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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Scouts Parade v family life

363 replies

ParadiseCity · 23/04/2016 15:57

My 11 yo is in scouts and tomorrow there is a St Georges parade through town. His leader told them all 'it's compulsory and you can't be excused unless you are dead or dying'. However, DS is reluctant and I just don't have the inclination to jolly him into it. I'm glad he does scouts but at that age I was a guide and remember how embarrassing the public parades were. I'm normally ultra supportive of all their activities and think that when you have committed to something you stick with it etc. But he committed to Tuesday evenings down the road not a Sunday afternoon in town. I work full time, juggle a lot of stuff (as we all do), and just for once I CANNOT BE ARSED. AIBU and should I woman up and make him go?

OP posts:

Iguessyourestuckwithme · 23/04/2016 16:00

He needs to go.

500internalerror · 23/04/2016 16:01

It's only once a year, & I think he'll like the busy atmosphere when he's there (which will take away from the actual marching!). It's the promise renewel, which is a big thing for scouts. I always point out to the kids that the leaders put hours and hours every week into scouts, voluntarily, so the least the kids can do is turn up for parades :)

Pineapplemilkshake · 23/04/2016 16:02

We have this tomorrow and I'm feeling exactly the same way! I can see both sides, but I've decided to make DS go to it as I remember when my dad was a scout leader it was a lot of unpaid hours he put in and frustrating when the boys didn't attend these events. Our local group have arranged a cinema trip next week, but only boys who attend the parade can go - they must find bribery works!

Sirzy · 23/04/2016 16:03

I hope you aren't feeding him the idea of parades being something to be embarrassed about, they are something they should be proud of.

Leaders generally also work full time and juggle lots of stuff too. But like your son they have committed to something so will see it through,

Veterinari · 23/04/2016 16:03

YABU he's made a commitment. You can't just pick and choose this bits you want

Ohtobeskiing · 23/04/2016 16:03

So you say he committed to Tuesday evenings down the road and not Sunday afternoons in town. Would he/you feel the same if it were another activity on offer at the weekend?

BackforGood · 23/04/2016 16:05

I think it's important he goes.
When he gets there, it will be good for him to see that he's part of a much bigger thing than just his troop night in the week.
It's once a year, and a chance to renew the promise he made when he joined.
Agreed, it's not as 'fun' as the camps, but it's part of what he does, and once a year is not a lot to ask. Different if it were clashing with Granny's 100th birthday or something, but choice of going or cba, I'd make him go.

ProcrastinatorGeneral · 23/04/2016 16:07

The leader his right, it is compulsory. One day a year, he needs to go. I'm sure if it was camp he'd be chomping at the bit, but because it's parade he can't be arsed? Nah, doesn't work like that.

MilkTwoSugarsThanks · 23/04/2016 16:07

He's not committed to a Sunday activity is he?

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 23/04/2016 16:08

YABU.

He can't dip in and out when he feels like it, it's a commitment.

He needs to go.

Jenijena · 23/04/2016 16:09

I'm chair of our group.

Our line is we expect little from our young members, but attendance at remembrance at st George's day is a requirement.

Not all the leaders hmm enjoy the event, but it's part of scouting and what you 'buy' into when you're a member. And for leaders who give up hours and hours of their time, and yet another weekend afternoon, to hear that so and so didn't come because s/he didn't want to, it's really upsetting,

Cressandra · 23/04/2016 16:11

I think it's not much to ask when he has the upsides of lots of fun stuff all year, at a pretty nominal cost because the leaders all do it as volunteers. Completely get your inclination to take your foot off the pedal for once though.

iGoogleSoYouDontHaveTo · 23/04/2016 16:11

How can it be compulsory? What happens if he doesn't go - will he be chucked out of Scouts?

aurorie11 · 23/04/2016 16:12

My son is in beavers and he's going, no debate. He might not want to do this, but for me its a life lesson you sometimes have to take the rough with the smooth. He wants to do fun stuff include camps, so you do the annual parade its part of the deal.

ClopySow · 23/04/2016 16:12

Bollocks. I wouldn't make him go.

I think the scouts and guides and stuff are massively out dated.

MinervaMcG · 23/04/2016 16:12

This is why my children gave up Scouts. We always went when they were members but ultimately family time won out for them and me.

Original poster

ParadiseCity · 23/04/2016 16:12

Thanks.

I definitely haven't told him about parade embarrassment stuff.

He has done the parade every year since he started Beavers. So he knows all about what it will involve and what it will be like.

The question about other activities at weekends is a very good one and made me think. He does a sport every Sunday (and DD does a sport every Saturday) which I always take him to. I kind of feel Sundays belong to that commitment and Tuesdays belong to Scouts.

If he does the parade we will have c.40 mins to rush back from normal Sunday commitment for him to get showered and changed and eat something and drive into town find somewhere to park and get to the muster point. Which is all a gigantic pita. And if the first thing over runs even more so.

I really do appreciate what the leaders do and the hours they put in. But kind of wish it could all be fun stuff and skip the boring dull parts that no one really wants to do...

OP posts:

SirChenjin · 23/04/2016 16:16

He needs to go. It's a one-off annual event and he needs to suck it up. I completely get that you CBA, but when your DCs are members of clubs you need to show a level of commitment even when you just want to catch up with stuff at the weekends. It's a good life lesson - sometimes we really have to do stuff we don't want to do.

ineedaholidaynow · 23/04/2016 16:17

We have parade tomorrow. We always try and make sure DS(11) is available for St George's Day parade. It is a big part of being a Scout. Our District put on activities, BBQ and cakes after the parade, so it is for all the family not just the scouts. In fact I am currently elbow deep in flour making our cake contribution

DamsonInDistress · 23/04/2016 16:18

If there's one thing he should do as a member of world scouting it's this. It's a responsibility he and you accepted when he was invested and made his promise. If he chooses not to be a member in this one day, he should think very hard about whether he can be a member at all.

The last sentence of your last post is a sad reflection on both your attitudes.

Deux · 23/04/2016 16:18

In our group it is made very clear on joining that there are 2 mandatory musters - St George's Day and Remembrance Day.

I think UABU and yes you should chivvy him along.

Narp · 23/04/2016 16:19

It's a timely life lesson about commitment to a group. He should go.

AlmaMartyr · 23/04/2016 16:19

I'm going tomorrow because I'm a Beaver Leader. I don't particularly want to either, but it is part of the commitment. I already know we'll only have about 6 or so there out of 24. I do understand: my life is frantic and giving up a Sunday isn't great but it is a bit frustrating when you put loads of time into arranging fun things for kids and then people don't show up for the 'dull' bit. In our District, leaders have put vast amounts of time and effort into a special event this year in particular, trying out new ideas that the young people have asked for.

I don't really expect everyone there, because I know a lot of people just cannot make it! It is tricky, I do see both sides (I'm on both sides really!)

shouldwestayorshouldwego · 23/04/2016 16:20

I think that is the crux of the issue. If you have another commitment on a Sunday that clashes then that comes first. We have said from the start that ds won't be going to Church services because ds is Catholic and he has his own Church services at the same time. It might be different when he is 11 but for the moment he comes with us and dh not happy with him going to a non-Catholic church. Having said that, at 11 can't he be dropped in town and then find his way home with a friend?

Wherediditland · 23/04/2016 16:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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