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Original poster

to let DS not do his homework

141 replies

recyclingbag · 26/01/2016 11:46

DS is in Year 5.

He does well in school and working above levels etc. However his homework is causing difficulty.

He refuses to do it until the evening before it is due. Trouble is, that evening is always really busy. I don't really want them doing homework at the weekends so am trying to get it done before the weekend.

He's having none of it. This week he hasn't done it. Last week he had to do it again as it was clear he'd rushed it. He's very stubborn and telling/forcing him to do things is usually counter productive.

Do I just leave him to sort it out for himself? I'm tempted to say no TV/Ipad etc if it's not done but I also rather he just did it himself. Or make a timetable that we have to stick to.

What do you do? Do you 'make' them do it at certain times?

OP posts:
BertrandRussell · 26/01/2016 13:02

I think the thing I find most worrying in this whole scenario is the idea thwt if the 10 year old isn't allowed to watch TV until his homework is done, the his little brother can't either.........

MerryMarigold · 26/01/2016 13:03

I have a Y5 ds who hates homework. We do it Mon, Tue, Wed and he gets time on the computer/ minecraft or an episode of Top Gear each day after it's done. He knows it needs to be done, so he does it. I think they do need to be trained to do 'unpleasant' things, life isn't one long party. But a little reward is also fine. I reward myself for cleaning the house

Original poster
recyclingbag · 26/01/2016 13:05

I suppose I see a difference between a love of learning and doing tasks just because you've been told to do them.

So last week, DS1 completely of his own free will wrote a 500 word story (before he even knew about the competition) and took in copies for his friends at school.

DS2 has taken it upon himself to learn all of the capital cities in the back of one of his sticker books this week.

When DS1 had a homework project we took him on a trip to London so he could take photographs of it.

We do prioritise learning and enthusiasm. Homework is more of a 'get it done' thing that's it's difficult to get excited about.

OP posts:
MerryMarigold · 26/01/2016 13:06

And it's usually under 30 mins of time, which isn't a lot considering there is around 5 hours of time between school and bed. Plus a free weekend. (Thur we do spellings and times table, but that's a lot less than 30 mins).

Original poster
recyclingbag · 26/01/2016 13:07

It's not that he can't watch TV, but that it's another distraction for DS1 to manage and argue about.

OP posts:
MerryMarigold · 26/01/2016 13:07

Homework is more of a 'get it done' thing that's it's difficult to get excited about.

So are many people's jobs, or aspects of them.
So is cleaning the house.
So is taking care of your kid in the middle of the night when you'd rather be asleep.
So are many aspects of parenting !

Choughed · 26/01/2016 13:07

Re screen ban during the week, I don't think it's hardcore. DD wasn't doing badly in school, it just affected her behaviour. She would default to wanting screens whenever she was home. Now she plays with her toys much more, does arty things, goes outside, reads.. And there's less whining at bedtime.

We started it in September with the new school term and there was minimum fuss.

steppemum · 26/01/2016 13:08

I wonder (genuinely) how much these "homework refusers" are picking up on their parents' dismissal of the importance of homework. If their parents think it's unimportant, it's hardly going to motivate the kids, is it?

goodnight - I am a teacher.

ds did 11+ prep, took the exam and is in a super selective grammar. (we didn't have a problem with that, it was school homework that was the probelm)

I spent his whole primary battling with him to do homework, thinking it mattered. We changed tack in the end, and it was seriously effecting our family.

As I said, his attitude to homework in year 7 was unbelievably different.

It is looking back that I can understand why it was an issue, and wish I had backed off. Interestingly the school has changed their homework strategy too.

whois · 26/01/2016 13:08

You have to help him develop a good work ethic and be organised. Leaving it to the last minute is a terrible habit to get into.

wickedlazy · 26/01/2016 13:10

Ds is 5 years old, and gets half an hours homework every day. He does it as soon as he gets home from school, not allowed tv on or ipad etc until he does it. His reading book he does just before he goes to bed though, instead of being allowed to pick a story like the other nights.

goodnightdarthvader1 · 26/01/2016 13:10

What Marigold said. I know you only get one childhood, but come on. Doing 30 mins of homework a WEEK isn't exactly sucking all of the joy out of life. Sometimes you just have to knuckle down and do things that you don't enjoy.

Original poster
recyclingbag · 26/01/2016 13:12

Merry Marigold, of course it is. Just like I make him put his clothes in the washing basket etc.

What I meant was I don't equate homework with a love of school or learning, more of a chore.

OP posts:
wickedlazy · 26/01/2016 13:14

Screen time is the first thing I ban if ds is being naughty. Have told him lots of times TV is a privilege, and not a necessity.

TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams · 26/01/2016 13:15

And it's also fairly easy to argue that while your younger sibling gets to watch TV while you do your homework, you get to stay up later etc etc. Assuming he does.

Mine are close in age so banning TV while homework gets done is not such an issue. It's fairly easy to distract our younger child with something else most of the time anyway.

