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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think the wedding industry really is BS

110 replies

paintandbrush · 21/04/2016 21:28

Personally, my ideal wedding would involve me with a bunch of roses (in my fav navy blue Primark summer dress) getting quietly hitched in the church half a mile from my home, then everybody back to mine (or possibly the pub down the road) for a knees-up with fish suppers all round, plenty of free booze and someone with a guitar. Maybe a bonfire too Wink .

If there are too many people to fit in the kitchen-diner, that's too many. Close family plus maybe 5 people I actually talk to. No overpriced car, unwanted presents, battalion of bridesmaids etc.

Obviously this will never ever happen due to a a little thing known as 'social norms'. Wish it could though. Anyone else think it's all turned into a complete rat race, where you have to spend 15k to keep up with the Joneses?

Stop the madness!

OP posts:
RaeSkywalker · 21/04/2016 21:34

Have what you want, it's your day (and it sounds really fun) Smile

Eminybob · 21/04/2016 21:35

Yeah but it really doesn't have to be.

DP and I are getting married next month.
Just the 2 of us, plus DS and a couple of witnesses. In the registry office then a pub lunch.
It's going to down a shitstorm when we tell everyone after our "honeymoon" (family holiday that was booked before we even decided to get married) but hey, it's what we wanted.

The thought of spending all that money and having all the shit that I've read about on the wedding threads on here, and seen with family and friends, just brings me out in a a cold sweat.

Fuck social norms.

GlowWine · 21/04/2016 21:35

Really?? Of course you can. Plenty of us have done it. Maybe not in your kitchen but my wedding reception was held in my kitchen... And the dress came from Debenhams Smile

TormundGiantsbabe · 21/04/2016 21:36

Just do what you want. Dh and I just got married with the minimum two or four weeks notice (can't even remember). Told our mothers as we needed witnesses, and they insisted on doing something to mark the occasion so we agreed as long as they did the work - my nan bought me a nice dress (but not a "wedding" dress), my mum organised some flowers for a bouquet and buttonholes and MIL paid for a meal in a restaurant afterwards.

BIL is getting married next year and its making me glad we did it our way - we've already had an 8 foot long email from future sil detailing all her plans. I'm enjoying her mild Bridezilla-ness so far.

EdithWeston · 21/04/2016 21:39

I went to a wedding recently that was a church do, then village pub, spilling out into field behind village pub. A lovely day.

Have what you want, and it'll be memorable in a good way.

VestalVirgin · 21/04/2016 21:47

Obviously this will never ever happen due to a a little thing known as 'social norms'.

Unless you mean the social norms that mean that there is no one you could marry, it totally can happen.

Social norms aren't laws. In fact, you can and should break social norms from time to time to prevent them from becoming laws.

hobybabo · 21/04/2016 21:50

Well the fact that you think you "can't" due to these social norms is part of the problem. I'm fully aware that social norms exist, but that doesn't mean I live my life by them when they directly contradict my own wants, for something like my own wedding!

I don't see a single reason why you can't do your wedding that way. We got married in a pub garden, with exactly who we wanted there. No formal table plan, no "wedding party" - bridesmaids etc. Anyone who we thought might be bothered by us not doing it "properly" didn't get invited. And everyone enjoyed it, including us most of all!

hobybabo · 21/04/2016 21:50

Sorry, far too many quotation marks there.

StarkyTheDirewolf · 21/04/2016 21:52

Sounds lovely op! I had 35 people in a big gazebo with a posh bbq in my parents back garden! Dress was second hand beyond perfect and put there for me from a charity shop, flowers were lovely. We messed about with the little details to make it personal and perfect for us, but invite cost a tenner from country baskets etc. Was my best day ever, everyone seemed to really enjoy themselves and we still almost a year later all talk about how much fun it was!

Like Rae said, have what you want and enjoy it!

Pisssssedofff · 21/04/2016 21:54

I hated my wedding day, dreamt about it for 20 years and on the day was stressed and unhappy. Your way sounds fab

Osolea · 21/04/2016 21:55

Your wedding can be whatever you want it to be. The wedding industry can be a bit crazy, but no more crazy than people thinking they have to have a wedding they dint want and spend a fortune just fir the sake of keeping up with the joneses.

