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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Scouts Parade v family life

363 replies

ParadiseCity · 23/04/2016 15:57

My 11 yo is in scouts and tomorrow there is a St Georges parade through town. His leader told them all 'it's compulsory and you can't be excused unless you are dead or dying'. However, DS is reluctant and I just don't have the inclination to jolly him into it. I'm glad he does scouts but at that age I was a guide and remember how embarrassing the public parades were. I'm normally ultra supportive of all their activities and think that when you have committed to something you stick with it etc. But he committed to Tuesday evenings down the road not a Sunday afternoon in town. I work full time, juggle a lot of stuff (as we all do), and just for once I CANNOT BE ARSED. AIBU and should I woman up and make him go?

OP posts:
Original poster
ParadiseCity · 23/04/2016 17:18

'It's not difficult'

Actually it really really is difficult. He is not missing his morning commitment. The team can't afford to play without him. So the difficult bit is the cutting very fine to get to the parade. He doesn't want to go to it, so it's got to be me that chivvies him and bleats on about duty and drags smaller DC in tow. When I don't think it actually matters if he is there or not. If he ends up missing the parade, it will go on without him and he won't be missed.

This thread hasn't given me one single worthwhile reason why I/he should suck it up and go. It has made me a bit wary of the Scouting Ethos though. Life's boring sometimes so best learn it young kids and never forget Smile

OP posts:
HanYOLO · 23/04/2016 17:19

DS has loved Beavers, Cubs and is now is Scouts. It's given him tons of opportunities, lots of fun and friendships. He's been to every Remembrance parade and all but one St George's Days. I think the least we can do is show up twice per year.

If you are part of a sports team and you're equally committed to that then it would be fine to miss it, of course, especially if you've a match. To miss it because you "cannot be arsed" however, shows how little you value the community that you're kid is are supposedly part of.

PrimalLass · 23/04/2016 17:20

I think if you play football you could miss one match.

In our small village all the kids so the same things, and it is hard enough to get a team together as it is. So that would mean them all missing it. But for some reason letting that team and adult volunteer down is less important.

SoupDragon · 23/04/2016 17:21

You support your team, whether you play or not. You are there on the subs bench, handing out the oranges at half time even if you don't play

Can a scout parade go ahead without the full group? Yes.
Can a sports match be played without the full team? No.

End of story as far as I am concerned. One season DS2s rugby team had enough for a team plus about 1 spare. If he missed it for your "just one day" the whole team was let down completely and would forfeit the match.

HanYOLO · 23/04/2016 17:22

You're wrong. He will be missed. As will all the others who cannot be arsed. Ds often grumbles at the prospect and then comes back saying how good it has been (esp Remembrance Day) and often he sees his mates from other troupes.

(Sorry for flying apostrophe in post above.)

HanYOLO · 23/04/2016 17:23

Can a scout parade go ahead if no one "can be arsed"? No

SideOrderofChip · 23/04/2016 17:25

This thread hasn't given me one single worthwhile reason why I/he should suck it up and go. It has made me a bit wary of the Scouting Ethos though. Life's boring sometimes so best learn it young kids and never forget smile

I'm so glad that leaders do not have this attitude.

PerspicaciaTick · 23/04/2016 17:25

How many parades is he expected to attend each year. My DS is only expected to attend 1 per year and TBH, yes, we do move heaven and earth to attend it. If it was one a month, I would be more likely to pick and choose.

Also, if he is in Scouts, isn't he old enough for you to drop and run if it is tough with smaller DCs?

Itsmine · 23/04/2016 17:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

pearlylum · 23/04/2016 17:29

paradise- good for you. You seem to be raising a child who can think for themselves and that is to be applauded.

Knuckling down and not questioning is not always the best way forward in life.

Almostfifty · 23/04/2016 17:29

I am a Scout Leader.

I have every sympathy with those who have other commitments on the day, any other activity that they do regularly on that day takes precedence as far as I'm concerned. However, I feel that every Scout that can should attend the odd Parade that we do. In Scotland it's obviously different, (we don't celebrate St George's Day here, that's a surprise) but our Remembrance Service is one that I really push for as many of the Group to come along to.

Remember, we give up our time as well on these days, and when you've a Group with a huge waiting list, and are full to the brim, and can only muster up under half the Group for the one Parade you do a year, it makes you wonder why on earth you bother yourself.

OP, it wouldn't matter if your DS came along straight from his activity, just change him, give him a baby wipe to clean his face with, and do the Parade. He can have a shower afterwards.

