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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is this "Ok" social etiquette now? AIBU

189 replies

Weathergames · 20/09/2015 18:28

And a grumpy cow?

OH and I have no kids this weekend (we have 6 between us they are all with their dads mums).

Went for a pub lunch down the road today family pub, not posh. Lots of families in there in the restaurant, big christening party. We were sat next to a couple with a baby, prob 18 months old. Fine (not in the christening party).

Couple fed the baby first and he sat next to their table in a high chair. Their food arrived and they put a mobile phone in front of him and proceeded to eat their food while he watched an episode of Peppa Pig which was clearly audible from our table.

Is this ok? It was REALLY irritating (I hate having the TV on during a meal anyway) and really detracted from our meal and we left as soon as we had finished eating. Just felt it was so inconsiderate of other diners and they should've been interacting with their child.

Or am I just a grumpy cow?

OP posts:
abear · 20/09/2015 18:32

I don't think you were being grumpy- it annoys me too. A whole new set of manners / etiquette need to be adopted surrounding the use of technology in public.

LadyStark · 20/09/2015 18:32

I think sometimes it's a choice between letting them watch a video or them screaming through dinner!

We've done this occasionally but we would always use headphones. I don't think parents not interacting with a child for 10/15 mins is that bad either to be honest.

PurpleDaisies · 20/09/2015 18:32

Yes and no. If the child was quiet and playing happily I don't see anything wrong with using a phone as a toy. It sounds like the volume was on way too loud though and I'd have been annoyed too. Why didn't you just ask them to turn it down a bit?

Original poster
Weathergames · 20/09/2015 18:33

Because we were far too British about it Grin

OP posts:
CwtchesAndCuddles1 · 20/09/2015 18:38

I have experienced this twice recently and on both occasions it was peppa pig!!! IMO it is really bad manners, if you must stick a screen in front of your child then at least turn the volume off!!!

I eat out quite a lot with my kids, ds has autism and was very distracted from his meal by the Peppa Pig episodes.

Original poster
Weathergames · 20/09/2015 18:39

Is there a Peppa Pig App maybe? Confused

Child was quite happy and cheerful - there was really no need.

OP posts:
LooseSeal · 20/09/2015 18:41

If you're complaining about a phone being used to keep a child quite while its parents eat them you are BU.

If you're complaining about the phone being at full volume so you could hear Peppa Pig clearly at your table (why does it always have to be Peppa?) then you are NBU.

Spartans · 20/09/2015 18:41

Yabu. They know their child and may have known the child woildnt sit quietly. You saw a small glimpse of their family life, not enough to make a judgment on.

If it was too loud, you should have asked them to turn it down. Don't get why people don't just speak up, politely, rather than get wound up and moan later.

Original poster
Weathergames · 20/09/2015 18:44

I'm not judging them as a family - I am saying it's rude and inconsiderate in an "adult" environment such as a pub to expect others to put up with listening to a cartoon while we are eating.

OP posts:
OrderofWork · 20/09/2015 18:47

By the standards of what's "normal" in a family pub on Sunday lunchtime, I don't think it's that bad.

It's not something I would have done but my performance parenting attempts to interact with and entertain my children and get them to behave might have been more annoying

Elledouble · 20/09/2015 18:47

I've come across this. We were on a train just after Christmas and there was a couple with children with Peppa friggin' Pig playing out loud on a phone. In the end a man asked them to turn it off, and after that the children were asking for it back on again but the woman (think she was the grandmother) kept saying "no, we can't it's disturbing the man.". With a dirty look at him as though he was the one BU. Twat.

AgentProvocateur · 20/09/2015 18:48

YANBU - it's fucking rude, and it boils my piss. Twice recently on long train journeys, a child has been given a phone/tablet to play on, and the constant electronic beeping nearly drove me demented. Use headphones or turn the volume off. People have go no manners.

In your position, I'd have got up and left and I'd have told the restaurant why.

CwtchesAndCuddles1 · 20/09/2015 18:50

Children are not going to learn the social skills of sitting nicely if parents take the easy option and just stick a screen in front of the child.
We already have a society where people can't sit through a film / concert / wedding without resorting to their phones.

It shouldn't be necessary to ask parents to turn down the volume - but when I asked I got a mouthful of abuse!

MTPurse · 20/09/2015 18:52

Thats nothing compared to what I witnessed yesterday, My Judgy pants were hoiked up so far I had no room to clutch my pearls!

We went to a family eatery (kids play den/pub place) The dc went off to play in the kids place and we sat watching them through the window (huge glass walls) whilst we waited for our food.

Along came a family of three, Mother, daughter 10ish, Son 12ish. They order drinks and sit down opposite us waiting for their food, they all produce iPads and not only play with them but put them on stands so they are stood upright on the table. From the angle I could see the Mum was playing some kind of bingo/casino type game and both the dc put in headphones so I presume they were watching/listening to something.

5 mins later their food arrived and they all sat there and ate with the iPads still upright on the table and earphones still in, one fork in hand and luckily hitting their moths as they could not take their eyes off the screen. Not one word was spoken between that family all the time they were sat there, apart from when Mum asked what they wanted for pudding.

I have honestly never seen anything like it in my life, my dp is the the least judgmental person you could ever meet but even he was gobsmacked by this scene.

Original poster
Weathergames · 20/09/2015 18:53

I did consider asking them to turn it down but I was unsure if I was being petty and pedantic.

OH let's his kids watch films in the car on the 2 1/2 hour journey home and I think he shouldn't always as they have far too much screen time and are crap at amusing themselves. I always remember my sister and I making up loads of games on long car journeys.

OP posts:
usual · 20/09/2015 18:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Weathergames · 20/09/2015 18:57

Problem is - most pubs are family pubs - even the bars round here are.

OP posts:
Wonderwho · 20/09/2015 18:57

We do this with DS, if you had asked me before we had him I would have said we never would. Currently though he has some hearing difficulties and therefore his comprehension and social interaction are not ideal for restaurant situations. He is 20 months but very tall and is taken for a 2.5-3 yr old regularly so people's expectations of him are higher. We go to restaurants to teach him these things but he isn't currently able to last the full hour or hour and a half this can take. We pull the iPad out when he is just starting to get chaotic and use Mr Tumble for him as it is helping with his makaton. Would people rather a screaming child or one sitting quietly? I agree with the noise levels, we have earphones for him. Sometimes you also need to be aware of the circumstances of the child.

Original poster
Weathergames · 20/09/2015 18:57

Sorry not family bars but they accomadate kids.

OP posts:
19lottie82 · 20/09/2015 18:57

I don't think YABU. Parents can provide headphones.

OrderofWork · 20/09/2015 18:58

I used to take books to keep my dc quiet at the table. I was very uncomfortable about it having been raised to think reading at the table was very poor manners, but decided it was preferable to noisy children and struggling to keep them in their seats.

So many parenting decisionsI nvolve the lesser of two evils

angelos02 · 20/09/2015 18:58

YANBU. I am a firm believer that people should be aware of those around them. I shouldn't be able to hear excessive noise from the next table, be it children or a group of adults.

Original poster
Weathergames · 20/09/2015 18:59

Headphones fine - it is not up to me to judge how others parent - just don't interrupt my environment in the process.

OP posts:
ShouldHavenotOf · 20/09/2015 19:00

Using something to keep the child entertained I'd ok, using something loud and disturbing other people with it is bloody ignorant.

PurpleDaisies · 20/09/2015 19:01

In your op you said they should have been "interacting with their child". Have you changed your mind now?