said your page is a memorial for your child. You have offered to do some sort of memorial for her child that you can manage, and she isn't happy. You've given her links to elsewhere . Whether she doesn't understand you or whatever- you don't need the stress so just block. (I do think you should probably report the post on this thread where you have named the woman and her child.)

[PrinceHansOfTheTescoAisles]

OP something about this clearly seemed wrong to you from the start. Now someone else has had problems with the same lady. I say listen to your instincts and block her.

Sorry for you loss

[bigsnugglebunny]

On reading your updates OP, I take back what I said about just thinking about it and I would be tempted to write (or get someone else to write) "fuck off" in the sand and send her that.

Enjoy your holiday

[BeYourselfUnlessUCanBeAUnicorn]

So sorry for your loss OP .

YANBU, block this woman and think no more about it. This is your trip to remember your daughter and nothing else. The name in the sand sounds like a lovely idea and I hope you get to do it.

I'm gobsmacked at some of the shitty replies you have had on here. Even a bereaved parent can't escape the shite that is AIBU!

[UnderaRock]

The only identifying info I gave was her child's first name but it's a really common first name so it would be like me giving the name John out. I DID give out some names in my angel photos I shared in a previous posting of mine but their mommies gave me permission to share those wherever I wanted to show people what I do (I would put a heart smiley face here but I guess we don't have one here?)

[MarthasHarbour]

Ok fair enough OP

[UnderaRock]

Marthas no that's not her real name. I changed it when I posted the message. So no you can't identify her from it.

[MarthasHarbour]

Sorry but she has been named and shamed. The OP gave the lady's (recognisable) name and the daughter's name too. Regardless of how rude the lady was, it is not on to identify someone online. Particularly someone clearly struggling with bereavement.

[ohtheholidays]

Undera what a lovely person you are,what you have done for other parents that have lost a child whilst dealing with your own terrible loss and with disability as well is amazing and so kind.

[WhoseBadgerIsThis]

Just chiming in to say - block this woman and don't spare the issue another thought. You don't owe her this favour, especially not after the way she has spoken to you.

Also, your daughter's middle name is gorgeous

[Willow2016]

Soupdragon its entirely possible that this woman is not what she seems. The fact that someone else did this for her and she abused them for days afterwards says a lot about her.

Lots of people make up stuff and put it on the internet, tell their friends and family, start up collections for terminaly ill children, themselves, post on forums and its all bollocks!

The woman was demanding and woudlnt take no for an answer the Op gave her links to people who do do this for others, she owes her nothing. Never mind the fact she is physicaly challenged so that she might not even be able to do it for her own daughter never mind try to do it over again for someone else! The day is for her and her daughters memory not for anyone else.

[Itsaplayonwords]

YANBU. If it were the case that you lived by the ocean and could do this with ease and on any given day and under those circumstances you refused I would think that was a bit mean but that's not the case at all. You live far from anywhere where this is possible, it's a physical struggle for you anyway and this is the first opportunity you've had to memorialise your own child in this way. You shouldn't have to spend that day thinking of anything or anyone other than your daughter, especially someone who has been rude and demanding, not even kind with a polite request.

I would block her and not give her another thought.

[UnderaRock]

Augusta I honestly have no idea. The beach wheelchairs are only available until 4 pm so I'm not sure how we will do anything after 4 pm unless we just go on the boardwalk and no longer do the beach at that time.

[HeartsTrumpDiamonds]

OP for you. Ignore the nut job. Focus on your daughter, your family, your memories. You owe her nothing. Truly.

I am very sorry for your loss.

[AugustaFinkNottle]

OP, is it at all possible for you to do this trip in the evening? You stand a much better chance of being able to do it in peace and avoid having other people in your photos.