LadyEdith · 23/04/2016 17:30

YABVU. He should go. Otherwise, you are teaching him that it's fine to duck out of commitments because you are reluctant or can't be arsed. Obviously there may be good reasons why some children don't go. You haven't got one.

TSSDNCOP · 23/04/2016 17:30

Than reluctant children trudging through town.

We have a parade. Never seen the kids looking anything other than up for it. Sometimes thinking a thing is going to be a bit dull leaves you pleasantly surprised.

My DS cannot go tomorrow as he has a rugby final, but I assure you he'd be there otherwise. It's what you sign up for. There's usually a good sing a long too. Bad form not to go without a very good excuse IMO, what happens if everyone takes your and his attitude and the leaders are standing there alone?

Original poster
ParadiseCity · 23/04/2016 17:31

Also, if he is in Scouts, isn't he old enough for you to drop and run if it is tough with smaller DCs?

He is, it's the getting back from Sport and getting ready and eating and getting to the dropping off point that is going to be a struggle.

I'm just so overtired and sick of tearing round like a blue arsed fly and trying to work out priorities. He has two things on on a day I could do with only having to deal with one iyswim. I only have so much energy, just done a huge week at work and got a major thing ahead this week and sick of running myself into the ground. Just so DS can go to something he isn't bothered about but apparently this could cause irreparable damage to his life outcomes Hmm

OP posts:
HailGallaxhar · 23/04/2016 17:32

Not wanting to be goady, but what is the point of parading? Is it some pseudo military thing? I can understand having a significant day in the calendar when scouts etc remember their pledge but why the marching?

I do think if you join something then you play by the rules of that thing, which for us would mean scouting would be a no-no as I don't agree with the 'duty to the Queen' bit.

Almostfifty · 23/04/2016 17:36

St George is the patron saint of Scouting. Remembrance Parade is another day we Parade.

Two in a whole year of fun activities. When do children start to discover that they can't just have the fun parts of things?

LadyEdith · 23/04/2016 17:36

Take him out of Scouts then. Then you'd have Tuesday evenings free as well.

Nanny0gg · 23/04/2016 17:37

A) You can make him a sandwich to eat in the car which will help with time.
B) It's a twice a year important commitment. He needs to do his part just as the scout movement does theirs to provide all those fun activities.

TSSDNCOP · 23/04/2016 17:38

Well just don't go then. You've clearly decided it's too much effort for you. What on earth was the point of asking the internet or were you expecting a rousing chorus if YANBU?

TSSDNCOP · 23/04/2016 17:39

Almost I think most of the kids think it's fun. It is in our town anyway.

pearlylum · 23/04/2016 17:39

almost50- so you suggest that these activities are not enjoyable. As you say "2 out of 50 enjoyable things"

Can you explain why it is important to force kids to parade to St George? Is it punitive? Cold comfort farm type thing?

GabiSolis · 23/04/2016 17:40

I have a Brownie pack. Some parents just don't care about what it actually means to have their DDs in the group. They drop them at the door and treat it like cheap childcare for a couple of hours. Some of them call us 'the staff' (yes really). You know these are the ones that will never show up to parades, either with or without an excuse. At the most we ask for four weekend days a year and these parents can never get their DDs there. Funnily enough though, they can always find the time for their DDs to get to a weekend camp.

Then there are the parents who are actually grateful for the time we put in with their kids, for no financial gain and at the expense of our own family time, and they have their DDs there for charity days and parades. It means a great deal to us leaders when the girls show up because it's a commitment they choose to stick to (like us running the group do every week).

I remember a few occasions where I've had to send out a begging text asking for an extra adult to stay for the night when we've been short on leaders. It's always the same one or two who say yes. Some don't even bother replying.

We are not taking part in a parade tomorrow, but I can guarantee that if we were less than 10 of my 30 girls would show up.

shazzarooney99 · 23/04/2016 17:41

The sad thing about this is the leaders who give up theyre free time to give your children lots of fun, this is a once a year thing, why can they always attend the fun things but yet not attend the one non fun thing?

JakeBallardswife · 23/04/2016 17:43

FFS, scouting isn't scary. It's a church parade, once a year the other day is rememberance Sunday. the rest of the year is fun stuff. It's part of the community commitment etc

pearlylum · 23/04/2016 17:44

gabi- so what is your motivation?"Some parents just don't care about what it actually means" - what does it mean?

"my girls" sounds a bit prime of Miss Jean Brodie. Scary in fact.