Like a bloody girl

[Shallowstreams]

Name changed for this.

I'm on another boards' mums' forum where I'm currently being had at go at because I took offence at thread where numerous posters were talking about their husbands behaving like a girl i.e. being pathetic. An example 'he's built like a brick shithouse but is like a big girl with spiders'.

I pointed out why this isn't a good thing and have been told 'it's just a turn of phrase', 'stop being so serious', 'don't take it out of context (??), and 'just chill'

Am I going insane? This isn't okay to do is it??

No one gives a shiny shite about this stuff in the real world. You know, the world where mortgages need paying, people get sick and die and generally far more important things happen?

Women's ability to pay their mortgage depends on people thinking they are equal in intellect and temperament to men. Lazy sexism like this affects all our chances of getting on in our chosen careers.

Reality I'm sorry but that's a crap argument. Nothing's worth bothering about then because there will always be something more serious?

cat it IS your fault that boys are different to girls because you are teaching boys not to cry and teaching girls it is okay cry. You are MAKING them different by setting different expectations on them!

I have seen girls crying at work, I have never seen a man crying in the office. I have seen girls cry at sport competition, I have never seen a man cry then.

never seen Roger Federer at Wimbledon then?

YANBU OP. The name of this other forum wouldn't rhyme with "wet ones" by any chance, would it?

This times 1000:

You want to see men cry? Go to a football match or to the pub to watch a football match and look at the fans of the losing team, LOADS of men crying last time I went. MEN CRY AND THATS OK. GIRLS CAN RUN AND KICK AND EAT MUD AND THATS OK. BOYS CAN WEAR A PRINCESS ELSA DRESS AND THATS OK. WOMEN CAN BE THE BOSS AND THATS OK. FFS! GIRLS aren't any one thing unless it's vagina owner or something they aren't all bad at kicking or criers or princesses and BOYS aren't any one thing unless it's testicle owner or something they aren't all macho non criers or toy car lovers. PEOPLE are all different! If someone doesn't participate in family life financially or emotionally or whatever it's not because they're a MAN it's because they're a twat regardless or sex. If someone can't throw it's not because they're LIKE A GIRL it's because they're shit at throwing regardless of their sex.

Cats - I have had male colleagues cry at work, definitely had male friends cry. Some of them are very "macho" guys but sometimes life is bloody hard. Your attitude really is about 50 years out of date and you might want to open your eyes a bit. See how the Bayern players (in green) react after they in 1999 for example. They practically have to be peeled off the pitch in tears.

This is what "don't cry like a girl" leads to for women in science...
www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/home-news/women-scientists-distract-men-fall-in-love-with-them-and-cry-when-criticised-says-nobel-prize-winner-10309125.html

There was a girl at DD's gymnastics last night wearing a t-shirt that said, "I run like a girl, try to keep up".

I called out a party entertainer recently for saying to a frightened boy "oh and I thought all the girls were sitting over there"

He took it well, got the point and promised to avoid such derogatory use of the word 'girl' in the future.

Ideally, everyone would be professional and not burst into tears!

I would be doing no favour at all to my kids if I was not recognising the difference!

... how do those two sentences fit together?

Either you believe that women have changing hormone levels and might cry for no particularly good reason because of PMS ... and respect them despite it - which you clearly do not.

Or you believe they do it because they are not professional, in which case your "recognising the difference" doesn't do the girls any favour, because it will just lead to you hating them for being girls.

Besides, it does NOT MATTER whether boys are naturally more prone to being violent bullies, because such behaviour is inacceptable, and if they cannot get it under control, well, too bad, then they have to be locked up in prisons.
"Boys will be boys" is therefore a nonsensical statement if it is not followed by acting (separating them from civilised society).

The key work there is seem. Not everyone is confident in challenging everyday sexism.

Very true. And it doesn't mean they're not cringing inside. I'm more likely to challenge someone I know better, less likely to challenge a casual acquaintance because they're easier to shrug off/dismiss/make a mental note not to get to know them better.

Just trying to imagine if we did the opposite, like think about boys underachieving at school, and started telling our kids "you spell like a boy" or "you do maths like a boy" when they do badly on tests.

Reckon anyone would have a problem with that?!

where does the idea that it is unprofessional to cry come from?

Common sense?

a t-shirt that said, "I run like a girl, try to keep up
I happen to have one of those... Just because I don't believe for a second in total gender equality, I happen to believe that women can achieve everything. It would be a lot more productive to acknowledge the differences and work with, instead of pretending they are not there.

Right, so what are these differences then cat?

It would be a lot more productive to acknowledge the differences and work with, instead of pretending they are not there.
I bet your one of those who thinks boys are better at maths and girls should be in caring, nurturing jobs.

You're not your-phone auto corrected.

Just trying to imagine if we did the opposite, like think about boys underachieving at school, and started telling our kids "you spell like a boy" or "you do maths like a boy" when they do badly on tests.

^^ this. 'Like a boy' is just not derogatory in the same way as 'like a girl'.

Just trying to imagine if we did the opposite, like think about boys underachieving at school, and started telling our kids "you spell like a boy" or "you do maths like a boy" when they do badly on tests.

^^ this. 'Like a boy' is just not derogatory in the same way as 'like a girl'.

What differences cat?
You are going to have to be explicit so I can pick each point apart

Well, boys and girls are different. I have seen girls crying at work, I have never seen a man crying in the office. I have seen girls cry at sport competition, I have never seen a man cry then. I am sure the odd one does, and not all the girls do cry. However, I do tell my boys "to stop being a girl and stop crying". What's wrong with that? I even tell my girls that, they think it's funny.

Fucking shocking parenting right there. Teach them being a girl is shit some how. Don't be surprised when they treat women like rubbish if you've taught them to think that way.

OP ask them to replace "like a girl" with "like a black kid" Or "like a gay" see if it's just a phrase then

ahhh common sense...that old sexist, racist, homophobic chestnut.

It only just stopped being common sense that women shouldn't attempt maths in case their brains over heated. It only just stopped being common sense that white people new better how to govern a country than the non-white people who lived there. It only just stopped being common sense that homosexuality is a perversion against nature.

Oh and I am sure you have seen a man blow up at the office. They do show emotion you see, but because they aren't allowed to cry they blow up in anger

OP you reminded me of this video -

Sweary that's very true - and I wonder if fewer women blow up in anger at the office because it isn't very 'ladylike'?

I love that one Greys. I get a bit teary when the young girl comes on and just does her stuff!

Just trying to imagine if we did the opposite, like think about boys underachieving at school, and started telling our kids "you spell like a boy" or "you do maths like a boy" when they do badly on tests.Reckon anyone would have a problem with that?!

I'm tempted to try and find out.

It would be a lot more productive to acknowledge the differences and work with

... just like you work with the women who cry in office? By accusing them of being unprofessional?
Yeah, that is soooo productive.