Dreading becoming a hated MIL

[FlatOnTheHill]

I have read so many MIL threads on MN and many of the attacks on MILs are for such petty, ridiculous and unnecessary reasons it makes for uncomfortable reading.
Does anyone else dread the thought of their DS's one day marrying a controlling MIL hater.

Just be nice and you'll be fine.

No.

Don't be a dick and you won't be hated. Threads about how great one's relatives are do not garner much popularity because they're dull.

YABU to be worrying about this, unless it is imminent (being hated I mean, not being a MiL).
There are DiLs who are somewhat unreasonable on here, but a lot of the threads do describe some pretty odd behaviour from the MiL. If you aren't going to behave badly, then the odds are you'll all get along fine - just like most people do in real life, but we don't tend to post about the 'ordinary'

nope me neither, I have two boys & two girls & none of the 'woe-is-me-mother-of-sons' stuff.

No because I'm confident I'm not a bitch

Im always pleasant and nice to people. My DS is 15 so its years away.
I just see very petty reasons for a lot of MILs to get slated.

Well I don't plan on... Let's see - accusing my DIL of "hogging" the baby when she breastfeeds; turning up at their wedding dressed all in black and sobbing throughout the ceremony, feeding a 3 month old cake or any other of the batshit MIL things I've read about on here.

It does amuse me that all the "potential MIL" stuff is levied at mothers of boys...who was that vile comedian who pretty much invented the "Mother in Law" joke trope? A man. Mums of girls are just as likely to be seen as problematic as mums of boys, just not as much on mumsnet.

I'm a mil.

I find if you remember to take your guidance on boundries in families where the children are not yours from the actual parents it tends to go Without a hitch

I get on very well with my MIL. I have occasionally felt pain from her words, but this is just from her favouritism to her daughters and granddaughter over dh and our ds s. She doesn't intend to hurt us, and it's just thoughtlessness, but it does sting a bit sometimes. Ouch. I never show it though. We mostly get along great.

^ as above. If you have a basic understanding of what's appropriate and what is not (ie: don't take DGs for their first haircut without telling DiL and expect her to be thrilled for eg) and I'm sure you'll rub along fine.

Just checking though: can you conceive that there are women out there who you could consider great DiLs?

I just see very petty reasons for a lot of MILs to get slated.

It's usually a case of 'straw that broke' with these posts though. We see a snippet, one tiny issue that seems like nothing, but added in to the whole picture we see why a poster is being driven up the wall.

Don't be a huge cunt and you'll be fine.

There are threads by controlling mil haters on here and there are also threads by some poor put upon dils. You get both (imo).

For those with boys dreading being a MIL, beware of self fulfilling prophecies.

My mother would passive aggressively moan for years about not having daughters, how "a daughter's a daughter all of her life, a son's a son till he takes a wife".

Then I got married. And we were very nice to her for years but still she persisted with this fallacy and in the end I got sick of her demands and never being satisfied with how I tried to include her in my life. She believed she was being usurped and became a total pain. It was all in her head.

Now we are NC.

I adore my MIL.

You might think that tge reasons are petty, but when they happen time and time again they stop being petty and become a PITA.

My mil was ace, it was my mother who was the problem

Respect your dil and you'll be fine.

Actually yes I do worry. I have seen it drive families apart. My lovely cousin married a bitch. She was sour and had thought that he was a better catch than he was in terms of money because his parents had a big house etc. She was determined to get her "share". She wanted the well-off parents to buy the couple a house and used the two children to manipulate her MiL. My cousin said no to this - not his mother.

My aunt was lovely. Just lovely - and it broke her heart.

15 or so years later the marriage broke up. So I suppose my cousin was glad she didn't get his inheritance.

People don't usually need to vent about lovely MILs online, so you see a very skewed view of MILs on here. I get on very well with my MIL - she's lovely, was a huge help when DS was tiny, visits regularly, we all look forward to seeing her and we're sad to see her leave. I know my mum got on well with her late MIL as well.

Of course there are great DILs and MILs. As I said its some threads ive read in the past for example whereby a MIL bought grandchild its first ever Advent Calendar and the DIL was fuming as she wanted to buy the childs first Advent . Did it really matter? That sort of petty thing.
I hope to one day have a great MIL/DIL relationship

No more than i would read the all the relationship board threads talking about domestic violence and 'dread' a son of mine becoming an abuser.

All the (worried) mothers of sons on MN must be daughter in laws themselves - how do you they get on with their MILs? Better to use that as a guide to the future, rather than hand wringing about so called 'MIL haters' on MN

I am saddened by many of the mil posts on mn there is so little recognition that it's your child's child it' and one day you too will be the mil. Some of the complaints are so petty and mean.

My MiL was lovely, it was her son who was a twat. I miss her since I divorced the bellend.

It does amuse me that all the "potential MIL" stuff is levied at mothers of boys...who was that vile comedian who pretty much invented the "Mother in Law" joke trope? A man. Mums of girls are just as likely to be seen as problematic as mums of boys, just not as much on mumsnet.

Exactly.

The amount of users of Mumsnet vastly outweighs the few MIL threads, so unless you are planning on being a thundercunt, I am sure all will be well.