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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to let DS not do his homework

141 replies

recyclingbag · 26/01/2016 11:46

DS is in Year 5.

He does well in school and working above levels etc. However his homework is causing difficulty.

He refuses to do it until the evening before it is due. Trouble is, that evening is always really busy. I don't really want them doing homework at the weekends so am trying to get it done before the weekend.

He's having none of it. This week he hasn't done it. Last week he had to do it again as it was clear he'd rushed it. He's very stubborn and telling/forcing him to do things is usually counter productive.

Do I just leave him to sort it out for himself? I'm tempted to say no TV/Ipad etc if it's not done but I also rather he just did it himself. Or make a timetable that we have to stick to.

What do you do? Do you 'make' them do it at certain times?

OP posts:
LongHardStare · 26/01/2016 11:50

No TV/Ipad until it is done every evening sounds a perfect solution. No need to get very involved, just let him know those are the rules and leave him to make up his own mind to get on with it.

goodnightdarthvader1 · 26/01/2016 11:51

I'm tempted to say no TV/Ipad etc if it's not done but I also rather he just did it himself.

That'll bode well for the teenage years, then.

If it were me, it would be no TV / iPad until homework done. Responsibility in life starts early, it's hardly sending him down the coalmine, is it?

However, I'm sure lots of parents will be along to disagree shortly.

Original poster
recyclingbag · 26/01/2016 11:53

That's my preference but nervousness about that is

  • he doesn't have homework every day so it's difficult to have a routine
  • he needs to eat otherwise his mood is terrible. And he goes to after school club so it would need to be after dinner
  • he has a real issue with his little brother and a lot of the problem is that DS2 doesn't have homework as he's only in infants. That would mean no TV for DS2 either and there would be (Short term) mutiny either way.

I shouldn't be nervous about it, I should just say that's how it's going to be shouldn't I!

OP posts:
Original poster
recyclingbag · 26/01/2016 11:54

It's not that he says he won't do his homework but "I don't want to do it now"

and then he runs out of time.

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 26/01/2016 11:54

He should really do his homework when you tell him to, considering he's only 9 or 10 years old.

However, if he refuses even after you've banned him from TV/ipad then I'd let the school deal with it.

Just make sure you support the school, even if it means him doing homework at the weekends.

DoreenLethal · 26/01/2016 11:55

Start getting him to do it on the day it is set as the info is fresh in his head.

Getting him into these practices early will serve him well - if he refuses then what is the punishment from school? A few detentions and tears may well convince him.

I don't agree with any homework in primary myself but that's what we have so you need to make it easiest for him.

DoreenLethal · 26/01/2016 11:57

That would mean no TV for DS2 either

Not if he is sat at the kitchen table whilst his brother is in the front room...

You are the adult here and are supposed to be helping him to learn good practices. His brother will soon get his share of homework.

Original poster
recyclingbag · 26/01/2016 11:57

If he doesn't do it he has to stay in at lunchtime.

I don't really agree with homework at primary either which is why I struggle to be too hard line.

I have emailed his teacher to have a work and maybe up the consequences a bit.

It's only half an hour a week for goodness sake!

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 26/01/2016 11:58

he has a real issue with his little brother and a lot of the problem is that DS2 doesn't have homework as he's only in infants. That would mean no TV for DS2 either and there would be (Short term) mutiny either way.

Why would it mean no TV for DS2? Confused

Just send him to his room to do his homework, so DS2 can watch TV in the lounge.

Or better still, have an hour or so where no-one watches TV. DS1 does his homework and DS2 reads a book/practices spellings.

That'll get your DS2 used to homework time, for when he actually gets it.

WorraLiberty · 26/01/2016 12:00

I have emailed his teacher to have a work and maybe up the consequences a bit.

It's only half an hour a week for goodness sake!

Come now you are the parent here.

I think you need to step up to the plate if you need to pass the buck to the teacher, for the sake of half an hour's homework per week!

I assumed you were talking about a lot more than that.

DoreenLethal · 26/01/2016 12:01

I have emailed his teacher to have a work and maybe up the consequences a bit.

Oh my - really?

Do you not think that teachers have enough to do without your parenting for you?

insan1tyscartching · 26/01/2016 12:03

To be honest I'd speak to his teacher tell her of his reluctance and say that you would fully support any consequences handed out if he failed to produce the necessary homework. Then I would speak to son, tell him that you will also provide the opportunity and reminders for him to complete it but if he chose not to take advantage of that then he would be facing the consequences at school and a consequence at home in support of school. Then I'd think of a consequence that would hit home, earlier bedtime as he's obviously tired ir he'd have done the homework or no movie night because he's had leisure time at the expense of his homework this week for example. I'd imagine within a week or two he'd soon be getting his act in gear.

willconcern · 26/01/2016 12:04

he has a real issue with his little brother and a lot of the problem is that DS2 doesn't have homework as he's only in infants. That would mean no TV for DS2 either and there would be (Short term) mutiny either way.

