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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Aibu me or DH regarding all day and night drinking

108 replies

Stardust160 · 07/05/2016 19:34

I recently had my DS 4 weeks ago. I also have a DD who's 2 and a DS 7. Currently DD is out at her aunties and I'm home with DS1 and DS2. DH went out last Saturday all day and night for friends birthday. This Saturday he went to the Middlesbrough football match. I was expected him home but now he's decided to stay out all night to celebrate with his mates. I'm furious as this will be second week in a row where he's been gone all day and night. The following day he is no help as he's hungover. I feel like I'm left holding the baby whilst trying to look after the other DC. I'm shattered from doing all the night feeds during the week and want some help on a weekend. Aibu to be pissed off? I went out for dinner with the girls during the week but waited until all the children were settled and was out for a few hours. It's not the fact he's gone out with mates that I'm so annoyed it's the length of time and the reoccurrence and disregard that I'm home caring for our children. DH thinks it's ok as the toddler is sleeping out but I have a demanding baby who feeds none stop and can be a challenge to settle.

OP posts:

araiba · 07/05/2016 19:57

his team just got promoted to the premier league- i'd probably allow it as it is a rare occurence

GunnyHighway · 07/05/2016 19:58

As rare as having a newborn?

seasidesally · 07/05/2016 20:02

normaly i find these threads a little ott on the posters side but on this one YANBU

he's taking the piss op and you have every right to be annoyed/upset

ImperialBlether · 07/05/2016 20:03

It's really selfish to leave you at home with all the children, particularly as one is only four weeks old. Has he always been selfish?

ExasperatedAlmostAlways · 07/05/2016 20:06

Yanbu he is being completely selfish! Are you breastfeeding? If not id be tempted to go out next Saturday leaving him with the kids and call to say you are staying out for the night too now. Taste of his own medicine and see how he likes it.

ExasperatedAlmostAlways · 07/05/2016 20:07

Even if you do just go to your parents and sleep (he doesn't need to know that haha)

Maidofrohan · 07/05/2016 20:07

YANBU. His team may have won, but family should be his priority. Sure, go out, enjoy the match, celebrate...but then be home at the end of the evening.

ohohohitsmagic · 07/05/2016 20:09

Today isn't unreasonable at all because football, but last week was knowing that this week was coming.

Becky546 · 07/05/2016 20:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

diddl · 07/05/2016 20:15

There's such a thing as compromise, isn't there?

Ie go out but don't take the piss iyswim.

As well as being knackering with a newborn, when you just have kids for company you often really look forward to another adult being there.

Not always to help either but the relief of knowing that all the responsibility isn't yours.

I think that a lot of partners don't appreciate that.

Original poster

Stardust160 · 07/05/2016 20:19

I am breastfeeding at the moment so it's difficult to go out for long periods of time. He was much more hands on with DD was born. I'm annoyed as this is the second week a row. I feel like I never stop from the moment I get up with DS to when he goes to sleep and do it all over again. Half the time I've noticed he will sit in the other room watching television when I'm seeing to the DC. I've pulled him up on this as he's sat in their when his own family's been round. I feel like he never makes the effort to spend time together. I know he would be annoyed if I just didn't come back and stayed out and he was left with a newborn baby. I guess I just don't feel we are a team. I've told him not to borther returning home.

OP posts:

BillSykesDog · 07/05/2016 20:19

YABU, his team got promoted. If he's not doing it all the time that's well within the bounds of acceptability.

Original poster

Stardust160 · 07/05/2016 20:23

What about the next day when he wants to laze in bed all day whilst I see to the other children. It seems to be a pattern that's forming lately. I get having down time but not at the expense of your DP who caring for a newborn 24/7.

OP posts:

YouTheCat · 07/05/2016 20:24

Bill, he did it last weekend. He's done it this weekend. OP's baby is 4 weeks old. What's the betting there'll be some other 'major' event that requires a whole day of drinking next weekend?

He has responsibilities at home. It's not like the OP is saying he can't go out. Why can't he just go out for a few pints and be home without being totally arseholed and useless?

Original poster

Stardust160 · 07/05/2016 20:26

The time he returns home is 2/5 a-clock in the morning. So barely any sleep and no help with the children.

OP posts:

gingerbreadmanm · 07/05/2016 20:28

star im in your area. There will be a lot of dp's upsetting their other halves today.

It doesn't make it any better. I really feel for you and hope you are doing ok.

Fwiw, and i know it's easier said than done but i would weite tonight off. Do what you enjoy doing on a saturday night. Get you a kids to bed and forget about him. Tomorrow do not give him the chance to laze in bed all day.

My dp drinks most of the day and night every saturday. It kills me and i dont have any dc so i really sympathise. Hope youre ok and congrats on the newborn.

Original poster

Stardust160 · 07/05/2016 20:36

Thanks gingerbread x

OP posts:

gingerbreadmanm · 07/05/2016 20:39

No worries. Feel free to vent here. It's crap.

Did you watch the footy?

We are hoping to ttc too and its this kind of drinking that keeps putting me off. Luckily my dp tends to drink at home or the local so not too bad.

Becky546 · 07/05/2016 20:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

gingergenie · 07/05/2016 20:47

Oh, I'm sorry....his team got promoted? Was he playing in said team? Did he coach said team? Did he pay the wages of said team?
What a crock of shit! He has had a great day. His team has won. Doesn't mean he can fuck off and ignore the fact you have a newborn. Imagine the consequences if you did the same in reverse?

Original poster

Stardust160 · 07/05/2016 20:49

No I'm not a football fan.". He was going out all night and day before but I did put my foot down prior to having the baby incase i went into labour and he wasn't in a fit state to support me.

OP posts:

gandalf456 · 07/05/2016 20:51

You couldn't do it so he can't do it - especially two weeks in a row

QforCucumber · 07/05/2016 20:52

My dp is currently somewhere along southfield road too, we too hAve a breastfed newborn (7 weeks) so am at home with him. Dp is fully aware he is expected tomorrow to cut the grass and take ds for 3 hours while I do whatever the hell I want. Hangover or not it's tough now. Feel your pain though star I'd love to be out celebrating too right now!

araiba · 07/05/2016 20:52

Imagine the consequences if you did the same in reverse?

"have a good night out"

genuinely

gingerbreadmanm · 07/05/2016 20:53

Oh heck. Do you think its just like that where we're from?

There's a proper working mans culture round here i think where they think it's normal to spend saturday afts drinking an watching football or whatever sport is on

Tbh the only thing i would suggest is tomo, when he is sober enough to listen, tell him you want a family weekend next weekend and although you're happy for him to have a drink in the house it wont be until x time.

I have to so this with my dp. He just doesn't understand. He thinks it's normal.

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