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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Like a bloody girl

135 replies

Shallowstreams · 22/04/2016 11:42

Name changed for this.

I'm on another boards' mums' forum where I'm currently being had at go at because I took offence at thread where numerous posters were talking about their husbands behaving like a girl i.e. being pathetic. An example 'he's built like a brick shithouse but is like a big girl with spiders'.

I pointed out why this isn't a good thing and have been told 'it's just a turn of phrase', 'stop being so serious', 'don't take it out of context (??), and 'just chill'

Am I going insane? This isn't okay to do is it??

OP posts:
PurpleDaisies · 22/04/2016 11:44

I pointed out why this isn't a good thing and have been told 'it's just a turn of phrase', 'stop being so serious', 'don't take it out of context (??), and 'just chill'

Depressingly this is a common response to everyday sexism. Well done for challenging it.

VestalVirgin · 22/04/2016 11:45

No it isn't okay. It is misogynist.

This is rather obvious. There's a reason why I mostly stay on the feminist forum of mumsnet ...

TiggerPiggerPoohBumWee · 22/04/2016 11:45

Many people are too stupid to look under a "turn of phrase" and see more in it.

CalleighDoodle · 22/04/2016 11:47

Yanbu

DoesAnyoneReadTheseThings · 22/04/2016 11:48

That's usually the response when sexism is challenged. Sad and upsetting. Glad you challenged it though, it may make at least some of them think.

WorraLiberty · 22/04/2016 11:49

Yanbu but you're pretty much preaching to the converted here.

You're probably best arguing your point on whatever forum the original thread is on.

CantWaitForWarmWeather · 22/04/2016 11:52

It also insinuates that men/boys should be all macho, as well as insinuating that girls/women are soft. Puts pressure on both sexes to conform to sexist stereotypes.

CigarsofthePharoahs · 22/04/2016 12:21

Yanbu.
It's misogyny, in a clear form.
I got very pissy at someone in my old job. The goods inwards door was broken and needed a hard shove or kick to open. Cue male colleague stood next to it, looking lost. I asked him what was wrong.
"I can't open the door as I kick like a girl."
I kicked that damn door open and told him that he did not kick like a girl.
I'm tired of something being done "like a girl" meaning not good enough.

Junosmum · 22/04/2016 12:40

Yanbu. So sad that people perpetuate such things.

WellErrr · 22/04/2016 12:45

YANBU.

BirthdayBetty · 22/04/2016 12:50

Yanbu, sexism and mysogyny is alive and kicking Sad

pigsDOfly · 22/04/2016 12:51

Oh yes, this one.

Remember getting quite snippy with BIL when he told my DD, then around 4 or 5 years old, that she wasn't ladylike.

As I pointed out to him, she won't get anywhere in life being 'ladylike'.

mudandmayhem01 · 22/04/2016 12:57

I am a runner and a pretty dam good one if showing off is allowed, I still occasionally hear blokes saying someone was running like a girl if they have a bad race. I always pull them up, preferably with humour ie running like a girl: Whooping your sorry ass mate.

pippistrelle · 22/04/2016 13:06

YANBU. You've made your point, and you might have sowed a seed that makes someone think about it a bit more.

wannabehippyandcrazycatlover · 22/04/2016 13:09

YANBU - I am so sick of everyday sexism and everyone thinking that it's okay!!!

It's appalling that women are perpetuating this. I had a heated disagreement with someone the other day when she decided that she was going to spout how horrible 'feminists' are and what about the men. Feminists are only on their own agenda WHAT ABOUT ALL THE MEN- WHO ARE STICKING UP FOR ALL THE MEN Hmm.

BolshierAryaStark · 22/04/2016 13:21

I got told by 'D'H that I get rather annoyed & heated when I discuss things like this, well yes mate, because it gives me the fucking rage.

Original poster
Shallowstreams · 22/04/2016 13:27

It's probably not any worse but it just seems worse when women are doing it themselves!

TBH the board is not a hot bed of modern thinking, there's a myriad of posts about how they're struggling doing all the childcare and housework and their partners do nothing and everyone piles in and says stuff like 'that's just men', 'they think differently' and my favourite 'they wouldn't be able to do it even if they tried so it's best they don't' etc etc. They completely excuse the men of any wrongdoing.

More worryingly some of them also complain about struggling to 'get money out of them' whilst on Mat leave for their baby. Again this was mostly excused as 'men always think about themselves first, it's just how they are.'

It's depressing that these women are being treated like this but also that they're perpetuating it

OP posts:
catinthecradle · 22/04/2016 13:28

Well, boys and girls are different. I have seen girls crying at work, I have never seen a man crying in the office. I have seen girls cry at sport competition, I have never seen a man cry then. I am sure the odd one does, and not all the girls do cry. However, I do tell my boys "to stop being a girl and stop crying". What's wrong with that? I even tell my girls that, they think it's funny.

PurpleDaisies · 22/04/2016 13:33

I do tell my boys "to stop being a girl and stop crying"
You are perpetuating the nonsense that boys must not show their emotions, and that girls are delicate little flowers spending their time sobbing in the corner.

You must not watch a lot of competitive sport if you haven't seen men crying.

DoesAnyoneReadTheseThings · 22/04/2016 13:41

Hahaha! You want to see men cry? Go to a football match or to the pub to watch a football match and look at the fans of the losing team, LOADS of men crying last time I went. MEN CRY AND THATS OK. GIRLS CAN RUN AND KICK AND EAT MUD AND THATS OK. BOYS CAN WEAR A PRINCESS ELSA DRESS AND THATS OK. WOMEN CAN BE THE BOSS AND THATS OK. FFS! GIRLS aren't any one thing unless it's vagina owner or something they aren't all bad at kicking or criers or princesses and BOYS aren't any one thing unless it's testicle owner or something they aren't all macho non criers or toy car lovers. PEOPLE are all different! If someone doesn't participate in family life financially or emotionally or whatever it's not because they're a MAN it's because they're a twat regardless or sex. If someone can't throw it's not because they're LIKE A GIRL it's because they're shit at throwing regardless of their sex.

BluePancakes · 22/04/2016 13:45

I grew up on the terraces of a well-known football stadium, and believe me men certainly can and do cry!

X-posted with DoesAnyone - well said!

mudandmayhem01 · 22/04/2016 13:46

My poor boy has some health problems and was really upset, I could see he was really holding back the tears. I told him its good to cry and be in touch with your emotions when you feel sad. He had a good sob and a cuddle, just imagine I told him off for crying like a girl. One of the biggest benefits of feminism for men is rethinking gender roles and allowing men to express a full range of emotions. Fuck off stiff upper lip!

wannabehippyandcrazycatlover · 22/04/2016 13:58

Catinthecradle Hmmreally?

catinthecradle · 22/04/2016 14:02

You hear that all the time at school , boys will be boys , and no-one get offended by it. Most certainly not the girls who are busy doing girly things in their corner.

I have never seen a parent reacting to it!

VestalVirgin · 22/04/2016 14:03

I even tell my girls that, they think it's funny.

So you have already taught them that they are worth less than boys and that to behave "be a girl" is bad?

Well, I for one will not be surprised if (or when ...) they come out as trans.