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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not be able to sympathise a financial situation?

163 replies

Rudechoob · 23/04/2016 09:39

Ok, my friend called me up And had a whinge last night saying as she has started work part-time (16hrs pw) as she refuses to be away from her 2kids any longer. She now has to start contributing towards her rent £130 a month towards a 3bed house. She has her wage and tax credits etc etc so she isn't struggling as such. Shes always clothes shopping even able to book a holiday during school holidays!

She wanted sympathy.

I didn't have it, i was pissed off. Me and DP currently work 42-46hrs a week each (he has his own business and takes a minimal salary) and we are struggling, no benefits no hand outs, nothing soon as my wage goes in 90% is on bills, rent etc. Dp does the food shops, pays loan etc...its all even.

I snapped and told her welcome to the real world...its a struggle etc etc and how if she can book a holiday she can't be that hard up...and she flipped calling me jealous etc.

Sorry for fucking being honest!

I'm sorry but to complain about having to pay £130 for rent?!???

But we cant afford jack shit, no holidays, new clothes,

OP posts:
Oysterbabe · 23/04/2016 09:45

Yabu.
Childcare costs probably would make working more hours pointless for her. She's allowed to be frustrated with her situation even if you believe yours is worse, it's not a competition.

Shinyshoes2 · 23/04/2016 09:48

I could have written that OP
Blame the system , it needs overhauling.

It soundnt pay to work as few hours as possible to get the maximum in tax credits , housing benefit etc

katemiddletonsnudeheels · 23/04/2016 09:49

Yes, it's the system that's at fault here.

PPie10 · 23/04/2016 09:50

It soundnt pay to work as few hours as possible to get the maximum in tax credits , housing benefit etc

Agree, it's seriously flawed if people can get away with this.

Draylon · 23/04/2016 09:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

UpsiLondoes · 23/04/2016 10:09

YANBU if she knows you're financially worse off than her. Maybe she doesn't?

Thing is, if you're going to disclose your personal financial situation to someone - either make sure they're better off or in same position as you are if you're looking for sympathy. It's human nature to compare and I wouldn't be genuinely sympathetic to anyone who was better off and moaning about it to me.

pictish · 23/04/2016 10:12

To be fair, your circumstances aren't of her doing are they? You're not more entitled to complain than she is...you've made your choices based on your reasons and so has she.
You are envious.

pictish · 23/04/2016 10:13

P.s What's the point of her working full time only to hand it all over to childcare?

Original poster
Rudechoob · 23/04/2016 10:14

She knows about our situation. She doesn't have to pay child care. She works when they are in school. Childcare comes on in the school hols yes but its only school clubs no child minding etc and i even look after her little one for free ( after ive done a night shift too) xx

OP posts:
MrsDeVere · 23/04/2016 10:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Rudechoob · 23/04/2016 10:21

I would but I'm training in support work.

OP posts:
pictish · 23/04/2016 10:22

Not her fault is it?

Fairenuff · 23/04/2016 10:27

It's not her fault but I do agree that she can't be that hard up if she's managing to go away on holiday too. That said, are you talking flights or a tent in cornwall? Big difference.

MrsDeVere · 23/04/2016 10:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Ivegotyourgoat · 23/04/2016 10:29

I do have sympathy for single parents.

Yes she's able to work part time and still be financially ok. However lots of single parents have to do literally everything on their own, it's not easy at all.

I'm sure you'll come back and say the dad has them every weekend, but lots do it all single handed.

Nothing is stopping you doing it if it's such a great life.

pictish · 23/04/2016 10:29

I thought the same. How can two people be working 46 hours a week each for the same household and still be struggling to buy clothes?

MrsDeVere · 23/04/2016 10:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NeedsAsockamnesty · 23/04/2016 10:30

She's obviously not getting maximum HB if she has to contribute 130 a month towards her rent, but that wouldn't fit much with the OMG she only works 16 hours rant would it.

Op you have no sympathy and made some unplesant coments and have no started a benefit ranty thread on the basis that you have a friend whose poorer than you and you don't understand the basic concept of means tested benefits those things you would also get if you were as poor as she is.

Ivegotyourgoat · 23/04/2016 10:30

They can't can they Pictish? Unless there's some seriously bad budgeting going on.

Uncoping · 23/04/2016 10:33

You're envious.
She gets to work minimal hours while still taking advantage of a flawed system which means she gets more time with her kids and money to have nice things.

You must be getting paid absolute pennies before you are both putting in 46 hour weeks and still are "skint". Especially as your husband owns his own business.

Even on the money I'm on (only just above minimum wage) I would be doing great if I could fit in a 46 hour week, you must be paying out a lot a month...

Imnotaslimjim · 23/04/2016 10:33

I do understand why you are cross at her complaining.

It's really hard, emotionally, to work hard and seem to have nothing at the end of it. And then comes along and declares "life is hard...life is unfair" because she's got one extra bill to pay.

My DH has just moved jobs, taking a pay cut in the process and I know I'm extremely lucky that I get some back from tax credits. Him moving would never have been possible if we didn't but the move was better for his mental health. Where he was working was slowly destroying him and turning him into an angry sulky grump. The pay cut was worth getting my DH back. I would never consider complaining that life has become a little difficult during the change though, its our own doing!

Spartak · 23/04/2016 10:33

Why aren't you claiming child benefit?

Uncoping · 23/04/2016 10:36

Also, your friend will have to have less money than you.
It's a means tested system, she obviously has spare money because she doesn't have things like loans to pay for & probably budgets better than you do.

Pagwatch · 23/04/2016 10:36

DH and I own our own business and currently don't make a penny. It's new so not profitable yet although it will be.

Is the business not making any money yet OP?

PortiaCastis · 23/04/2016 10:36

Do you have children? Who looks after them while you and your dh are doing all these hours?

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