Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think DH is being way over-cautious

148 replies

HelsBels3000 · 29/01/2016 17:29

My eldest DD (7) had a friend round for tea, all fine, had a good time and ate and played together nicely. I had previously arranged with friend's Mum that I would bring her DD home afterwards. DH suddenly announces during the day that he was going out with friends for drinks that evening - and pretty much driving past friend's house on his route. I thought nothing of it and asked that he would drop friend off on his way past - on his way out. Journey is approx 15mins each way.
DH arrives home and is told of this plan, refuses and says he will have to take friend home AND our DD in the car with him and then return home again to drop off DD, and go again - as he will not be alone in the car with someone else's daughter. I think he is being ridiculous. He thinks he is being cautious. What are your thoughts?

OP posts:
Twowrongsdontmakearight · 29/01/2016 17:33

In our house DD would go along to her friends house for drop off too so it looks like we're with your DH on this. It's very sad isn't it?

Headmelt · 29/01/2016 17:36

I agree with your Dh too.

Friendofsadgirl · 29/01/2016 17:37

Do you know, it wouldn't ever occur to me that DD would need to go along if DH was dropping off her friends! DD has friends here to play when I'm at work so he's in sole charge then anyway.

Gatehouse77 · 29/01/2016 17:37

It wouldn't even cross mine or DH's mind - in either scenario; dropping off friends or being dropped off. And have done both. When DH and I were separated the kids still had friends for sleepovers at his house too.

Chottie · 29/01/2016 17:39

I agree with your DH on this one too.

allegretto · 29/01/2016 17:41

I think he is being ridiculous. My Dd gets lifts from friends' dads and dh takes them too.

LaurieFairyCake · 29/01/2016 17:41

Yes, I take dd with me when I drop her friends off. It's good practise and is to protect adults.

figureofspeech · 29/01/2016 17:48

I am with your dh with this one, it's more for his protection than for the other girl. It's just the way it is nowadays and I'd insist on it more if the girl was a teenager.

Original poster
HelsBels3000 · 29/01/2016 17:52

Its a really sad reflection of the world we live in. He said he wouldn't mind looking after them both or taking both in the car, but not on his own with DD's friend. The scenario he's protecting against would never even have crossed my mind.

OP posts:
GreenPetal94 · 29/01/2016 17:54

Would not have occurred to me. But I do have two boys. I think it sounds very over cautious.

TattyDevine · 29/01/2016 17:54

Is he a teacher? This is what teachers do - always have a chaperone (well nearly always, wherever possible)

It may be over cautious, but it is his choice and his inconvenience.

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 29/01/2016 17:55

I agree with him and would have taken dd too.

Namechangenell · 29/01/2016 17:55

Oh gosh, what a sad old world we live in. I can totally see your DH's point though. Going back 20 years I used to babysit loads and the dads would always drive me home. Never a problem and never the anticipation of a problem. But these days? Maybe he's right, and perhaps sensible to realise that he doesn't want to make himself vulnerable. Seriously though, what is the world coming to if this is how we now have to think?

LaurieFairyCake · 29/01/2016 17:56

I don't think it's a sad reflection. In fact paying attention to it is a good thing as it shows we're more aware of protecting children and protecting ourselves from allegations.

No ones more or less likely to abuse now than before. The difference now is that we take steps as responsible adults to secure children's safety.

Many children are abused in cars Sad. I learned this in training to be a foster carer so good practise for me is to travel with children always in the back.

shutupandshop · 29/01/2016 17:56

I agree with dh, always do that.

musicposy · 29/01/2016 17:57

DD always goes along with DH, even now as a teen. Partly because I think it's less awkward for the other child to have to chat to someone else's Dad for 15 excruciating minutes, though!
I think I'm with your DH, sorry, it seems to be the norm and protects him too.

BlueJug · 29/01/2016 17:57

I always used to take my own child along for the ride - but just for fun. Now with the way things are - I would think twice of being alone in the car with a child that was not mine - and would not allow my DP to be.

There was a very disturbing thread on here over Christmas in which a DP was accused of something inappropriate by a teen. In a house full of people. There was no evidence - his word against her word but many people were suggesting involving SS and the police. Not making judgements about that thread but it just shows how if something is suspected you absolutely need to be covered. The doubt will tear a family apart. Not worth a risk. All it take is for an over anxious parent to misinterpret something her DD says - and you are in trouble.

Goingtobeawesome · 29/01/2016 17:58

Funnily enough I had already decided that when DH takes home our DD's friend that he takes DD with him. Better for everyone. DH is quite safe but the friend might not want to be on her own with someone she doesn't know. Awkward silences aren't fun. As it is, I'd forgotten the friend is being picked up by her own father but if not the above would apply.

HelpfulChap · 29/01/2016 17:59

100% with your DH

firesidechat · 29/01/2016 18:01

Sad as it is I sort of agree with him too and I hate having to type that.

My husband has been a leader for youth groups in the past. It is definitely more his thing than mine, but I helped out as a female presence for this very reason. We had to be very careful about things like lifts and such.

Hackedabove · 29/01/2016 18:01

Could you ask the Mum is she's ok with it?

KP86 · 29/01/2016 18:02

If he's worried maybe he could set his phone to record for the journey?

I personally wouldn't be concerned about it, but then DH wasn't comfortable being in the bathroom when we were bathing DF's 3yo daughter while babysitting last week, so I can see why it might have crossed your DH's mind.

usual · 29/01/2016 18:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

firesidechat · 29/01/2016 18:04

If he's worried maybe he could set his phone to record for the journey?

I think that would be a very bad idea personally and much better to not do it or have your own child along for the journey.

Bogburglar99 · 29/01/2016 18:06

I think the unusual bit is that if DD (also 7) had a friend round, she would always want to go along to drop off to drag the socialising out as long as possible! So the question wouldn't generally arise.

However I would and do leave DH in sole charge of both DD and friend on play dates. He and I both work part time so would be hard to do otherwise.

Swipe left for the next trending thread