To not let a 4 year old win

[DyslexicScientist]

Was playing a board game with s few incldung my 4 yo neice. She was getting upset that I was in the lead, aka winning. I tried to say you can't win everything just do your best. While her mum, my sister, started cheating to get ahead.

I just carried on and won. Neice got upset and I got glaring looks.

Was I bu? Should I of just let her win?

[roundaboutthetown]

Ah, so you cheat in ways that don't always benefit you.

[roundaboutthetown]

And do you pretend you don't know the answer to something, to make yourself seem more like a worthy competitor to a 4-year old?

[ThatsNotMyHouseItIsTooClean]

Of course you have to play to win. 3yo DS was sent to his room twice on Xmas Day as he wasn't playing various games properly. We did play a wide variety of games from Hungry Hippo to Snakes & Ladders to Frustration to Orchard Toys ones so had a mix of skills & luck. I wasn't going to let things slip on Xmas Day as DS is quick to seize on any opportunity to get away with something.

[roundaboutthetown]

In other words, it's how you play that counts, and what you are playing, and you do play differently with young children. No, they shouldn't always win but yes, they should feel like they have a chance.

[Mehitabel6]

In a nutshell roundaboutthetown.
But that doesn't mean they would necessarily win. But I would let them win occasionally. If I have been playing Draughts for 60 more years than they have it gives me an unfair advantage!

[usernamesandgingerbreads]

Yanbu.
My parents did this with dd. End result at four she would try and compete with everything including who got to the front door first and god the massive meltdown if she did not. She is now 13 and an awful loser.

[Mehitabel6]

Maybe easier for you if you don't come from a highly competitive family,MrsDeVere.

[ToddlerTantrums]

Fanjo I have more than 1 nephew shockingly. Anyway back to the point...

[treaclesoda]

When I'm playing with the four year old it has never crossed my mind to let him win. We're usually only playing something like snakes and ladders so he has just as much chance of winning as I have anyway. He knows that sometimes he wins and sometimes I do.

Obviously I wouldn't challenge him to a game of Scrabble or Poker though

[AwfulBeryl]

Oh no I don't think yabu op, it wouldn't occur to me to let a 4 win.
I have twins though so any sort of rigging meant that one of them had to lose any way.
What were you playing?

[roundaboutthetown]

Admit it, you were playing chess.

[cariadlet]

YABU - 4 year olds need to be playing age appropriate games or to be in a team for tricky games, but they don't need to win every time. If they are always allowed to win every game by over indulgent adults then they can't cope when they are playing with friends of the same age and sometimes lose.

My dd always hated losing. My mum and I have both stopped games and refused to carry on playing because we caught her cheating. She would have been even worse if we'd never let her lose. Sometimes she won. Sometimes she lost. She eventually got used to it and it hasn't stopped her wanting to play games.

[BoomBoomsCousin]

I have 7 year old twins. I've never let them win. They are still bad losers. We're working on it.

But from my observations I think it's more of an age/development thing than simply down to experience. Of course that development has to take place at some point when they are ready, but I'm not convinced you'd be ruining a 4 year old for life by letting them win, more likely just ensuring a quiet evening for parents.

[Rivercam]

Ifs it's a game dependent on dice, and as you said, age appropriate, then you did nothing wrong. Not everyone can win.

[AwfulBeryl]

Was it frustration? We had a frustration issue yesterday.

[Mehitabel6]

The one game that I refused to play after the first time was Risk - I sold it. In fact I think I stopped it halfway through.

[ToddlerTantrums]

I can't wait for my kids to be old enough to play monopoly. I love monopoly! Although that was pretty close to causing family feuds when we were young.

[larrygrylls]

You have to let kids win some of the time but not all of it. That way they will learn the pleasure in winning but also dealing with defeat.

Letting them win all the time does not prepare them for life. On the other hand, always making them lose means that they will start to lose motivation to compete.

[AuntieStella]

Not everything is a po-faced learning experience.

This is in relation to someone else's 4 yo, over Christmas. I'd let them win.

(Training my own DC, year round, being a totally different matter).

[BertrandRussell]

"I have 7 year old twins. I've never let them win. They are still bad losers. We're working on it."

I think there may well be a connection between "I've never let them win" and "They are still bad losers" to be honest!

[Sallyhasleftthebuilding]

DD could play and win monopoly at 5 - start teaching them.
I also have twins, and one 2 years older.
All are now oj at losing and its a joy to play.
We have had lots of sore loser moments.
However they do play against the computer which doseent cheat or let them win!!

[TimeToMuskUp]

I think it depends on the child; DCs here (10 and 4) are supremely competitive, it drives me mad. They're also learning to be good losers, though. It's a work in progress. We just laugh and remind them you can't win everything. If I was playing with another person's DC I'd probably let them win, though, because 4 is still very little.

MIL's DP refuses to let our DCs win when they play games; he's fiercely competitive to the point where when they were tiny they'd never play with him because, well, he was just a bit mean. We played Monopoly with him recently and they both thrashed him. The competitive side of me was secretly thrilled because he's a terrifically sore loser and his face was like a smacked backside for hours. (I'm well aware that paragraph makes me a dreadful person.)