To not be able to sympathise a financial situation?

[Rudechoob]

Ok, my friend called me up And had a whinge last night saying as she has started work part-time (16hrs pw) as she refuses to be away from her 2kids any longer. She now has to start contributing towards her rent £130 a month towards a 3bed house. She has her wage and tax credits etc etc so she isn't struggling as such. Shes always clothes shopping even able to book a holiday during school holidays!

She wanted sympathy.

I didn't have it, i was pissed off. Me and DP currently work 42-46hrs a week each (he has his own business and takes a minimal salary) and we are struggling, no benefits no hand outs, nothing soon as my wage goes in 90% is on bills, rent etc. Dp does the food shops, pays loan etc...its all even.

I snapped and told her welcome to the real world...its a struggle etc etc and how if she can book a holiday she can't be that hard up...and she flipped calling me jealous etc.

Sorry for fucking being honest!

I'm sorry but to complain about having to pay £130 for rent?!???

But we cant afford jack shit, no holidays, new clothes,

[StrictlyMumDancing]

I similarly lost it with an ex friend who constantly moaned about how hard she had it, but would throw a hissy fit if I couldn't attend events or places with her because we couldn't afford it. I remember, in the heated moment, pointing out how she'd be able to afford more basic living if she wasn't always out at these places or dining out. Got told I was jealous too, I wasn't. We were struggling our butts off which she knew and I never felt those sort of things to be necessary in my life - they're a luxury for when times are good. She was exceptionally insensitive and unrealistic. But that's one of many reasons she is an ex friend.

[Rudechoob]

Thank you tatiana! Xx

[Yellowsun11]

I work 20 - 22hours husband works 45 ish hours . I'm currently looking for a different job as when covering holiday I'm nearly full time . We don't want this . I want to be there with our primary age child - why is that so bad ?

[AndNowItsSeven]

In a few years though with your dh business you will be in a much better financial situation. Having a business is a privileged position. Your " friend" will most likely still be struggling financially.

[Yellowsun11]

We don't get tax credits but do get child benifit and live in social housing -

[Babyroobs]

I have a colleague who works just 16hours a week, has one 15 yr old dd. She refuses to work any more hours as she would lose housing benefit and have to pay more towards her rent. Sje has a good support network, mum living next door etc, manages to afford mini cruises away and her dd has every new gadget going. It is the system that is all wrong.

[Rudechoob]

I'm not moaning about my life!!!!

Yes its a struggle and we are getting by but my point is people who are better off for doing less and get help,complain when they have to contribute back to the system!

[Stripyhoglets]

Yanbu to be annoyed. She was very insensitive. However she will be at the mercy of the universal credit system eventually - while you will be self sufficient. I hope your dps business starts to pay off soon.

[EnthusiasmDisturbed]

I agree you should be able to spend time with your children in the holidays

Two parents working can share the time

A single parent gets help with childcare so they can work the other option is life on benefits and we all know what is thought of about single mothers living on benefits

[Crabbitface]

You are frustrated with your situation not hers. You have a blended family which is always going to complicate financial matters because of maintenance payments. You have debts and paying those back always feels like a trudge. BUT you do have free childcare. You don't mention what if any support your friend has. I think you might be more inclined to be sympathetic if your own situation wasn't so exhausting.

To be honest, she may well be telling her pals how fed up she is of people who have two adults at home and completely free childcare judging her for choosing a half-decent life over one of drudgery and despair.

[AlleyCatandRastaMouse]

The OPs friend rang up to have a moan about having to contribute to her own rent when she can now afford to do so. People are having a go at the OP for feeling that really is not something she can be sympathic too as her friend has the money to do this. I think people on this thread need to give there head a wobble a big one if you can afford to contribute to your rent because you have the money to do so, then don't moan about it.

I can absolutely guarantee if the friend had written her 'moan' up on AIBU she would be told she was being unreasonable and to suck it up but when someone says it to her face instead of from behind a keyboard then they are being unreasonable. The irony if Mumsnet is laughable.

[Tatiana11235]

Yellowsun, there's absolutely nothing wrong with that. That's what i would love to do as well. But because I'm not single and my husband isn't loaded I can't do that. Hence irritation with those who can but still complain.

[AlleyCatandRastaMouse]

If = of

[Crabbitface]

ANd if it just the fact that she complained about it ...to her "friend" then I think you are being unreasonable. Surely any life change is worthy of comment to a friend and often people just bump their gums. She might be feeling a bit overwhelmed by the change in her situation, she might just have been having a bad day and needed to vent, she might actually be worried about meeting the rent payments. Pals really should be able to vent to one another and if you felt that she was being unreasonable you could have kindly pointed out all of the benefits she will get from working and kindly explained that sometimes you feel overwhelmed by your situation too. NOT snapped at her and then come onto MN to bitch about her.

[yadrosh]

However she will be at the mercy of the universal credit system eventually

How nice...

Makes me proud to be British when I read comments like these...

[Rudechoob]

Just to clarify.....

JUST BECAUSE YOU ARE A BUSINESS OWNER -ESPECIALLY IN YOUR FIRST YEAR DOESNT MEAN YOUR WEALTHY IN ANY SHAPE OR FORM!!! QUITE THE OPPOSITE IN FACT!!

Sick of ignorance on MN

[AlleyCatandRastaMouse]

Mrsdevere what would you say if it was the friend who posted here? Do you agree that when people have enough money to contribute to their circumstances that they should pay? Would you only articulate that view from behind a computer screen or would you say it face to face?

[WorraLiberty]

To be honest if I was your friend, I wouldn't give a shit whether you were able to sympathise or not.

Is it very important to her to have sympathy from you?

Equally, you seem to want sympathy from her and everyone here.

Do you find that important?

I think the pair of you should cut out the competitive misery, avoid the subject and just concentrate on being friends.

Life's too short for all this shit. Just get on with living it.

[pictish]

I do sympathise with you OP...like I said. You do a lot for a little right now.
There was no need to be snappy to your friend though. She she's doing the best she can with what she's got. She's doing nothing wrong and is allowed a moan herself.

[Rudechoob]

But I'm not complaining about my life!!

Again for record!!! I'm sick of benefit claimers complaining!!! End of!!