Scouts Parade v family life

[ParadiseCity]

My 11 yo is in scouts and tomorrow there is a St Georges parade through town. His leader told them all 'it's compulsory and you can't be excused unless you are dead or dying'. However, DS is reluctant and I just don't have the inclination to jolly him into it. I'm glad he does scouts but at that age I was a guide and remember how embarrassing the public parades were. I'm normally ultra supportive of all their activities and think that when you have committed to something you stick with it etc. But he committed to Tuesday evenings down the road not a Sunday afternoon in town. I work full time, juggle a lot of stuff (as we all do), and just for once I CANNOT BE ARSED. AIBU and should I woman up and make him go?

Mine really enjoyed the parade this year, the service was full of pop hits and Toy Story's 'you've got a friend in me', hardly all stuffy hymns, and seeing 1000 guides, sea cadets, scouts all together was quite a sight.

With regard to parent helpers, our Guide leaders are very bad at saying if they want help. I am happy to help with pretty much anything, packing away, helping with activities, staying to be an extra person, but they are not that friendly to the parents and tend to stay in a big leader/senior section group, and very much want to be in charge. I did go along to a couple of things early on as they were out of town and couldn't really go away again and come back and they just ignored me! So, I'm not sure all packs want parent helpers, or if they do, they need to be very specific in what they need, not just mutter a lot. I always thank them, send a card of thanks after trips/email to say how great it was- they don't reply! I'm not quite sure what's going on but they seem to have enough bodies without parents and seem to like to keep themselves as the ones in charge, which is absolutely fine as they are great at it and the children love Guides. I think what is expected of parents varies enormously (we have to provide lots of ingredients, come to pamper evenings and generally support from the outside).

Yes, I'd far rather they were very specific about what they needed. If they say can three people help make the lunches and another three help clear up when we finish, then we know what's needed to enable the activity to run. If they just vaguely say 'help' then I have no idea what's needed or if I can assist around other commitments. I have just volunteered to help with an activity though and am badgering some other parents into helping too.

That slight complaint aside I am very appreciative of the hard work put in by the leaders.

"Yes, I'd far rather they were very specific about what they needed."

I imagine most volunteer run organizations have tried both way- the very specific and the what might you be able to do. Neither has much effect. It's fascinating that if you live in a small town and are actively involved in stuff, you keep on meeting the same few people also being actively involved in stuff..............

DS has never been to the parades. He has a disability which means he finds them difficult and I don't take him to the mother's day church service because it's my mother's day and I don't want to have to get up early to spend the morning sitting in a church.

He actually doesn't like cubs very much at all but I make him go because he's excluded from pretty much all other out of school activities.

I really had no idea that the volunteers (who choose to volunteer I presume) had such contempt for children and their families who don't do the parades and worship bits. And like the last couple of posters, I have helped out a bit and found it pretty soul-destroying. I was largely ignored and then told off for putting mayonnaise in tuna sandwich filling as one of the cubs was allergic to eggs.

This thread has made me realise that cubs isn't the place for him. Or indeed for us as a family.

Lynda :(

Maybe he just needs to try a different group if there is one?

Different leaders and different kids can provide completely different experiences.

Linda - I honestly don't think there is contempt from the volunteers!

And everyone recognises that the pressures are entirely different when you are supporting a child with a disability.

And anyway you do help out - pretty bad to get 'told off' - and sorry you feel excluded - but if your DS enjoys Cubs then stick with it!!

"really had no idea that the volunteers (who choose to volunteer I presume) had such contempt for children and their families who don't do the parades and worship bits"

Oh, ffs! If there is contempt for anyone it is for the volunteers, with their poor sad empty lives and neediness.

Nobody has said anything about people who can't attend parades and stuff for good reasons. It's the "can't be arsed" and "it should only be be fun fun fun" brigade who have drawn a raised eyebrow or two.

He actually doesn't like cubs very much at all but I make him go because he's excluded from pretty much all other out of school activities

That's a real shame, have you asked him why he doesn't enjoy cubs? If there are specific problems, find out what they are and raise this with his leaders.

I was largely ignored and then told off for putting mayonnaise in tuna sandwich filling as one of the cubs was allergic to eggs

It's not right to tell you off, and it's a shame that you felt ignored. I think, unfortunately, that it's sometimes a case that the leaders are just so busy that they don't have time to chat, or even notice if you need guidance if you don't ask.

We really appreciate the parents who help on our rota each week at cub meetings, but I can see how they might occasionally feel ignored, as we are running around after 32 energetic cubs !

He actually doesn't like cubs very much at all but I make him go because he's excluded from pretty much all"

I agree about finding out what it is he doesn't like about Cubs- and also, why he is excluded from other activities. Are they doing all they should to make them accessible to him?

Sorry - Linda - you said he isn't mad about Cubs, but if you think he is getting something out of it, it could be good to keep encouraging him to go.

And what Bertrand said "Nobody has said anything about people who can't attend parades and stuff for good reasons. It's the "can't be arsed" and "it should only be be fun fun fun" brigade who have drawn a raised eyebrow or two"

Don't take it personally!

Scouting and Guiding have a very different ethos to say a youth club. They are about instilling certain values in young people not merely entertaining them.I think some people fail to understand this when they sign up their kids.

