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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not cook the meal he 'ordered'?

117 replies

SassySarahSays · 17/01/2016 23:03

DP is working this weekend. Last night he got ingredients out of the freezer then sent me a message this morning which said 'thought we could have X meal tonight.' This meal takes at least 30 mins prep and lots of attention during it which, with an 11 month old who's clingy during the evening, is far from ideal. He wasn't getting home until 6 and we always eat as a family so cooking once he was home wasn't an option as it would have been too late for the DC.

When he arrived home and saw I'd prepared something else, he looked pissed off and said I'd 'had all day to sort it.' Today looked like this:

8: kids woke, we played, showered, had breakfast, went out to play in the snow and walked the dog.
11: did spellings and homework with the eldest while the younger two played, prepared lunch and put baby down to nap
1: took kids swimming and for bike ride at the park
3: did the weekly food shop, ironed all school uniform
4.30: hoovered entire house, read and played with the dc

It's not as if I've been sitting around all day doing nothing. Aibu to not have cooked the meal he 'ordered' which would've meant leaving the baby to cry intermittently for an hour and being disorganised for tomorrow? (I will use the defrosted ingredients tomorrow when he is not working so can watch baby)

OP posts:
Ughnotagain · 17/01/2016 23:04

Tell him to go fuck himself. He wants certain food, he makes the food.

Soooosie · 17/01/2016 23:05

He's being unreasonable

Arfarfanarf · 17/01/2016 23:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Twitterqueen · 17/01/2016 23:07

I would actually love for someone else in my household to suggest a meal and then go to the trouble of getting all the ingredients out of the freezer ready to cook.

From your description of your day, I would say that yes, you could easily have done it.

Cleensheetsandbedding · 17/01/2016 23:07

Tell him to cook it himself next time.

My Dh favourite dinner is a specific curry from scratch, it's a ball ache to make and takes at least 1hr to make. During which time dd would usually be crying, wrecking the house ect..

In the end I just said 'no it's an arse ache' !

Akire · 17/01/2016 23:07

He asked you couldn't do it. No problem he's having it tomorrow. I would be more concerned he thinks that instead of looking after abd having fun with the kids you should put his desire for a certain meal first.

edwinbear · 17/01/2016 23:07

I would probably have cooked the meal but left the school uniforms for him to iron when he got back, on account of my enjoying cooking but hating ironing. YANBU.

TheWomanInTheWall · 17/01/2016 23:08

HIBU

ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight · 17/01/2016 23:08

Yeah that's not ok
If he wants a fancy time consuming meal he can cook it himself on his next day off

PrincessHairyMclary · 17/01/2016 23:08

Go out for a coffee tomorrow leaving him with the baby and precious ingredients and see how he does!

TheWomanInTheWall · 17/01/2016 23:08

And you are going to cook it yomorrow when you have more time and he's still in a mood?

Actually, HIBVU!

Cleensheetsandbedding · 17/01/2016 23:09

twitter I rec op could have stuck a feather duster up her arse an dusted the skirting boards too with all that spare time! Hmm

Topseyt · 17/01/2016 23:11

Tell him that if wants to complain and try to dictate then he can cook the meal when he gets in.

SonjasSister7 · 17/01/2016 23:11

Did he ask you if this is what you'd like to cook and eat as well, then once you'd said yes, great idea, he offered to get the ingredients out to help a bit beforehand? And did you tell him when he got in there hadn't been time after all, to which he replied oh, ok, why not lets have it tomorrow when I can help then? What do you think?

Anything other than the above and he IBVU and a bit of a cock.

AndNowItsSeven · 17/01/2016 23:12

Yabu your eldest much be at least six possibly older so perfectly capable of playing with baby while you prep dinner.

PurpleDaisies · 17/01/2016 23:12

I'd have been annoyed too.

Could you do a weekly meal plan to avoid this sort of thing? We find it stops us bickering about what to eat and helps with take away temptation. We also agree which days each of us will cook and mark it on the planner.

Twitterqueen · 17/01/2016 23:12

Despite a 30 minute prep time (which isn't that long) and a clingy baby you've managed to go sledging, walking the dog, bike ride, playing, hoovering etc etc. How come the baby wasn't being ignored and crying whilst you were doing all this?

maybe you could take the approach of "Oh, thanks so much for suggesting xyz and getting everying out of the freezer. Let's have a lovely meal tonight with just the 2 of us and a bottle of wine.

And, btw, I speak as a full-time working single mother of 3. And I'm not suggesting for a minute that you pander to a man's wishes - it just seems to me that you could have met him half way at the very least.

TamaraLamara · 17/01/2016 23:12

What was the meal he wanted? (missing the point of the thread, yes, but I am bored of our samey rotated meals each week and need inspiration)

BackforGood · 17/01/2016 23:14

I agree with twitterqueen - doesn't sound like he ordered it at all. Sounds like he got the things out the freezer and suggested that would be nice for the evening meal.
Does sound you've packed a lot into the day, but that includes making a meal (as you said you wanted the meal cooked during the day??).
I@d rather spend an extra 10 mins cooking a meal one of my family really fancied, than did the vacuuming, or ironing, or other rather unnecessary tasks, tbh.

Soooosie · 17/01/2016 23:16

I don't think he can dictate what you're eating as he's not the cook. He can suggest though.

TamaraLamara · 17/01/2016 23:16

tbh, I don't equate 'thought we could have X meal tonight' with 'ordering' or 'dictating'. It's a suggestion, surely?

AFootInBothCamps · 17/01/2016 23:17

I think he was just being organised, not bossy? And thoughtful to get the stuff out in time to defrost?

SonjasSister7 · 17/01/2016 23:17

Was he hungry when he moaned. My normally very reasonable dh can be quite unpleasant when he's too hungry. He does know it, but himself to apologise until he's eaten something!

PurpleDaisies · 17/01/2016 23:18

tbh, I don't equate 'thought we could have X meal tonight' with 'ordering' or 'dictating'. It's a suggestion, surely?

I agree except the op says he was pissed off and told her she should have cooked it. That's more than just a helpful suggestion.

IHeartKingThistle · 17/01/2016 23:19

Yeah I would have cooked it too but I suppose it depends on the DH. Mine doesn't have form for being an arse or taking me for granted so I wouldn't have taken it like that.

If this is part of a general pattern of expecting you to to everything then YANBU.