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AIBU?

to let DS not do his homework

141 replies

recyclingbag · 26/01/2016 11:46

DS is in Year 5.

He does well in school and working above levels etc. However his homework is causing difficulty.

He refuses to do it until the evening before it is due. Trouble is, that evening is always really busy. I don't really want them doing homework at the weekends so am trying to get it done before the weekend.

He's having none of it. This week he hasn't done it. Last week he had to do it again as it was clear he'd rushed it. He's very stubborn and telling/forcing him to do things is usually counter productive.

Do I just leave him to sort it out for himself? I'm tempted to say no TV/Ipad etc if it's not done but I also rather he just did it himself. Or make a timetable that we have to stick to.

What do you do? Do you 'make' them do it at certain times?

OP posts:

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TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams · 26/01/2016 12:19

30 mins a week in Yr 5?

DD is getting reading that takes 30 mins a night in Yr 1.. and maths and spellings weekly too. I'm jealous

I don't understand why he isn't doing it at the after school club?

Baressentials · 26/01/2016 12:20

*expectations

recyclingbag · 26/01/2016 12:20

Bareessentials, thank you. That's exactly what it is like.

OP posts:

Baressentials · 26/01/2016 12:21

tread 30mins in yr1? Is that a state school? That seems loads! Not being snippy just curious because ds2 is in yr 1 and he definitely doesn't have 30mins a night.

OneMagnumisneverenough · 26/01/2016 12:22

It's his homework, given to him by the school. It's up to him to deal with the consequences of it being done or not.

I've taken this stance since mine were old enough to read and understand their own tasks. I will ask from time to time if they have any but they seem to have managed to reach the ages of 15 and 14 and are doing well in school and complete their homework as expected by school.

I'd but out and leave him to it.

Baressentials · 26/01/2016 12:24

Ok I could let DS1 get away with that because he was my 1st child, I wasn't working and we didn't have lots else on. So it worked for us.
Why is that night before his homework is due so busy?

Gobbolino6 · 26/01/2016 12:26

I was left to it with homework. I never did it until the morning it was due, which was fine until I went to university as I was a bright spark and at a private school where they spoon fed us for exams etc.

Trouble was, I had no work ethic at all. I got a high 2:1 by doing the bare minimum at the last minute, in fact I missed a high first simply through losing marks from handing things in late.

My kids are only in KS1 but I supervise their work and plan to do it for years to come.

theycallmemellojello · 26/01/2016 12:27

He might be too tired to do it in the evenings? Maybe weekends are the best option. Otherwise, I actually think it's fine for him to manage his own time.

recyclingbag · 26/01/2016 12:28

DS2 has Beavers and he has Cubs straight after. It's a logistical headache of shuttling, cooking, eating for 2 hours. He doesn't get back from cubs until gone 8.

OP posts:

Baressentials · 26/01/2016 12:28

I do think that in year 5 they have to learn to take responsibility. Doing it the night before is fine. If that is what he prefers. If he has a club that night then something will have too give. He can choose. Make it clear.Let him see and feel the onssequences of his choices. What he can't expect is for you to drop everything to help/cajole/ng himm about his homework the night beoofre it is due.I wouldalmost say back off and see what happens eek not sure I actually could though

theycallmemellojello · 26/01/2016 12:28

and I don't believe that giving kids routine gives them a work ethic. one of my best friends was made to practice piano for 2 hours a day every day in childhood. she is the worst procrastinator ever - gets fired from jobs etc. (amazing pianist though)

HopeClearwater · 26/01/2016 12:29

OP, your child is going to push at boundaries much more than this in the coming years and you need to be able to push back. Stop finding excuses. Step up and be a parent. You've had plenty of advice upthread. Now just do it.

ItchyArmpits · 26/01/2016 12:29

DS2 has Beavers and he has Cubs straight after. It's a logistical headache of shuttling, cooking, eating for 2 hours. He doesn't get back from cubs until gone 8.

Will it be more of a headache if you can't pick up DS1 at the usual time because he has a detention?

