To think DH is being way over-cautious

[HelsBels3000]

My eldest DD (7) had a friend round for tea, all fine, had a good time and ate and played together nicely. I had previously arranged with friend's Mum that I would bring her DD home afterwards. DH suddenly announces during the day that he was going out with friends for drinks that evening - and pretty much driving past friend's house on his route. I thought nothing of it and asked that he would drop friend off on his way past - on his way out. Journey is approx 15mins each way.
DH arrives home and is told of this plan, refuses and says he will have to take friend home AND our DD in the car with him and then return home again to drop off DD, and go again - as he will not be alone in the car with someone else's daughter. I think he is being ridiculous. He thinks he is being cautious. What are your thoughts?

I agree with nodding off its hard to imagine in someone else's shoes, as women aren't generally considered in this situation, because even on this thread it's been pointed out men are 16x more likely, completely ignoring the fact it's 16x more likely than women when the pool of people that would do something is already small.

There's already predisposed ideas that because something is statistically more likely that it should have a bearing on a single person, and this is why some people disagree with racial profiling for example. So why with that in mind why take a chance?

Although taking a DC is a good idea perhaps dash cams or something would be more absolute if someone felt that they had to be protected

It's sad that people feel there is a need to be so ultra cautious but I think your DH was absolutely right.

Even if there was no suggestion that the girl might falsely accuse him, her parents may have been livid that you took a risk with their daughter in their eyes, and may have asked her loads of questions afterwards in which something got misconstrued.

I know women also occasionally abuse and women can also be falsely accused but IME most people are a million times more comfortable leaving their children alone with other women than they are with other men, especially when they don't know them well.

He has put himself above suspicion. It gives him peace of mind. And the little ones do not suffer

I wouldn't be surprised if that was in the bible somewhere

"Why would a child make a false allegation of sexual assault?"
A child who claims to have been sexually assaulted/abused has been - you have to assume that's true. However, it's entirely plausible that if a child is being abused by somebody they feel they need to protect - for instance a parent - might not be honest about who is abusing them.
Even assuming that they're not going to lie outright. If the abuse becomes known but the child refuses to say who did it, the real abuser is going to point their finger at any possible suspect who is not them.

dash cams or something would be more absolute if someone felt that they had to be protected

Yes and the 'why have you taken film footage of the children who travel in your car'? wouldn't be an awkward question at all?

Presumably you'd have to download and store it on your computer in case of allegations made later. So a folder stuffed with video footage of every journey undertaken by every child who'd ever traveled in the car presumably taken without the kids knowledge or consent wouldn't appear as dodgy as fuck?

Or you know just a normal dash cam which either just shows the road and takes audio, or two ways, that's on every journey like a normal person who uses one, and save every journey or auto delete after every 30, 60 or 90 days? Depending on your schedule and how much space you have.

But nice way to be obtuse and pretend like you'd be a creep using a dash cam just for the children. Since you come across rude and confrontational I'll just spell it out for you, it's a general use item for driving, not just when you have children.

Which would also allow drivers in situations to get there cars sorted and perpetrators of hit and run like a thread in the last 24 hours on MN

Wahh

But nice way to be obtuse and pretend like you'd be a creep using a dash cam just for the children.

I said no such thing. I was making the point that filming/recording children wouldn't set a concerned parent's mind at risk, rather it would add a whole new layer of anxiety 'why is he doing this'?

I'm full aware what a dash cam is ta, so need to be a patronising. I thought you were suggesting that the camera be turned round and trained on the children for the duration of the journey, principally because an audio only recording would offer such limited protection.

Even so given the apparent hysteria some parents have about their children being photographed in public, audio recordings would create more anxiety amongst hyper-vigilant parents rather than lessen them. The worst of both worlds in my opinion.

Since you come across rude and confrontational

Not half as much as you do.

Compos, I admit I was rude, principally because i found you to be rude, and thus was annoyed, however in my really annoying sleep deprivation I've managed to have the teeniest part of sleep and re read and whilst still think you were rude I admit I mistook and over felt how rude you actually and for that I do apologise.