ThursdayLastWeek · 21/04/2016 21:59

Why can't you do that?

I think most 'social norms' around weddings come from the fact that parents used to pay for them so there was an element of showing off wasn't there?

You pay. You choose. The wedding inspdutry can't actually make you buy anything you don't want!

Alasalas2 · 21/04/2016 22:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CharlieSierra · 21/04/2016 22:03

Surely everyone is entitled to choose whatever type of wedding they want? Your wedding, your decisions. Not everyone who chooses a bigger or more traditional wedding gives a shit about 'the Jones's' though, they can do what they like too, hopefully without fear of judgement.

pearlylum · 21/04/2016 22:08

I will be getting married in the next year or two.

It will be on a very special island in the Med that doesn't get many visitors, just OH and I, then a meal for two afterwards at a local seafood hut. Perfect.

arethereanyleftatall · 21/04/2016 22:11

Your op describes pretty much my wedding day. I honestly do t think anyone had a 'worse' time at my wedding, than if my serviettes had matched my flowers.

eastwest · 21/04/2016 22:13

"Obviously this will never ever happen due to a a little thing known as 'social norms'." - i honestly, genuinely don't understand this. It's your wedding, no-one else's. We had exactly the wedding we wanted, quite simple, and it was no problem at all. Why follow norms if you don't agree with them? Create some new 'norms'! Who are you trying to please?

pearlylum · 21/04/2016 22:13

OP just do it. It's your day.

PPie10 · 21/04/2016 22:14

Not everyone who chooses a bigger or more traditional wedding gives a shit about 'the Jones's' though, they can do what they like too, hopefully without fear of judgement.

I had a big, expensive, posh and traditional wedding. There was no keeping up with joneses or whoever, it was what we wanted and it was our perfect day. And I had over 300 people, without any of the drama you read about on here.
Have the day you want, don't compare to others and judge. It's not about anyone else except the both of you .

Original poster
paintandbrush · 22/04/2016 08:22

The reason I say this wouldn't happen is bc my parents would insist on 'doing it properly' in a hotel like they did, ie. guest list of 200 complete with every second cousin in the country.

OP posts:
BoboChic · 22/04/2016 08:27

It's your choice whether or not to be a consumer of the overpriced corporate wedding market. There are plenty of more tasteful, more sincere, more creative options.

scrumptiouscrumpets · 22/04/2016 08:32

My sister had a wedding similar to the one you describe and it wasn't only a great day, but also memorable - all the huge, fancy weddings I've been to kind of blur together in my memory and I can hardly remember who got married where and how.
Your idea of a wedding sounds fantastic, go for it!

acquiescence · 22/04/2016 08:36

Each to their own- you can do whatever you want!

We had a 120 guest £20k wedding. It was not remotely 'corporate' - my dress was second hand as were the bridesmaid dresses, lots of homemade bits and pieces. We spend a lot on a big venue where lots of our close friends and family could stay for a weekend away. It was amazing, there was no one there who I didn't want and I was so so happy to share the day with such good friends and family. There were no expectations from anyone (apart from my mum who was disappointed in no church wedding) and it was exactly what we wanted. Strange to assume that people who have big weddings just do it 'to keep up with the joneses' Hmm

curren · 22/04/2016 08:36

I was a wedding coordinator when I got married. Had a small wedding with our reception in a local restaurant because we knew to owners.

The industry is BS, but you don't have to partake in it. If you do that's your decision

MoonriseKingdom · 22/04/2016 08:40

It's not really the fault of the wedding industry if you can't say no to your parents. Lots of people get married the way they want. One of the loveliest weddings I have been to was my auntie's. She had the ceremony at the registry office. She wore a lovely outfit that was in her style (not white). She and her friends had catered a big buffet in a little venue in a park. Small number friends and close family. Plenty of alcohol, several different types of cake (not traditional wedding cake). Was a very happy day.

Honestly do things the way you want. I wore a mint green dress, had no bridesmaids, no wedding cars and gave a speech. It really was one of the best days of my life (from a woman who never thought she would get married because she didn't 'get' weddings).

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