HopeClearwater · 26/01/2016 12:30

one of my best friends was made to practice piano for 2 hours a day every day in childhood

One anecdote does not form hard evidence!

HermioneJeanGranger · 26/01/2016 12:30

It's only half an hour a week for goodness sake!

Then you need to sit him down and make him do it! He's ten years old. He doesn't get to opt out of homework.

TheWoodenSpoonOfMischief · 26/01/2016 12:30

Why does ds2 have to watch TV?
Can he draw/colour/learn times tables or whatever?

madmotherof2 · 26/01/2016 12:30

My DS1 was much the same in yr5, he'd leave homework until the last night, although he wouldn't dream of not doing it full stop! Just would cause arguments that he'd left it until last minute!

He struggled when he started this year on year 7! Suddenly couldn't afford to leave anything as he couldn't be sure that he wouldn't get any extra last minute homework to do. We now have a rule that if he has any homework ( regardless to when it's due in) I expect him to do at least some of it before watching TV or playing on the PS4. It generally works ok.....

airforsharon · 26/01/2016 12:32

Is doing it at the weekend really not possible? My dds (9 and 7 yo twins) have always done theirs over the weekend, usually after lunch on Sunday. Has to be handed in Mon (Y4) and Tues (Y2). After school there never seems to be quite enough time - they're at clubs/music lessons or just plain pooped - but at the weekends they're more relaxed and there's less pressure to get it done now, before tea/bed/shower etc. The older they get the more they'll have to do so although I'm not that happy about homework at primary level it does help them get into the habit of doing it regularly.

I help them if they need it - i'm lucky they all do it happily on the whole but there's been the odd time when one has dragged their heels. I just tell them not to come grumbling to me if they're told off for not handing it in finished!

Namechange02 · 26/01/2016 12:32

it would be no TV / iPad until homework done. Responsibility in life starts early,

alternatively you could take the view that actions (or in this case inaction) has consequences - eg detention/telling off at school. Either he'll get the message, or he won't, and there will be more detentions. My mum didn't nag me, I got into trouble a few times, and eventually I "got" it and got my homework in on time and to the requisite standard.

SiwanGwynt · 26/01/2016 12:33

I do not think that primary schools should give homework. My kids did not do homework at primary school, they did give it out but I viewed it as optional. The school did not mind.

Talk to the school, tell them that the homework is too much and is causing problems. They may say that he does not have to do it.

Baressentials · 26/01/2016 12:33

What are the consequences from school for not doing homework? Maybe say to him hw has to be done before cubs or no go. Not in an angry frustrated way but a "these are your choices" way.

Got to say hw will soon become a part of your weekend so I think he should be allowed to complete it then if he wants to. We want our dc to see hw and revision etc as something valuable, not a chore (even though we know it is) but curtailing his hw to week nights only after a long school day won't help I think

DoreenLethal · 26/01/2016 12:34

DS2 has Beavers and he has Cubs straight after. It's a logistical headache of shuttling, cooking, eating for 2 hours. He doesn't get back from cubs until gone 8

If he has this the night before his homework needs to be in, then that is why he is saying he will wait until the night before. Perhaps you need to tell him that if his homework isn't done, then he won't be going to cubs that night.

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ItchyArmpits · 26/01/2016 12:34

He's 9. He will be getting homework for almost the next decade. Save your future self years of bother and stress and sort it out now.

Wolfiefan · 26/01/2016 12:37

It's half an hour once a week. He needs to do it.
If he doesn't he will spend all his time at secondary school getting detentions.
He refuses to do it until the day before? You are the parent. Pick a time. He does it.

TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams · 26/01/2016 12:37

Baressentials - no it's an independent school. She's one of the youngest in the year though so Biff and Feckin' Kipper probably takes the older kids 10 mins to rattle through.
10 spellings a week but all easy stuff like fall / ball etc and about 5 "sums"

So the DS in Yr 5 has Cubs after DS2 does Beavers? Could you do it while you wait for Beavers to finish - added incentive that he doesn't go in if its not finished?

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