Like a bloody girl

[Shallowstreams]

Name changed for this.

I'm on another boards' mums' forum where I'm currently being had at go at because I took offence at thread where numerous posters were talking about their husbands behaving like a girl i.e. being pathetic. An example 'he's built like a brick shithouse but is like a big girl with spiders'.

I pointed out why this isn't a good thing and have been told 'it's just a turn of phrase', 'stop being so serious', 'don't take it out of context (??), and 'just chill'

Am I going insane? This isn't okay to do is it??

[curren]

I bet if a boy dares slapping your little girl, you will be the first one to scream against the abuse!

actually a boy put my Dd in hospital after breaking her nose at school a few years ago. I did fucking go mad and the boy was charged by the police.

Not because he was a boy and she was a girl. Because it's illegal and not on. Their gender never even came into it. No one should be assaulting another person. Regardless of gender of the people involved.

[Cerseirys]

Men and women are equal BUT women couldn't possibly compete in sport against boys because they are not so equal. I am still waiting to see a woman racing against a man

What are you on about? Nobody claimed there was no physical difference, that's an entirely different case. Men are obviously physically stronger than women but you were claiming there were emotional and intellectual differences.

A man should offer his seat to a woman?

Really? I think that's rather old-fashioned logic and not that many people think that way these days.

I bet if a boy dares slapping your little girl, you will be the first one to scream against the abuse!

Yes, and I'd feel the same if he slapped my little boy. And I've taught DS that it's wrong to hit ANYONE, regardless of their sex. And I'd do the same if he was a DD.

[Stormtreader]

Its the old "Men are assertive and showing leadership, women are bossy and nagging".

Women are allowed to cry, Men are allowed to get angry.

[LittleLionMansMummy]

Yanbu I fucking hate this. I have a 5yo ds and I am forever cringing and biting my tongue when he plays with his older boy cousins. They're not the problem, his uncle is and I might need to speak to dsis because of it. All I hear is "stop screaming/ crying/ playing like a girl!" and it makes me rage. I don't want my ds to hear casual sexism like that.

[coldcanary]

Cat if you want a woman playing against men how about Kate Cross? An England cricketer in her own right last season while playing for Heywood 1st XI she took 8 wickets in one match. Against men. I was there, oddly nobody bitched about her bowling like a girl..

[PurpleDaisies]

aptitude tests are different depending on gender? No-one is complaining against that.

Aptitude tests based on intelligence not physical strength are not different for men and women.

[VestalVirgin]

I bet if a boy dares slapping your little girl, you will be the first one to scream against the abuse!

Yes ... because unlike you, I don't excuse his behaviour with "boys will be boys".

You are the hypocrite here.

If boys behave badly it is "boys will be boys", but if girls cry then they should "stop being such girls".

I can't even.

There is a difference between crying and attacking others. I'll give you a hint: One of them harms other people.
Guess which.

[cakeycakeface]

I agree with you OP. I also dislike it when I see women being told to "man up" or "grow a pair" when they need to be assertive. For the same reasons: the implication that men are strong, capable and assertive and women are not. I've seen that quite often on MN and it makes me wince.

[HermioneWeasley]

cat. Of course there are physical differences between men and women, but there aren't inherent behavioural traits, which is what you're suggesting.

Saying that expressing emotion is shameful and something that women do is so damaging to both sexes.

You are obviously intelligent and articulate, I am stunned that you can't see that.

[RiverTam]

I am so not a sentimental person who cries at Dogger or whatever but that video! Oh my God. we have to teach our children this, not just the girls, all children. Those young girls. They were so strong, so confident. I'm a bit lost for what I want to say.

cat I can see that you work in an environment where people have to be 'strong' to seal the deal. But just because you don't see the men crying at work (nor do you see girls crying at work, you see women crying at work. You work with men and women, right? Not boys or girls?) doesn't mean they aren't crying somewhere else, doesn't mean they are coping, doesn't mean that they're not off having heart attacks and breakdowns in the 40s, that they have happy marriages with women they can show their emotions to. They've been conditioned since day one by parents like you not to show their emotions, not to be weak, not to be themselves. Because they have a penis. And maybe the workplace might be better all round if more people 'cried like a girl', let off steam, showed that someone else is being hateful and unkind.