Whaaaaaat? This is crazy. Why should DS2 have to not watch TV just because his older brother has homework to do? DS2 will have homework soon enough. Not everything has to be equal between them.

Sorry, but I would face the tantrums in your shoes. Your DS1 needs to see you mean business! You can't be half hearted - so given that you disagree with homework at primary, you either need to say to DS1 that you don't agree with homework and he doesn't ever have to do it, or you have to get over your view on homework, and make him do it.

I would also go and speak to his teacher to ask her to assist by encouraging in school, and backing you up.

Original poster
recyclingbag · 26/01/2016 12:05

Er no, actually.

The headteacher was very explicit at the beginning of each year that homework was school's responsibility not the parents and they would deal with the consequences.

DS is frequently 'let off' by his teacher as he gives them some sob story about forgetting his book or not having enough time or some other reason why it's not his fault. It was merely an email to ask her not to let him off in future.

OP posts:
Original poster
recyclingbag · 26/01/2016 12:07

That last message was in reply to Doreen, sorry.

OP posts:
heavens2betsy · 26/01/2016 12:08

Gosh you are letting them run rings around you.

If he has an issue with DS2 now it will get worse at secondary school when he has a lot of homework and ds2 still has just half an hour a week. That's a life lesson that he will need to deal with it and you need to tell him when to do his homework and sit him down until its done.
Personally I don't agree with homework at primary school either but I made both of my dc do it and I think it does help to get them into that mindset for when they are at secondary school.
Good luck!

Purplecan4 · 26/01/2016 12:08

I tell my dc that they must do the homework on the day it is set.

Non negotiable unless ill.

WorraLiberty · 26/01/2016 12:08

Regardless of what the school has said, do you truly believe it's not your responsibility to make sure your child produces half an hour's homework per week?

If so, I can't begin to guess the struggles that lie ahead at senior school for all of you - including your other DC.

You need to get a handle on this now, and deal with the tantrums.

budgiegirl · 26/01/2016 12:09

If finding time in the week is really an issue, set aside half an hour at a weekend, why are you so against him doing it then?

Just get a bit tougher about it, don't pass the buck on to the teacher and make them the bad guy. By you reinforcing that he must do his homework, you are showing him that you and the teacher are in agreement.

Baressentials · 26/01/2016 12:14

If I only had DS1 then I would say that when he was 8/9 he always did it the night before,without panicking or causing stress to the rest of the family and always got it finished. So I wouldn't have banned anything because that was just the way he did things. He is now in Yr11, does his homework straight away, gets great grades. Perfect mum badge for me that I let him find his own way with homework Grin
Nope. Enter DD1. Badge taken off me. Everything has to be banned (tv, playing out, picking her nose) until she does it - she is year 6!!- She would leave it till 10mins before we left for school if I let her.Everyweek we have the same conversation. Do your homework dd, I can help you, Her: no, got loads of time, Me: everything is off limits until you at least make a start. Her: Does it eventually,after trying to negotiate, argue and strop then hugs me and says how much better she feels for having it out of the way. Next week: Rinse and fucking repeat.

keely79 · 26/01/2016 12:17

To DS1 - you have to do your homework as that is the rule. You will do it on the night you are given it - and you will not have TV/IPAD/play until you have done so. If you don't do it that night, then the no TV/Ipad rule will continue the next day and the next until the homework is done.

If he complains about his younger brother - It doesn't matter what DS2 gets to do - he is 5 and the rules are different for 5 year olds. Once he has homework, the same rules will apply. If you want me to treat you as a 5 year old, that can be arranged.

Baressentials · 26/01/2016 12:17

Homework definitely comes under my responsibility regardless of what the school say. Hence the word homework

Is there a homework lunch club at your dcs school? I did tell dd she would have to go there tocomplete it if she didn't do it at home therefore missing her lunchbreak.

ItchyArmpits · 26/01/2016 12:17

The headteacher was very explicit at the beginning of each year that homework was school's responsibility not the parents and they would deal with the consequences.

This is open to more than one interpretation - be prepared for the school to issue your DS with an after-school detention if he repeatedly fails to hand in his homework.

PaulAnkaTheDog · 26/01/2016 12:18

Come on OP, parent! You sound determined to find problems rather than solutions. Tell him no tv/iPad until it's font end of. If he kicks off about his brother getting to watch tv, tell him it'll be the same rules for him when he's older. Sorted. Done.

Baressentials · 26/01/2016 12:19

It doesn't matter what other siblings are allowed to watch or do. Different ages, different abilities, different expections.