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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not be able to sympathise a financial situation?

163 replies

Rudechoob · 23/04/2016 09:39

Ok, my friend called me up And had a whinge last night saying as she has started work part-time (16hrs pw) as she refuses to be away from her 2kids any longer. She now has to start contributing towards her rent £130 a month towards a 3bed house. She has her wage and tax credits etc etc so she isn't struggling as such. Shes always clothes shopping even able to book a holiday during school holidays!

She wanted sympathy.

I didn't have it, i was pissed off. Me and DP currently work 42-46hrs a week each (he has his own business and takes a minimal salary) and we are struggling, no benefits no hand outs, nothing soon as my wage goes in 90% is on bills, rent etc. Dp does the food shops, pays loan etc...its all even.

I snapped and told her welcome to the real world...its a struggle etc etc and how if she can book a holiday she can't be that hard up...and she flipped calling me jealous etc.

Sorry for fucking being honest!

I'm sorry but to complain about having to pay £130 for rent?!???

But we cant afford jack shit, no holidays, new clothes,

OP posts:
newmumwithquestions · 23/04/2016 13:37

Oops, £130 not £160! Even less to moan about!

NeedsAsockamnesty · 23/04/2016 13:49

Chances are she's had a winge to someone who she believes is her friend because she's found it a bit shocking that she's probally only about £35 a week better off than when not working and that will not include any travel to work costs.

She's winged because she's still skint, just like the op whose financial position is much better than hers is also doing.

What a cunt hang her at dawn.

nocutsnobuttsnococonuts · 23/04/2016 14:59

I have skim read the thread. I can see where you are both coming from.

my situation is similar to the friends in that i started work but financially was not really better off. instead i am struggling for time, spend less time with my children and most of my wages make up the loss in housing benefit and tax credits. i love my job and thats why im doing it but sometimes i do moan about the unfairness of the system and lack of money.

pointythings · 23/04/2016 15:22

You're allowed to feel frustrated, OP. But just be aware that you are doing exactly what this shit shower of a government would like you to do - feel envy of people who you feel have it better than you, when the truth is that you are all being shafted by people who have a major interest in keeping people on low wages poor and desperate.

GoblinLittleOwl · 23/04/2016 15:38

P.s What's the point of her working full time only to hand it all over to childcare?

She is working, supporting her own family, not living off other people.

expatinscotland · 23/04/2016 15:56

You'd think C5 producers were posting on here. Hmm

HopeClearwater · 23/04/2016 16:02

My dps salary goes on debts and maintenance for his kids and covers our food shop.

Pity he has debts he needs to service ... You've both got children with other people. Splitting up and then blending families is an expensive business.

BishopBrennansArse · 23/04/2016 16:40

I'm lol at MrsDV being a 'keyboard warrior'.
She'd sooooo say it to someone's face.

Medusacascade · 23/04/2016 17:19

Income support and carers allowance since January this year here too. Every week I get the brown envelope of doom suspending benefits, under paying benefits, pages of forms asking me to justify benefits, repeatedly sending me job centre interviews while at camhs appointments or school runs. Last week we were living off of £2 a day for food. Do fucking swap with me for a week. I'm shattered, poor and a single parent and no one who has not been a single parent can understand how incredibly difficult it can be when working part time or full time or on benefits,

TutanKaDashian · 23/04/2016 17:25

I can understand your frustration OP. However, it isn't really your friend's fault that the TC system works like this. I remember when I worked 20 hours a week (term time), due to full tax credits/HB etc, I actually had more a month than I do now working full time now DS is at school. Crazy!

AppleSetsSail · 23/04/2016 17:33

Pity he has debts he needs to service ... You've both got children with other people. Splitting up and then blending families is an expensive business.

This.

missymayhemsmum · 23/04/2016 17:48

She's frustrated because as a lone parent in rented housing however many hours she works she will probably be no better off. She's stuck- 1 step forward and 1 step back. And yes, actually lone parents have lost the most under this and the last government and are likely to lose more.

