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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not let a 4 year old win

123 replies

DyslexicScientist · 28/12/2015 06:05

Was playing a board game with s few incldung my 4 yo neice. She was getting upset that I was in the lead, aka winning. I tried to say you can't win everything just do your best. While her mum, my sister, started cheating to get ahead.

I just carried on and won. Neice got upset and I got glaring looks.

Was I bu? Should I of just let her win?

OP posts:
fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 28/12/2015 06:08

Err yes. She is 4?

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 28/12/2015 06:09

She would have been super excited to win..sorry.

Ruthiesj · 28/12/2015 06:12

YANBU as long as it's a game of luck. If it requires skill, I would expect an adult to make some adjustments to allow for a younger child (though not necessarily let them win).

Original poster
DyslexicScientist · 28/12/2015 06:14

Isn't 4 old enough to learn its about taking part that counts? Won't it give her a funny view of the world if she's used to winning everything by cheating and then all of a sudden she stops winning every thing.

What she should you stop cheating to let s Child win?

OP posts:
Original poster
DyslexicScientist · 28/12/2015 06:15

It was mostly a game of luck (dice based) and was age suitable.

OP posts:
fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 28/12/2015 06:17

It's Christmas and she is 4. I wouldn't have used this as a harsh but fair learning opportunity.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 28/12/2015 06:18

Especially not for a child that's not my own daughter.

You did ask.

steakpunararemediumwelldone · 28/12/2015 06:30

YANBU. I have done the same when dd was 4 up. It is old enough to understand the chances of dice. Cheating to win is just tedious as well. Why even play the game.

maybebabybee · 28/12/2015 06:32

Yanbu. She is perfectly old enough to understand she can't win every time. IMO.

Believeitornot · 28/12/2015 06:38

It depends on how gleeful you were. When playing games like this with my ds I talk through the game as we play to encourage him a) to keep trying b) not to be a sore loser and c) not to be a smug winner.

He's 6

I also have a 4 year old. I'd let her win some of the time or not bother playing as she wouldn't have the patience until a bit older. A game of chance would mean little to her and would just annoy her.

I will add I am incredibly competitive - probably because I was taught as you did OP - I don't like losing at all. Some ways this is good but other ways not good.

So I am to teach my children that they can win if they try but not to get angry if they lose at something on occasion

DesertOrDessert · 28/12/2015 06:38

Game of luck, I let the dice decide.
Where up there is skill or speed involved, I "miss" some, or make an exaggerated movement to see if they can get in there first, sometimes.

Playing frustration, which had gone on too long, I deliberately didn't take a piece I could have to get the damm thing finished.

I don't cheet, but do sometimes make bad decisions. Cheating isn't tolerated.

honeysucklejasmine · 28/12/2015 06:39

YANBU. If its not based on skill, I see no reason to allow the child to win each time.

KaraokeQueenOfTheNorth · 28/12/2015 06:39

I'm usually all for not letting kids win, but a 4yr old at christmas, whose mum thinks you should be letting her win? Sorry but I would have let her win under those circumstances.

maybebabybee · 28/12/2015 06:52

Why does the mum get to decide, when everyone is playing?

What if another child were playing too, and their parent also thought said child should win?

Confused
fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 28/12/2015 07:01

They weren't though

Fraggled · 28/12/2015 07:04

YANBU OP.

maybebabybee · 28/12/2015 07:08

Still don't understand why it's up to the child's mother.

Cliffdiver · 28/12/2015 07:12

I don't save for the odd occasion when I want the game to be over quickly so I can sit on the sofa with a cup of tea let DD1 4 win, and she is a gracious winner/loser, even when playing with her peers.

Chopz · 28/12/2015 07:18

I think its fine for you to win as long as she wins too sometimes. Winning every time would be be daft for her or yourself.

Chopz · 28/12/2015 07:19

I really dislike a poor sport though. Is she a particularly competitive child?

GastonsPomPomWrath · 28/12/2015 07:19

Yanbu op

Chopz · 28/12/2015 07:20

I have 4 kids and we all loose and win constantly with no huffing

Mehitabel6 · 28/12/2015 07:22

Of course it isn't up to the child's mother! Some parents think they can control the child's whole environment when they can't.
At 4 yrs old they are old enough to explain that there is no joy in winning if it is just because people have let you win. What would you do when you play the game with 2 4 year olds ?
It does the child no favours if they can't enjoy a game unless they win and it makes them very unpopular with their peers.
If it is a game of skill I don't play to win but I don't deliberately let them win every time. A game of chance is just that, although like Cliffdiver I may well cheat to lose if the game is going on too long. Smile

sashh · 28/12/2015 07:22

I have a weighted die, so if I'm playing a child they get that one and I use a normal one, particularly good for games where you have to get a 6 to start.

Mehitabel6 · 28/12/2015 07:25

As soon as you have more than one child you have major problems if there is only one winner and 4 children playing. Would you let the youngest win or the one that makes the most fuss?! I would leave it to chance or skill and have the fun of playing.

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