Homework is more of a 'get it done' thing that's it's difficult to get excited about.
I sympathise with this. We'll spend 30 mins labouring over Biff and Kipper and she'll happily read sentences or words from a bed time story. But that's not "homework" and as dull as ditchwater.

Jessbow · 26/01/2016 13:15

Its half an hour... Surely you can find a set time for him to do it.
if evenings are always busy you perhaps need to change a priority so there is time.
Saturday morning, after breakfast, before you all get ready/get out doing ( while you shower and dress, what does he do?)

EricNorthmanSucks · 26/01/2016 13:15

steppemum you make it sound as if exhaustive studies have been undertaken on homework.

They haven't.

The studies available, did not deal in detail with type and quality of homework or subjects across the board.

There have however been lots of studies that indicate support in the home has a huge factor on academic achievement.

Sallyhasleftthebuilding · 26/01/2016 13:16

This is a tough one!! DS homework bears no relation to his targets or class work - it's pointless - eg Make up 10 sums about Queen Elizabeth.

So no he's not made to do it, I'd rather he worked on the year 6 homework book I brought.

No reward or punishment at school, they don't seem to care whether it's done or not.

It's not compulsory and I don't enforce it.

maybebabybee · 26/01/2016 13:16

My mum never sat over me and made me do my homework. She used to say 'well, if you don't do it and you get in trouble, that's your own look out'. But then she was also massively Hmm about homework being set at primary school level.

For me personally, it was good because it meant I learnt how to self-discipline and when I got to uni I was used to managing my own time and workload without a parent hovering over me making sure I did it (some of my peers could have benefitted from having that skill!). She took the same approach with each of us and all of us have done very well academically. We're all different though. I am very much a 'works best under pressure' type person so I tend to produce my best work when leaving til the last minute. My sister, for eg, is a planner and starts things weeks in advance. Other sister comes somewhere in between.

maybebabybee · 26/01/2016 13:17

Just to clarify though, my Mum was very supportive of us doing well at school, she just didn't stand over us and make us do all the work. But education was encouraged and if any of us were under-achieving at any point she'd have stepped in. We never did, so she didn't.

goodnightdarthvader1 · 26/01/2016 13:19

it was good because it meant I learnt how to self-discipline and when I got to uni I was used to managing my own time and workload without a parent hovering over me making sure I did it

YAAAAAAAAAAAAS.

OliviaDunham · 26/01/2016 13:25

Mine get no screen time until homework/reading is done. If they don't do it/hand it in then they take the consequences the school hands out.

EricNorthmanSucks · 26/01/2016 13:30

I think self-discipline comes at different times to different DC.

At 10, some will be mature enough to understand the consequences of their actions, for others it will take much longer. In the intervening period, the parent needs to take control.

maybebabybee · 26/01/2016 13:35

I happen to think, however, that 30 minutes of homework a day at primary school age is pointless. I don't see how it prepares DC in any way for secondary school. They're totally different ball games.

IMO any 10 y old (besides those with SN obviously) should be perfectly capable of getting on with their own homework, if only because they know they'll get in trouble if they don't do it.

OneMagnumisneverenough · 26/01/2016 13:44

I support my children at home with their education, I will ask if they have homework and suggest that they do it when they get it rather than leaving it. I don't check if they've done it, I don't nag and I don't go on about it or ban stuff etc etc.

it's their homework that they have to learn to manage themselves. I am there and happy to support if asked.

It really isn't rocket science and there are bigger fish to fry.

iwouldgoouttonight · 26/01/2016 13:47

Sallyhasleftthebuilding I agree - our school sounds similar.

I completely understand that children need to learn how to do tasks they don't necessarily want to do, and they need to get used to doing homework so they're prepared for secondary school although we didn't used to have homework in primary and I don't remember people having a problem at secondary But my DS sounds like the OP's. He's in year 5 too and has been having homework since year 1. He hates it, absolutely hates it. Every weekend is a massive battle to get him to do it and it goes the same every week.

  1. Sit him down first thing on a Saturday morning when he's not tired, not hungry, etc.
  2. He moans and grumbles, so we try to help get him started
  3. Continues to moan and not write anything
  4. We say no TV, XBox, playing, etc for the rest of the weekend unless you get on with it
  5. He continues to grumble
  6. We feel ourselves getting cross so we leave him to it
  7. He stays sitting there, sometimes for hours, not doing homework
  8. Eventually after an age, he reluctantly does the absolute minimum.

A couple of times he's got so upset he's written 'I hate homework' in his homework book in massive letters. We've gave him a punishment and said he also has to deal with whatever punishment the teacher sees fit. The teacher thought it was funny Hmm

So I don't think he's benefiting at all from homework - it just makes him associate learning with being unhappy. We make sure he reads every day and does his spellings and times tables, but that's about it.

DD (year 2) on the other hand - loves homework. She gets home and gets on with it without us even having to mention it. If she forgets and its the night before it should be handed in, she worries and has to get it done.

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