The pull for my DS was the badges :) as soon as he saw there were badges to get he was hooked for life. this from a boy who is scared of stickers (and sticker residue) to the point where I have to be very careful about which bananas I buy - hence people finding single bananas in the display - if they all have stickers on then that's my local shop!

I'm just as likely to use it about people who do agree with me- I actually just couldn't think of another word. Contingent? Group? People?

I am however, prepared to be pretty rude to the people who take without even giving a little back. unless they have good reason (If I could underline that I would but I can't, so I'll repeat it UNLlESS THEY HAVE GOOD REASON

But I rather like the idea of community. I know Mumsnet is generally a haunt of "my little family" types, and doing things for others with no ulterior motive is regarded with suspicion, cynicism, pity, humour or contempt. Or treated as shameless self aggrandisement. But not everyone thinks like that.Fortunately.

itsmine did she not make a guide promise?

Is there less emphasis on parading for Brownies/Guides than for Cubs/Scouts? We were only emailed on Saturday to let us know it was happening and the tone was very much 'welcome to come if you want' (we didn't).

"If you are basing that rather seeping generalisation on some people missing a parade, its a bit harsh grin"

Nothing to do with parades. All to do with the attitude to volunteers.

I think it just depends on your area/leaders etc rather than a Scout v guides thing tbh. we have no emphasis on parading in Scouts - no requirement at all in fact.

^Can a scout parade go ahead without the full group? Yes.
Can a sports match be played without the full team? No^

That's not true though. My dd plays football, and, for various reasons there is often at least one player missing most weeks. One Scout missing from hundreds isn't going to make a massive difference, no, but if no-one goes then it won't be much of a parade, will it? It's the same principle. Thinking 'it won't matter if just my dc doesn't go' only works out if other parents don't do the same.

OP's dc hadn't got a match on at the same time anyway - that would be different and get a different response from me, it's just that OP doesn't want to rush him from one activity to another. As a parent who encourages their dc to belong to things though, that's just what happens sometimes. It's a pain, but I'd rather than than have an inert child who isn't out, taking part in things, getting exercise and making all sorts of friends in different places.

Not wanting to be goady, but what is the point of parading? Is it some pseudo military thing? I can understand having a significant day in the calendar when scouts etc remember their pledge but why the marching?

Nothing to do with military. It's about standing up in public and shouting that Scouting is alive and kicking. I agree with the poster who said the dc usually enjoy it - kids tend to love "marching" (well, it's usually an amble ) behind a band, flags held aloft.
Also agree with those who say it doesn't have to be in a Church - our District have had outdoor events for the last 6 or 7 years now. Even when it was in a Church, it tended to be much like a school assembly, with one pack or colony acting out the story and the others watching.

I can't quite see my Scottish Scout Group agreeing to a parade celebrating the English Patron Saint...

Actually, there were a LOT of Scouts in kilts (some Scottish and some from Northern Ireland) on St Georges Day Parade yesterday, at Windsor Castle with Bear Grylls and Prince Michael of Kent. 600+ young adults from around the UK who had achieved the Queens Scout Award over the last year. Bet they had all been to their own District events quite a lot over the years ;-)

1- or possibly 2 a year is hardly "an emphasis on parading"!

And ours certainly have a tendency to do the respectful amble, so that nobody mistakes them for Cadets.......

I am however, prepared to be pretty rude to the people who take without even giving a little back. unless they have good reason (If I could underline that I would but I can't, so I'll repeat it UNLlESS THEY HAVE GOOD REASON.
The PP who moaned about someone saying they didnt have room in their car for a tent. Well maybe they had another journey to take afterwards. Maybe they were were doing a favor for the school orcbestra and were on Tuba duty that week. Maybe they were paying it Sideways?

How could you possibly know what peoples reasons are for saying No. And who decides whether its a good enough reason or not. Being judged for not helping could possibly make people less likely to offer to help in the future?
I've worked and volunteer ed for a number of organizations/charities

As I mentioned earlier, it seems there is no clear overall rules or guidelines to scouting/guides. Some groups are traditional and some groups more laid back. Infact is it not a worldwide organization. I imagine life leasons are learned in many different way.

Out of interest, honestly I dont know. How is scouts/guides funded? Is it subs/contributions only. Do they have charitable status, can they apply for funding for paid staff?
I have worked with and volunteered for a few orgs/charities that heavily rlied on volunteers to run The ones IMO that ran most smoothly for participants and volunteers where the once that had dedicated volunteer recruitment offiers. Ensuring the right training and people for the job, and massively cutting down on tuna-mayo incedents that make people think 'why bother!'

DD's Brownies had 5 church parades a year (Easter, Mothering Sunday, Harvest, Remembrance Sunday, Christmas).
DS's Beavers had 1 parade (Remembrance Sunday).
I think it is more to do with the ethos of individual groups than it is to do with guiding vs scouting.

Scouting and Guiding have a very different ethos to say a youth club. They are about instilling certain values in young people not merely entertaining them.I think some people fail to understand this when they sign up their kids.

I think this is right and I didn't realise that (I'm not from the UK).

DS doesn't like team games. He doesn't fare well in group activities. He is not good at running or catching or crafts. I even have to cajole him into doing the activity days.

So I think he's probably just not the right sort of person for scouting!