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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu me or DH regarding all day and night drinking

108 replies

Stardust160 · 07/05/2016 19:34

I recently had my DS 4 weeks ago. I also have a DD who's 2 and a DS 7. Currently DD is out at her aunties and I'm home with DS1 and DS2. DH went out last Saturday all day and night for friends birthday. This Saturday he went to the Middlesbrough football match. I was expected him home but now he's decided to stay out all night to celebrate with his mates. I'm furious as this will be second week in a row where he's been gone all day and night. The following day he is no help as he's hungover. I feel like I'm left holding the baby whilst trying to look after the other DC. I'm shattered from doing all the night feeds during the week and want some help on a weekend. Aibu to be pissed off? I went out for dinner with the girls during the week but waited until all the children were settled and was out for a few hours. It's not the fact he's gone out with mates that I'm so annoyed it's the length of time and the reoccurrence and disregard that I'm home caring for our children. DH thinks it's ok as the toddler is sleeping out but I have a demanding baby who feeds none stop and can be a challenge to settle.

OP posts:
Narp · 08/05/2016 07:09

That blond lady won Masterchef

I'm off on an all weekend bender!!!

topcat2014 · 08/05/2016 07:51

This thread reminds me of the sketch featuring David Mitchell, as a football commentator, who hated football.

Basically, unimportant shit happens, then a gap, then it all starts over again.

I love it when, at work on Monday, everyone is like "we did this, you did that".

I like to point out that "you" did nothing - just sat on your backside in the pub.

Never seen the point of football - although accept others do.

As a boy in primary school, I remember some unspoken rule that we had to have a football kit bag from either Manchester United or Liverpool, both places hundreds of miles north of me.

I think mine was blue, when it should have been red. Haven't played football since 8 years old.

topcat2014 · 08/05/2016 07:52

Caveat - for some reason I quite wanted Leicester to win, and was unaccountably glad when they did.

gingerbreadmanm · 08/05/2016 07:55

garlic definitely is some element to it.

Whenever the drink think arises in our house dp always quotes everyone else doing it and i can't even argue with him because it's true. And if it isn't drink it's worse.

I might consider a move down south Grin

Op hope you are ok this morning. Not looked yet but the sun should be out so at least you could escape the idiot for a bit if you fancied or hang around there and make his hangover miserable

Moanranger · 08/05/2016 07:56

He is an alcoholic

Narp · 08/05/2016 07:57

topcat

Yes indeed. I'm crap at cooking but I felt such a surge of pride in watching blond lady win.

Ivegotyourgoat · 08/05/2016 08:10

This thread is absolutely fucking disgusting.

I've no idea why men seem to be able to have children, then carry on as normal, going off on their jollies and it is just expected that the woman will pick up the slack. Or the woman can get him to repay her by cutting the grass or something.

Caring for a 4 week old and a toddler is as difficult if not even more difficult than having a full time job and fathers should spend the large majority of their free time with their families.

Parenting is supposed to be 50/50.

It would be different if the dc were older and it was a one off.

But in the case fuck football, he has a NEWBORN baby.

Original poster
Stardust160 · 08/05/2016 08:27

Thanks guys for the support. He managed to get in through the back room found him asleep in there this morning, going to chase him soon after I seen to DS. No way is he staying in this house sleeping.

OP posts:
HappyNevertheless · 08/05/2016 08:38

I'm [sock] at the idea that Borough winning is a rarer occurrence than a newborn.
Well in that case, he should have planned ahead. He should have stayed at home last weekend and organised a ONE OFF going out this weekend, just in case.
He shouldn't have taken a season ticket because clearly it says 'I'm going to be going every single match and I'm going to get pissed. Just live with it'

OP I like your attitude. Stay strong!

Original poster
Stardust160 · 08/05/2016 09:48

I've chased him out the house, his bag was already packed and waiting for him in his car with all his work clothes in and shoes. He can go stay at his mothers. There was no way I was allowing him to sleep in the house all day. I wasn't bothered about the season ticket if he was just going to the matches but not to go out on the piss. But stroll in at half 2 in the morning from going out at 11 has took the biscuit.

