to not cook the meal he 'ordered'?

[SassySarahSays]

DP is working this weekend. Last night he got ingredients out of the freezer then sent me a message this morning which said 'thought we could have X meal tonight.' This meal takes at least 30 mins prep and lots of attention during it which, with an 11 month old who's clingy during the evening, is far from ideal. He wasn't getting home until 6 and we always eat as a family so cooking once he was home wasn't an option as it would have been too late for the DC.

When he arrived home and saw I'd prepared something else, he looked pissed off and said I'd 'had all day to sort it.' Today looked like this:

8: kids woke, we played, showered, had breakfast, went out to play in the snow and walked the dog.
11: did spellings and homework with the eldest while the younger two played, prepared lunch and put baby down to nap
1: took kids swimming and for bike ride at the park
3: did the weekly food shop, ironed all school uniform
4.30: hoovered entire house, read and played with the dc

It's not as if I've been sitting around all day doing nothing. Aibu to not have cooked the meal he 'ordered' which would've meant leaving the baby to cry intermittently for an hour and being disorganised for tomorrow? (I will use the defrosted ingredients tomorrow when he is not working so can watch baby)

The rule in our household is: I do the cooking, so I get to decide dictate what we eat.

Sassy
You have several threads running about your DH. What are you hoping to gain? You have left out some fairly significant backstory in this post which will obviously skew the answers.

If you are seriously considering leaving him (which I think you should based on your other threads) then post in Relationships not AIBU and give people the full picture. That way you can get advice based on your true situation not little snapshots which may or may not be important.

I don't think YABU at all. If he'd suggested it and just was disappointed then fair enough. But not asking you if you'd mind and then being pissed off and moaning that 'you'd had all day' isn't on.

I reckon I'm lucky too. DH will sometimes ask more for a particular meal and on rarer occasions will get bits out of the freezer, but if I can't manage to do it then he's happy with the fact he's got a dinner made for him at all, and normally will be happy if I say I'll try it the next day. Or if its a time constraint thing he'll often muck in himself (either distracting kids, chopping or tidying up or all 3). Thankfully he also appreciates that if the kids are eating with us they need a meal they'll eat at a time they eat it, so if something goes off their menu or schedule he appreciates it won't be ready for him when he walks in the door and it may require him pitching in.

Based on your OP no, in my family it would be ok to do this.

But having read another one of your threads I'm inclined to cut you some slack

It sounds like there's more going on.

I suggest you speak to him - he'll probably say he feels like you don't think about him enough or something like that. It sounds in fact like it was a test. Bit of a set up. To see what you do and then get cross when you don't do what he asked.

sigh

this will require a proper conversation

But anyway - the husband is an utter nightmare so she needs to end this relationship ASAP

Unless there is more to this then thats a bit of a leap!

If my h told me 'I'd had all day to do something', in an arsey way, I wouldn't do it at all ever. You are not staff - he does not get to set the agenda for your days. Particularly if he is going to come home and sit on his arse while you continue to do everything for the dc. I'd rather bin the ingredients tbh.

And if my h set tests for me, there would be serious trouble!

Just read your other thread, I think dinner is the least of your worries OP. Is it easier to focus on what may be seen as a "minor" problem like this to deflect from the major relationship problems you have?

Today 10:06 LagunaBubbles

But anyway - the husband is an utter nightmare so she needs to end this relationship ASAP

Unless there is more to this then thats a bit of a leap!

There is more to it. See other threads and previous threads under another name (mentioned in other thread)

Yep just read them Obsidian!

I wouldn't put up with my husband speaking to me that way just because he's been at work! I think previous posters are right - he set you a test, I bet he's secretly delighted you failed it so he he take his work grump out on you. He sounds very controlling.

It is possible for couples to consult each other politely about what to eat for dinner, even if one of them is a very important man with a very important job to do.

Person who does the cooking gets final say on the meal. Them's the rules in our house. Suggestions are always welcome, but suggesting a three course meal when all I want is chips and something probably won't get you very far. Of course if you're desperate for said three course meal then you're welcome to spend hours cooking for yourself whilst I'm on the sofa enjoying my fish fingers.

My ten month old eat scurry so I don't see the need for to spectate dinners. Just cook a milder portion if necessary.

I don’t get this. Why isn’t HE cooking the meal he fancies tonight, after HIS day off?

I have, in all honesty, been known to respond to heartfelt request for something that I cook well and DP doesn’t. On a day when it’s my turn to cook. Similarly, I’ve been known to ask if he fancies cooking XXX on one of his days because I like it. However, if either of us issued a peremptory order the other would issue a short, probably four-letter, riposte.

If you are seriously considering leaving him (which I think you should based on your other threads) then post in Relationships not AIBU and give people the full picture. That way you can get advice based on your true situation not little snapshots which may or may not be important.

+1.