Like a bloody girl

[Shallowstreams]

Name changed for this.

I'm on another boards' mums' forum where I'm currently being had at go at because I took offence at thread where numerous posters were talking about their husbands behaving like a girl i.e. being pathetic. An example 'he's built like a brick shithouse but is like a big girl with spiders'.

I pointed out why this isn't a good thing and have been told 'it's just a turn of phrase', 'stop being so serious', 'don't take it out of context (??), and 'just chill'

Am I going insane? This isn't okay to do is it??

[PurpleDaisies]

Most certainly not the girls who are busy doing girly things in their corner.
What do you define as girly things then?

[toohardtothinkofaname]

catinthecradle never mind a , have a 🖕🏻

Men/boys cry & im constantly checking myself for what I say to my son to make sure he grows up to respect women & not think/say tosh like this

[Stormtreader]

Please tell me youre joking that you think "boys will be boys" is a valid excuse for anything.

"Boys will be boys" and "girls should try and be nice" are the pair of phrases that lead to girls being blamed for being bullied or sexually harassed.

[SekhmetLioness]

I have seen girls crying at work, I have never seen a man crying in the office.

How about the boys? Or the women?

[SweetieDrops]

GIRLS aren't any one thing unless it's vagina owner... and BOYS aren't any one thing unless it's testicle owner

Careful there or we'll have the trans activists here to say that isn't true.

[CaptainWarbeck]

catinthecradle, my first , just for you.

There's a new Australian government ad campaign out at the moment, I'll see if I can find the link. Its message is that at the root of domestic violence perpetuated by men is a lack of respect for women, and that this attitude starts early on with comments like 'don't throw like a girl'. It's good.

[DoesAnyoneReadTheseThings]

I'm offended by 'boys will be boys'. Maybe they just don't say they're offended because people tell them to stop being silly girls offended by everything or tell them real men aren't offended by things like that


Also echo what SekhmetLioness just posted.

[DropYourSword]

I have never seen a man crying in the office. I have seen girls cry at sport competition, I have never seen a man cry then.

I watch NRL (Australian Rugby League). These are BIG, TOUGH guys. They cry too. I think it's healthy for them to show that.

[DoesAnyoneReadTheseThings]

Sweetie

[DropYourSword]

I was looking for a link for that too CaptainWarbeck!

[CaptainWarbeck]

. Words are powerful. OP you were totally right to call them on careless use of language like that.

[catinthecradle]

Sorry, I should have said that I work in an office, I don't work in casualties. Ideally, everyone would be professional and not burst into tears! To clarify, I have seen some female do just that, whilst I have never seen any male crying at work. Again, I work in the city, we don't deal with anything traumatic.

It's not my fault if boys and girls are different, and if the majority (I know there is the odd one !) have different interests and act differently. I would be doing no favour at all to my kids if I was not recognising the difference!

Parents from our local schools seem to think exactly the same, so I know I am not an alien.

[PurpleDaisies]

Parents from our local schools seem to think exactly the same, so I know I am not an alien.
The key work there is seem. Not everyone is confident in challenging everyday sexism.

[BadDoGooder]

I hate the phrase "boys will be boys"!
It's teaching them that by virtue of having a penis they can get away with certain behaviour ffs.

cat you are actively teaching your girls that they are worth less than than boys.
I am a woman (not a girl btw) and I hardly ever cry, by contrast my male DP cries at the drop of a hat.

[CaptainWarbeck]

Men and women can behave differently because the culture they grow up in has taught them that some things will be acceptable for one gender and vice versa.

You are teaching them these ideas by saying things like 'boys don't cry'.

Boys who learn that it is okay to cry and show emotion certainly do cry as adult men and are much healthier for it.

[GreatFuckability]

i'm guilty of using this phrase, i have to admit. and when i do it, i annoy myself, because I hate sexism, it just seems to be a phrase embedded pretty deeply in me.
YANBU and if i used it, i'm glad someone like you would pull me up on it because it isn't ok.

[BolshierAryaStark]

I'm pretty good at throwing, running, kicking, boxing & fuck me I can actually drive & park a car really well, I don't cry much either-this has nothing to with my gender & to teach your children otherwise is just ridiculous wanky behaviour.

[BadDoGooder]

cat boys and girls are not different, except in the genital area!
People are different, I don't recognise any of the stereotypes in your assumptions, round my way the women are tougher than the men.

Genuine question, do you think it's ok for girls to grow up assuming they have to be all emotional and can never be strong and tough? And that men can get away with things because they are men?
So it's ok that men are the majority rapists and violators, becuase "boys will be boys"?
Do you not see that rape culture, and bad treatment of women stems directly from the attitude that men and women are different, and should be treated as such?
I want my DS growing up to leadn that he can cry anytime he likes, that it's ok and healthy to show emotion, and that he doesn't get a free pass because he has a penis.

[RealityCheque]

YABU. It's another MN thing.

No one gives a shiny shite about this stuff in the real world. You know, the world where mortgages need paying, people get sick and die and generally far more important things happen?

[coldcanary]

I play a particular sport that is trying to encourage girls/women to start and things like this don't help at all.
'Throwing like a girl' is a saying that has actually been banned by all of the coaches during training sessions - what message does it give a young girl who is trying her best, or us older ones who are training for our matches? It automatically puts us second best to the male players and denigrates all the effort we make.

[DoesAnyoneReadTheseThings]

That video is so right. Everywhere should show similar things.

[IceBeing]

cat where does the idea that it is unprofessional to cry come from?

Is it from men? Trained from boyhood by people like you to think crying isn't the way a man should behave? Denied access to a perfectly reasonable and useful emotional outlet?

Crying is a great way to reduce your stress levels rapidly and move on. Why the hell shouldn't you cry at work? What harm does it do to anyone else?

Feminism hasn't achieved its aims when women can succeed by pretending to be male. By valuing the same things men traditionally value. Feminism will have achieved (some) of its aims when men feel they can cry at work too.

[BadDoGooder]

Bolshier put it much more succinctly than me!