And because i feel like that was tangled jibberish I guess plainly wrote I mistook/ read some of your reply to be rude when it wasn't and I'm sorry for being that rude in my reply

Stranger danger and associated fear of false accusations is completely out of hand in this country. It beggars belief.

I understand the OPs DH's point, but I feel the paranoia we have created is unhealthy. I've never given it a second thought when me and my DP transport each other's children.

Sadly in todays world your dh is right.

I agree with your DH but not only because I think he is understandably nervous about it. I get Dd to come with me when I drop her friends off because I think it is more comfortable for the friend to have her in the car too. I used to hate being on my own with parents of my friends when I was little and felt really shy, especially of their dads. Probably silly I know but for Dd to go too just makes it more comfortable all round.

it's entirely plausible that if a child is being abused by somebody they feel they need to protect - for instance a parent - might not be honest about who is abusing them. Even assuming that they're not going to lie outright. If the abuse becomes known but the child refuses to say who did it, the real abuser is going to point their finger at any possible suspect who is not them.

A perfect 10 from me for a really impressive display of mental somersaults.

I am also boggling at the poster who wouldn't give one of their pupils a lift in the pissing rain because "who knows what they could say". Has common sense completely evaporated? The most likely outcome of all this is surely less protected children? Like the toddler who escaped from their nursery and was killed by a car. And people has seen the child but wouldn't stop because who knows what people might think? That's really not a healthy society is it?

As a former scout leader and having had parents who were foster carers i am firmly with your DH on this one. It is for his own protection.

Teachers and other school workers have compulsory safeguarding training at regular intervals. It is an extremely difficult and thought provoking session and we have to think the unthinkable to ensure that situations where abuse has been ignored or not recognised can't happen again under our watch.

Expecting a teacher to pick up a pupil alone even in the pouring rain is unreasonable. Abuse is no more common now than in recent history, we are just more aware of it, and anyone taking precautions isn't being over cautious, they are being sensible.

..and what of a mum driving a boy or girl home? Women can be abusers too. Just thought i would highlight that although i appreciate it is rarer. Tbh, for the happiness of the little girl i think she would want her friend there.

Or i could say be accused of something not necessarily 'abuser' before someone jumps down my throat.

Expecting a teacher to pick up a pupil alone even in the pouring rain is unreasonable. Abuse is no more common now than in recent history, we are just more aware of it, and anyone taking precautions isn't being over cautious, they are being sensible.

That may be true but it's not unreasonable. It's nuts.

I'm cautious. But if someone my child knew and trusted, deliberately drove past in the pouring rain, or in a situation that was more risky - like darkness, alone in a lonely spot, not much chance of a bus - I'd be disappointed to say the least.

I wouldn't say anything, because given the number of people on this thread who think that a man being alone with a child puts the man at risk of the child falsely accusing sexual abuse, I'd be on a hiding to nothing.

But I would judge you for leaving my child in a dangerous situation or even just a bloody miserable one. Or me, for that matter.

God knows, my main priority when offered lifts in the pouring rain by people I know is to get in and immediately make up a complaint of sexual assault. Though sometimes I wait until I get into my comfy jim jams

Even given the remote possibility that all us mad women and children are gagging to make false allegations of sexual assault about innocent men, there is such a thing as medical evidence.

In the case of inappropriate words or touching, the police are very unlikely to act. So your husbands are safe there.

Ok, serious question.
Would you allow your children to have a sleepover at a house where friend was being raised by a single dad?

This is an old thread. You'd be better off starting a new one of your own to ask your question.

Totally agree with your dh

I also think it's really sad and unfortunate.
Not as some people are suggesting because children are believed, but because so many people think that a child/their parents are randomly going to accuse someone of abuse.
I mean, I'm pretty sure that false accusations, while they do happen, are really quite rare...

We are talking about the risk of false allegations, not that the DH is really likely to be a perp!

No wonder rape convictions are so low!
Because obviously it's far more likely for a 7yo old make a false accusation isn't it