To not be able to sympathise a financial situation?

[Rudechoob]

Ok, my friend called me up And had a whinge last night saying as she has started work part-time (16hrs pw) as she refuses to be away from her 2kids any longer. She now has to start contributing towards her rent £130 a month towards a 3bed house. She has her wage and tax credits etc etc so she isn't struggling as such. Shes always clothes shopping even able to book a holiday during school holidays!

She wanted sympathy.

I didn't have it, i was pissed off. Me and DP currently work 42-46hrs a week each (he has his own business and takes a minimal salary) and we are struggling, no benefits no hand outs, nothing soon as my wage goes in 90% is on bills, rent etc. Dp does the food shops, pays loan etc...its all even.

I snapped and told her welcome to the real world...its a struggle etc etc and how if she can book a holiday she can't be that hard up...and she flipped calling me jealous etc.

Sorry for fucking being honest!

I'm sorry but to complain about having to pay £130 for rent?!???

But we cant afford jack shit, no holidays, new clothes,

"Dp does the food shops, pays loan etc."

You're in debt and maybe she isn't and that's what's making the difference, not the working part-time and claiming benefits.

Uncoping DP is in his first year of his business so as I said, he is taking a minimum wage from the company.

My ex-p my sons dad claims the cb as he has him 5days at the more a month as i do extra shifts etc. We dont split maintenance as childcare is pretty much equal. Which works well for us all really.

My ex mother in law helps out, sons dad and i work night shifts. So dp at night

Totally agree Mrsdevere it's like competitive misery, a race to the bottom.

No pagwatch, he can't match his old salary yet. We dont rely on his income as one month he may not be able to take a salary. He takes a weekly income when he can but its normally minimum wage to keep the business afloat xx

Well again OP, while I sympathise with you, those are the choices you and your dh have knowingly made to suit you.
Just like your friend has.

The point of her working full time is to acquire a record of experience, build up a pension, build up a CV so she can eventually earn more money herself and take less money from other hardworking taxpayers who don't want to support people who can work.

At the end of the day I flipped as we are struggling here too. My dps salary goes on debts and maintenance for his kids and covers our food shop.

I was off for two weeks last month which affected wage badly. Still have to pay full rent with this wage etc.

I think she hit a nerve complaining about her outgoings knowing full well we are struggling.

She should probably take a step back and get some perspective, yes. But the amount of hours you work a week is completely irrelevant. You do sound jealous.

Mrsdevere why??!

But you and your dp have other people looking after your kids for you. She doesn't. If she worked full time the extra would end up going on after school club anyway.

If you're so jealous and think her life is better than feel free to manoeuvre yourself I to a similar position.

Cut your hours, dumpnthe evidently failing business. Get yourself all the "handouts" you can and then you'll be happy... Yes?
I doubt it...
Lofe living I her situation isn't the joyous existence that people seem to believe it is.

We're lucky right now, my GF works 25-35 hours a week and I stay at home.
We claim what we can and we get by, just about.
I could find work but what employer will hire me for 3hours Mon, we'd, Fri afternoon whilst DD is at nursery? What employer will hire me to work unknown hours when my GF who works shifts is off?

We could put our 3yo into full time childcare and py for it but then I'd have to work 30ish hours just to pay for the childcare. Once you're working that amount you start being stripped of "handouts" so to make up that difference you have to work another 30 hours ish, to have money for anything barring essentials then add another 10 hours to that. All of this becomes a nightmare very very quickly.

The alternative is to carry on as we are, make the best of what we can, budget and stretch, go without a car, without holidays, without loans and credit etc. Hope that when DD hits school that I can find some work that will actually be worthwhile doing.

Life in this trap is shit, we're lucky, other people have to go to food banks to feed their children, others have to go into hostels as they lost their homes, others are forced to live in properties that you wouldn't keep your dog in and everyone in our situation is only one step away from being in that same predicament.

If that appeals to you, if you think that's better, you go for it.

I do kind of get where you are coming from. I always remember my DS saying how she would never work in a job she didn't enjoy as life was too short. She said it as if people who did were stupid. Her DP was working 16 hours a week, she was a SAHM, and they got lots of financial support with the kids from family. My DP and I were working full time in jobs we didn't enjoy, to pay the bills. Like most people have to.
It wasn't her financial situation I envied, more like her complete lack of awareness of what life is like for most people.

No mrsdevere hes in his first 6months of trade....he will be taking on a member of staff in two months as his needs the help as he has so much work on!

Which is a good thing....

Depends on experience mrsdevere is in the automotive industry it can be anything from 10 to 20

46 hours a week at the new living wage of £7.20 an hour is over £17k per annum. If your dh is pulling similar from the business you have a decent income. Stop moaning and focus on your own life.

Why on earth to 'self mades' think that minimum wage serfs like us are living it up on benefits? And why are we being castigated as benefits scroungers when we work?

No debts, no 'maintenance' payments here, one 16 YO car - we get 'help' due to low wages, but we are certainly not living it up!

No holiday since 2011 (butlins weekend holiday), have to eat tesco value stuff, no money for cosmetics, heating is off as soon as the temp rises above 13 degrees, secondhand furniture and hand-me-down clothing. We're happy, but poor.

The people you see 'living it up' on benefits are those making a bit of money on the side. Ebay sales, cash in hand jobs, etc.

Totally feel your pain OP. I can't stand the fact that DH and I work full time just to make the ends meet. No tax credits as we're apparently over the threshold and it doesn't matter I pay half of my wage for childcare and the other half goes on bills etc.
Maybe we should all fuck off work and take advantage of the system so that we can spend time with our children.
Sure as hell I am jealous of people who can do that and it frustrates me when they dare to complain.

Well in a few years hopefully your dh business will be making some money and you will be able to
afford holidays a new car etc

Many are stuck in not being able to take that gamble they have no back up so while they may be able to afford a holiday the likelihood their life will financially improve (and for some a holiday is beyond their reach) is unlikely they have reached their peak

You are in a position where you can take that gamble that is a better position to be in