You're frustrated because you and your dp work bloody hard to make ends meet without the help she gets, barely covering your outgoings. But presumably at some point he will be able to earn a decent wage from the business.

Nobody unreasonable so far, except that when life is tough, friends don't need a who's having it toughest competition.

scarlets · 23/04/2016 18:53

She's in the more precarious position. All people who rely on benefits are, because no one knows what the chancellor will do next. It's better to be self sufficient like you, if possible - you needn't worry about the government's whims.

cannotlogin · 23/04/2016 19:15

A single parent gets help with childcare so they can work

Just to be clear,a there is no 'single parent benefit'.

Single parents are subject to the same means testing as couples or single people without children.

Single parents who earn over the various thresholds that exist for childcare do not receive any help at all.

Atenco · 23/04/2016 19:29

Envy is such a destructive emotion, OP. You have made choices that have ended up with you not being the resident parent and working 46 hours a week. I think this is all about your own dissatisfaction, your friend is working to look after her two children and you do not know what she sacrifices to be able to take them on holiday.

OrangesandLemonsNow · 23/04/2016 19:35

My god my and my husband bring in in 20k between us and manage a mortgage, two holidays and we manage to go out when we want plus the expensive of paying for nursery and having a child. I count ourselves lucky

Without CTC?

Where do you live because it must be very very cheap to do all of that with a household income of 20k which is way less than even the national average.

Dollymixtureyumyum · 24/04/2016 09:23

Ah we live in the poor poor north you see where everything is supposedly cheap.
The holidays i should have said mean a week in a caravan and a week camping. Not abroad

Dollymixtureyumyum · 24/04/2016 09:26

Also when I say go our when we want I meant once a month or so together and then prob once a month apart with friends. Honestly we do manage well it's a case of budgeting and quite often buying second hand clothes in charity shops etc but we do manage and have a good life

GreaseIsNotTheWord · 24/04/2016 10:31

Dolly - on a household income of £20k with registered childcare to pay for, there's no way you're not getting TC's!

And if you're not, you're silly, because you'd be entitled to them.

Alexa444 · 24/04/2016 12:05

Pisses me right off too op. They work the absolute minimum, book holidays at peak time, waste money on luxuries and then have the cheek to moan about their lot in life while some of us work ourselves to the bone to pay for the lazy bastards in taxes. What help do we get? She should be grateful she gets anything and like you said if she is that hard up she shouldn't be going on bloody holiday.

MrsDeVere · 24/04/2016 13:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Atenco · 24/04/2016 14:00

Yeah, MrsDeVere!

SouthWestmom · 24/04/2016 18:44

most of my wages make up the loss in housing benefit and tax credits

Nocuts - that's the problem right there with the system. You see it as a loss of income whereas actually it should only ever be there while you can't earn enough to cover expenses.

NeedsAsockamnesty · 24/04/2016 19:49

Yeah....like I said. No-one just works anymore do they?

I do MrsD I just work, I worked out fairly quickly that the more money I get paid the less work I actually do.

Granted if it all goes tits up on my head be it and a consiquences of that is I could end up in prison but I get to sit at a desk and all I am required to do is think.

I think in between spending a vast amount of time being on MN and drinking coffee that someone else has made me but most of the time it's a piece of piss.

I most certainly do not work has hard as the woman who sells me my newspaper in the morning nor as hard as the one who makes my lunch and whilst I may occasionally have to figure out how I'm going to get a family of 9 inc older teenage boys and 4 horses from A to B (and where B is going to be) at 4am with little to no notice my work is never going to cause me to have swollen feet or to put my back out, I don't get verbally abused by members of the public several times a day nor do I run the risk of a manager whose going to treat me like I'm something they have stepped in

SouthWestmom · 24/04/2016 19:52

Really? Because I work a lot harder than when I worked in a bar or behind a till. I work out of hours, I have to keep on top of HR stuff, legislation, time tabling, reports - not everyone who 'thinks' for a living is taking the piss and faffing around on mumsnet.