to think the wedding industry really is BS

[paintandbrush]

Personally, my ideal wedding would involve me with a bunch of roses (in my fav navy blue Primark summer dress) getting quietly hitched in the church half a mile from my home, then everybody back to mine (or possibly the pub down the road) for a knees-up with fish suppers all round, plenty of free booze and someone with a guitar. Maybe a bonfire too .

If there are too many people to fit in the kitchen-diner, that's too many. Close family plus maybe 5 people I actually talk to. No overpriced car, unwanted presents, battalion of bridesmaids etc.

Obviously this will never ever happen due to a a little thing known as 'social norms'. Wish it could though. Anyone else think it's all turned into a complete rat race, where you have to spend 15k to keep up with the Joneses?

Stop the madness!

OP I love the sound of your ideal wedding. We got hitched 10 years ago before social media made everything bonkers.

If we did it now id do something like you suggest.

Do it.

I am familiar with the pressure to conform to the standard wedding formula in Ireland, so I do sympathise OP. In fact DH and I eloped to avoid the whole circus and I think I was born without the wedding gene. We thought is was better to offend everyone rather than trying to keep it small and risk the serious offence of leaving half the village and hundreds of relatives people out.

I would urge you not to bow to pressure from family and have the day you and your DP want. I have friends in Ireland who have major regrets about this. I know one friend almost had a nervous breakdown trying to keep everyone happy and didn't actually enjoy the day herself and another couple who borrowed against their home to fund it and ended in negative equity.

Whatever wedding you have the aim and outcome is the same. A big white wedding does not make a better or stronger marriage any more than a smaller low key one.

It's not about the wedding - it's about the marriage.

When DP and I got married, we went to the Registry Office with 4 other people, and then for a lunch. We just wore our best clothes. Probably spent no more than £300. Not because we couldn't afford a bigger do, but because we only wanted a small scale affair. We also had a party in our house a week later, where we told people that we had got married the week before. The party was just an ordinary house party. We both enjoyed it. I could not contemplate spending thousands of pounds on one day.

We are so super laid-back , alternative and fabulous; I wore a bedsheet and a crown of dandelions, and our guests sat in a field of cow-pats eating squashed marmite sandwiches Yes that's the MN societal norm.

I had a big traditional Scottish farmers' wedding and enjoyed every minute. There was no bridezillaing because we all did the same thing. Every wedding was pronounced 'Great' That was in the 80's and I wore the full meringue. Happy days!

Do it your way! Ours was not conventional, we didn't care. We had our perfect day and our guests all enjoyed it too, although we know there was some grumbling beforehand.

Some of those alternative, middle of a field weddings can be more expensive than the traditional ones! There's a 'venue' round here that's just a bloody field next to a posh house. They apparently offer 'vintage' weddings for brides who want an alternative to all those souless venues. When I asked for a price list they wanted almost £3k for hire of field for the weekend, and that was before paying for the bloody teepee and portaloos.

So don't feel that having your wedding a certain way makes you better or whatever. Go with your own style and ignore all the nonsense. It's all about clever marketing.

The traditional white wedding is just a confection dreamed up by advertisers and the Victorians. It's all BS.

OP - just put this podcast on when your parents are over next..

A Brief History of the 'White Wedding' from Stuff You Missed in History Class - stitcher.com/s?eid=43951870

Thanks for that Amibambini!
I've actually heard before that Victoria only chose white because a. it was the most expensive and b. it exhibited the Honiton lace to best effect.

The dress that launched a thousand bridal boutiques, I suppose.

I can just imagine, a parlour 10 ten years after Queen Victoria's wedding, Augustina excitedly laying out the plans to her family. The stupendous white lace dress!! The five tiered cake! The horse drawn carriage and 7 bridesmaids! Father is drinking whisky and wondering if this blasted wedding is going to put them all in the workhouse. Grandma side-eyes them all and asks 'Why can't we just have a nice party here, and you can wear that amazing yellow organza number that we just got made for you for your 18th. That's what we did, everyone had a great time!!'

"Oh Grannie NO you old bat! That's not how one does it! Everyone knows that one must have a white dress and all the virginial trimmings!! What would people SAY!!"

Grannie rolls her eyes and grumbles to herself, honestly.. Fucking teenagers.