OP posts:
Costacoffeeplease · 08/05/2016 09:57

Good - hope this is a wake up call for him

MessyBun247 · 08/05/2016 10:01

Good for you stardust! You're doing the right thing Flowers

Squegg · 08/05/2016 10:06

If it was a one off because of the football it wouldn't be as bad but it sounds like it's a regular occurrence and he's not much use even when he is at home.

I would be fuming. Will he just sleep at his mums all day? I would have gone out with the baby and left the other dc for him to look after.

mummymeister · 08/05/2016 10:46

squegg would you really have left a drunk man in charge of a toddler and a 7 year old? sounds great in theory but in practice it would be just plain dangerous and I don't think there is any woman that would do this to her kids. its just too risky.
there is no point trying to have this out with him whilst he is drunk or hung over. the discussion needs to be had when he is stone cold sober. hope you get this sorted out OP.

AllThingsNautical · 08/05/2016 11:32

What mummymeister said - and even if he's severely hungover rather than still drunk, it's not fair on the children to be left with a grumpy, tired, stinking mess of a man all day on order to punish him especially on a lovely day like today. A selfish man like this wouldn't force himself to interact, take them out and make sure they had a nice time - they'd have a crap day being ignored or told off or shoved in front of the to while he slept. I said it up thread - I hate the way this is always suggested, it isn't the kids' fault and they shouldn't suffer for it.

kittybiscuits · 08/05/2016 11:35

You did the right thing OP Flowers

gingerbreadmanm · 08/05/2016 11:41

Good on you star hopefully learn his lesson. Hope youre ok.

Squegg · 08/05/2016 14:45

mummymeister no you're right it would be irresponsible and unfair on the dc's but I wouldn't be leaving him have a day in bed at his mums either.

shiveringhiccup · 08/05/2016 15:15

Wow good for you star, I hope this gets through to him. And if not, at least today you can just focus on you and the kids without him being a burden. Is there anyone who could help you? Family/ friends nearby? 2 kids and a newborn is very hard work and lonely if you haven't got the support.

Not that you need to hear it after all the pps, but I completely agree that YANBU and he is being an idiot. I don't care how big a fan he is or how important the match is - he has a partner who has very recently given birth, two children, and a newborn baby. That means he should be supporting you all, helping you around the house and allowing you to sleep when possible, and taking an interest in his children spending time with them. If it's really that important he should have asked you in advance and worked out a plan so that you didn't suffer - work out someone who could come and keep you company and help, or compromise on him not drinking or coming home by a certain time. His behaviour is appalling.

Thinking of you OP. And congratulations Flowers

purplefizz26 · 08/05/2016 15:43

He sounds like a selfish arse.

I don't give a flying shit about football or teams doing well. I say that as the wife of a huge lifelong football fan and understanding how much it means to some.

He has a newborn and a worn out DP, and that is more important.

Celebrating doesn't have to mean a full on night out, a couple of beers then going home, fine, but staying out all night, selfish.

alltouchedout · 08/05/2016 15:50

DH's team got promoted yesterday too. Our youngest is 17 months, not a mere 4 weeks. If he had pulled that selfish shit on me he would have come home to a locked door and any eejit who said "oh but his team got promoted go easy on him" would receive nothing from me but contempt.
OP, you're fabulous.

HappyNevertheless · 08/05/2016 17:37

Has he come out from his drunken stupor yet? Any news from him star?

CheshireChat · 08/05/2016 18:23

I hope your day is going OK star. I'm really impressed with the way you handled this.

imwithspud · 08/05/2016 18:28

Hope you've had a good day Star and well done for standing your ground and letting him know that you won't tolerate this behaviour anymore.

Cheby · 08/05/2016 19:06

Just read this thread. Well done for sending him packing OP, I hope your day has been OK. I can not believe there are people here who think it's acceptable behaviour. It's just football, it's a form of entertainment. His wife is juggling 3 children, one of whom is a newborn and she is exhausted. But because someone kicked a ball it's ok for him to fuck off out on the piss and leave her on her own to cope?

Not all men are like this, my DH has his faults but would never have abandoned me with a newborn so go out on the lash.