[WellErrr]

You hear that all the time at school , boys will be boys , and no-one get offended by it. Most certainly not the girls who are busy doing girly things in their corner.

You lost me with the girls all in their 'corner.'

[WellErrr]

....not that you had me with any of the preceding shite.

[funniestWins]

cat

You aren't welcome here with an opinion that goes against the status quo of AIBU. The fact that men and women are different simply isn't believed by many here. They're different emotionally, physically and while not intellectually, their brains do tend to function in different ways.

to fit in better Cat, you should simply nod along, suggest that everything is "a safeguarding issue", blame the Tories, agree that each special snowflake-offspring has been hard done by by their school and, of course, take offence at every day sayings.

I suggest you grow a pair before posting here

[Cerseirys]

I'd suggest reading Delusions of Gender by Cordelia Fine PP, if you think men and women are somehow "hard wired" differently. Also Natasha Walter's book, though the title escapes me. But I'm guessing you won't and you'll just continue to spout some pop psychology like men being from Mars and women from Venus.

[PerspicaciaTick]

WTF are girls in school doing girly stuff in a corner? Why aren't they doing learning using the whole classroom and all the resources.

Having said that, as a recent assembly of y2 children at my DC's school, the children stood up one at a time and said what they wanted to be. The boys mostly wanted to be footballers, firemen and policemen. The girls all wanted to be singers, teachers and fashion designers. Except one little girl who wants to be a clown - she rocks.

[BigChocFrenzy]

There are significant biological differences between men & women which cannot be changed and which produce different physical capabilities.

However, there is NO inherent "girl brain" / "boy brain" divide:
if you treat your DS and your DD so differently all their lives, then you have socialised them to behave differently

[LastGirlOnTheLeft]

How thick would one have to be to think it is in anyway acceptable to use the term girl as an insult?

[curren]

I don't like boys will be boys either. It's bollocks too.

Boys are individuals. They don't have one mind that they all share. No kids should be put in a box and told that's what you should be, because of your gender.

I would love to see absolute proof that men are hard wired different. I genuinely would. Every single person on this planet is different. I would love to see proof that males as a group are all different to women and hard wired differently.

[LikeDylanInTheMovies]

pointed out why this isn't a good thing and have been told 'it's just a turn of phrase', 'stop being so serious'

Did anyone invoke the "children are dying in Africa and you are worrying about this?" fallacy. As it is clearly impossible for you to think about more than one thing in your delicate ladylike head.

[Lanark2]

Just out of interest, I have been wondering about my workplace. There seems to be an idea that women are better at being contact centre staff, and I can't work out if this is from the 'women are better at chatting on the phone' or 'service jobs are more 'female" or 'low paid jobs are for women' or 'comfortable low paid jobs are good for women because they prefer those kind of low paid jobs' bias, or whether it's just from experience.

Men in the organisation tend to hold managerial roles, legal roles, public office roles, but then so do women, and two of the five directors are women, so overall the organisation is pretty equal, but at entry level, its very 'women are better at this'.

Comments are made to men in those roles like 'it must be depressing for you doing this work at your age' and yet women of all ages do this work without comment, so is the 'women are better at this' more part of a defence/justification?

[Lanark2]

Perspicacia.. Haha liked the clown example, a friend of mine ran away to join the circus and is a clown, acrobat and artist. I am very jealous!

[Mrsbadger77]

I recently heard someone say this type of thing on telly recently but for the life of me can't remember what it was. I remember turning to DH and saying "surely he can't get away with saying that these days?"