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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not cook the meal he 'ordered'?

117 replies

SassySarahSays · 17/01/2016 23:03

DP is working this weekend. Last night he got ingredients out of the freezer then sent me a message this morning which said 'thought we could have X meal tonight.' This meal takes at least 30 mins prep and lots of attention during it which, with an 11 month old who's clingy during the evening, is far from ideal. He wasn't getting home until 6 and we always eat as a family so cooking once he was home wasn't an option as it would have been too late for the DC.

When he arrived home and saw I'd prepared something else, he looked pissed off and said I'd 'had all day to sort it.' Today looked like this:

8: kids woke, we played, showered, had breakfast, went out to play in the snow and walked the dog.
11: did spellings and homework with the eldest while the younger two played, prepared lunch and put baby down to nap
1: took kids swimming and for bike ride at the park
3: did the weekly food shop, ironed all school uniform
4.30: hoovered entire house, read and played with the dc

It's not as if I've been sitting around all day doing nothing. Aibu to not have cooked the meal he 'ordered' which would've meant leaving the baby to cry intermittently for an hour and being disorganised for tomorrow? (I will use the defrosted ingredients tomorrow when he is not working so can watch baby)

OP posts:
Original poster
SassySarahSays · 17/01/2016 23:20

Ironing was school and work uniforms so totally necessary.

It's a meal he likes, I don't mind but wouldn't eat if alone and the dc don't eat so I'd have to cook them something different, too. The meal he got was a roast dinner so I don't think that's too bad.

OP posts:
ladymariner · 17/01/2016 23:21

Yep, i agree with twitterqueen too.

SonjasSister7 · 17/01/2016 23:22

Can't bring himself to apologise. Not sure what happened there!

Canyouforgiveher · 17/01/2016 23:24

Why on earth does he care so much what he eats? Presumably the meal you prepared was nice and he knows he will have his favourite tomorrow. I'd think it a bit childish to get miffed in those circumstances.

Generally I'd tell dh to feck off if he ordered a particular meal for his dinner but if he said I love your lasagne can we have that tonight I'd probably make the effort baby and all.

ExitPursuedByABear · 17/01/2016 23:24

Think we need to know what the meal was.

heavenlypink · 17/01/2016 23:25

Get a sign like this ..... I have one and frequently refer to it!

to not cook the meal he 'ordered'?
Original poster
SassySarahSays · 17/01/2016 23:25

It's not a suggestion if he's already got the ingredients out though is it? If I don't cook it then it's wasteful.

He is usually very disorganised and if I'm last home and ask him to sort dinner, even if I have all three dc with me, his answer is usually to order something!

After he arrived home we ate, he washed up while I played with the dc, I tidied up and bathed the kids, read with all three and pit them all to bed yet he's fast asleep on the sofa Hmm

OP posts:
IHeartKingThistle · 17/01/2016 23:27

Right, well then this is part of a bigger issue.

Original poster
SassySarahSays · 17/01/2016 23:27

It was a particular curry so I would have had to prepare separate meals for the children.

OP posts:
LorelaiVictoriaGilmore · 17/01/2016 23:28

I don't actually think either of you are being unreasonable. If dh has a long day at work and particularly fancies something particular for dinner, I will normally cook it as I know he will have been looking forward to it all day. But, if I don't have time, I'll do something quicker. But then I wouldn't be surprised if he was then disappointed!

Lightbulbon · 17/01/2016 23:28

I'm not one for women being lumbered with wifework but in this scenario I'm on dp's side.

Itsameal he likes, you not making it sounds like passive aggressiveness from you/dcs not liking it.

Tbh it sounds to me like there may be bigger issues in your marriage.

You sound very invested in your dcs but not much bothered by your dp's happiness.

WhitePhantom · 17/01/2016 23:30

Why didn't he play with the kids, read to them, bath them and put them to bed? Does he not (get to)do anything with the kids??

SantasLittleMonkeyButler · 17/01/2016 23:30

In my opinion, the person doing the cooking decides what to cook.

Of course it's fine for anybody to say "I really fancy X for tea" or for the person cooking to ask the family what they feel like having. In my house though, DH would never get things out of the freezer and then expect to see them cooked when he got home from work. Of course that's "ordering". He expected his chosen meal cooked, so yes he did order it.

I think you had a busy enough day as it was - swimming, the park, a weekly food shop, playing in the snow, ironing and housework. All with an 11 month old & two older DCs. Are people really saying that isn't a busy day? Confused

TheWomanInTheWall · 17/01/2016 23:31

OP made a roast on Sunday when her DP was working rather than make a curry the kids don't eat and have to make a second meal. Instead she's making the curry tomorrow when her DP is home and some kids are at school.

How is that PA?!

TheWomanInTheWall · 17/01/2016 23:33

I think it's quite PA of the DP to defrost the ingredients without checking and then huff cos they would be cooked tomorrow not today.

Unless it's his birthday and OP didn't mention it!

Chocqueen99 · 17/01/2016 23:35

He sounds like a mardy arse!
As if you didn't have enough on without cooking a chuffin roast dinner.

Qwebec · 17/01/2016 23:36

I can't say for you, but if my DP asked for a meal and I did not want to make it, faire enough but I would tell him to avoid him waiting all doy for it and being disapointed and grumpy

30 mins is def not long to make a meal.

BathtimeFunkster · 17/01/2016 23:36

It's a suggestion until you start getting arsey that your "suggestion" wasn't implemented, in the manner of a command.

GiddyOnZackHunt · 17/01/2016 23:37

If you'd have had to cook for the DC anyway I'd have fed them and let him cook the chosen meal. Is it possible he meant he would cook and is fed up you did something different?
Of course if he felt you should have cooked it then he needs a rethink.

Original poster
SassySarahSays · 17/01/2016 23:41

He definitely wasn't planning to cook it, he expected it on the table. I went up to run the bath with the baby and the other dc followed, DP didn't. By the time he surfaced all dc were in pyjamas and reading. None if them want him to take them to bed and he's not up for trying to change that.

OP posts:
GiddyOnZackHunt · 17/01/2016 23:43

On your other thread you got a LTB. Ain't nothing here to say otherwise...

Cressandra · 17/01/2016 23:45

Will he be cooking it tomorrow then?

Fair enough for you to say no time, it's been frantic. Tomorrow sounds fine as a compromise.

My DH might get the stuff out but he would never be mardy over me not cooking it. But then he knows what it's like to wrangle the children singlehanded.

AcrossthePond55 · 17/01/2016 23:45

I'd say it's one thing to say "If I put XXX out will you make that curry I like?" and another for "I put XXX out, cook that curry". Sounds as if he was somewhere between the two.

But if I'd gotten the text I would have replied "Sorry, that's too much faff for me today. I'm going to make XXX. We can have that curry when you're home to watch the kids while I cook". Chances are he'd been thinking of that favourite curry all day and was really looking forward to it. No excuse to be pissed off, but I'd have been disappointed, too.

Original poster
SassySarahSays · 17/01/2016 23:48

I did reply this morning that I'd see how baby was to see if I could cook it. He went home for lunch for 1.5 hrs when we were swimming so could have prepped it then to help, but didn't.

OP posts:
MagzFarquarson · 17/01/2016 23:48

What Giddy said, Was he planning to get all Jamie Oliver on you, or was he expecting you to make two separate meals?

If the former, he could be annoyed that he didn't get his air-time. If the latter, tough shit Smile