Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Paying for days out with others

124 replies

fluffymummykins · 01/04/2016 15:26

My step-child has been with us the past few days during the day, even though it is their Mum's day. Their Mum asked if we could have them on Tuesday while she went to work because she had no childcare. We agreed to have my step-child, but I had already booked tickets for a family day out for me and my other children. We asked if my step-child's Mum wanted us to have them on Wednesday as well, assuming she had no childcare then either,to which she said yes. Again, we had prebooked tickets for a family day out. I had to then change both bookings so my step-child could come.

AIBU to expect my step-child's Mum to pay, or at least offer towards the tickets? Seeing as it was her childcare that had fallen through?

OP posts:
whois · 01/04/2016 15:29

Um, yes. The child is part of your family and sjrely it's nicer to have all children together than for your step daughter to be in child care?

Ratbagcatbag · 01/04/2016 15:31

Yabu. This child is part of your family, you just pay for it.

Ratbagcatbag · 01/04/2016 15:31

"It" being te activities, not the child Blush that read rubbish sorry.

NeedACleverNN · 01/04/2016 15:33

I get your reasoning but you have to stop the my child and not my child mentality.

This is your step child which means when she is under your care you treat her like family.

You have plans? You include this could

gamerchick · 01/04/2016 15:34

No you really can't expect her to pay. This child is a part of the family.

Really in your shoes I would have invited the bairn along anyway our day or not.

Griphook · 01/04/2016 15:35

Why can't dp give you the money if you so tight.

Lemonblast · 01/04/2016 15:37

This step child of yours?
Are they by any chance your partners child?

Littleallovertheshop · 01/04/2016 15:38

Wow

ProjectPerfect · 01/04/2016 15:38

Of course you're being unreasonable.

What a horrid attitude Confused

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 01/04/2016 15:38

Couldn't your DP pay for his child.

hellhasnofurylikeahungrywoman · 01/04/2016 15:39

This is a member of your family, I would pay and not ask for any contribution. If the mum offers all well and good but if not, well it's just part of having step children. To me, my step child's inclusion in my family would be more important than the cash.

TheWitTank · 01/04/2016 15:40

YABU. Why can't your DP pay for his own child?!

witsender · 01/04/2016 15:42

You're not 'others'. You're her family, she is your husband's child. How odd.

WitchyPoos · 01/04/2016 15:44

It's your husbands son? It's still his child. Why can't you just pay?

If the boot was on the other foot, hypothetically, and your child was going for a day out with their step family, and you got asked to pay, how would you feel about that?

as a preteen and teen, I had nothing from my dad and his wife while my dads wife's child had everything from them both. Days out, holidays the lot. The stepsister wasn't my dads kid. I got left out a lot. From the child's point of view it really hurts. Just include the child and pay for them ffs!!

cjt110 · 01/04/2016 15:44

Do you expect them to provide their own food too?! YABU. She is a child who is part of your family. Stop being so precious

WitchyPoos · 01/04/2016 15:45

Meant to say child not son, bit assuming of me lol but you get the drift

TheSolitaryWanderer · 01/04/2016 15:45

Are you usually this cold about a member of your family?
And yes, get your partner to pay for his child.

70isaLimitNotaTarget · 01/04/2016 15:46

Does the Mum take yours&DH children out?
Even if it isn't a paid for event?
Does she include her DD half siblings in her plans?

Works both ways.

The Mum asked a favour, to cover her lack of childcare.
The OP had prebooked tickets.
It wasn't a case of "Lets book something and make her pay"

lanbro · 01/04/2016 15:49

I would just pay for my nephew or close friend's dc never mind my own stepchildren, what a horrible attitude. YABVU

Greyponcho · 01/04/2016 15:50

Shame you hadn't offered to invite stepchild along in the first place... Hmm

Original poster
fluffymummykins · 01/04/2016 15:50

In my defence:

  • The Mum would rather put the child in with childcare than with their Dad because she doesn't like the child spending more time with the Dad than her.
  • I had already booked tickets for me and my children, not my step-child because it wasn't her day to be with us. When I have booked stuff on her days before, she's gone mad at us.
  • It's the end of the month, and with 2 other children to take, having to pay full adult prices for my step-child is a lot for me.
OP posts:
TheSolitaryWanderer · 01/04/2016 15:51

It should work both ways 70, but so often the children in a split get used as gaming counters with no thought of their feelings. So, if the child's mother is a cold-hearted cash-counter, the OP should be too?
Where does that leave the pawns?

TheSolitaryWanderer · 01/04/2016 15:52

Her father should be thinking of her needs and paying.

SouthWestmom · 01/04/2016 15:52

How does it work both ways?

The mum takes her daughter out.

The dad / step mum take step mums dd and their dd and dad's dd out.

All children are taken out by a parent.

Original poster
fluffymummykins · 01/04/2016 15:52

The Mum never includes my children in her plans. My children are nothing to her (her words). :-(

OP posts:
Swipe left for the next trending thread