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AIBU?

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Original poster

Is this "Ok" social etiquette now? AIBU

189 replies

Weathergames · 20/09/2015 18:28

And a grumpy cow?

OH and I have no kids this weekend (we have 6 between us they are all with their dads mums).

Went for a pub lunch down the road today family pub, not posh. Lots of families in there in the restaurant, big christening party. We were sat next to a couple with a baby, prob 18 months old. Fine (not in the christening party).

Couple fed the baby first and he sat next to their table in a high chair. Their food arrived and they put a mobile phone in front of him and proceeded to eat their food while he watched an episode of Peppa Pig which was clearly audible from our table.

Is this ok? It was REALLY irritating (I hate having the TV on during a meal anyway) and really detracted from our meal and we left as soon as we had finished eating. Just felt it was so inconsiderate of other diners and they should've been interacting with their child.

Or am I just a grumpy cow?

OP posts:
rollonthesummer · 20/09/2015 20:51

I agree with the majority, tablet fine noise from it not fine

yep-agree with this!

Bakeoffcake · 20/09/2015 20:53

Of course YANBU OP.

I've seen similar selfish behaviour of parents with young DC who think the enjoyment of their meal is much more important than the rest of the people sat in the pub/restaurant Angry

When my dds were young there weren't iPad, mobiles etc, how the heck do you think we all managed? You take a bag full of quiet toys/books and if they don't work take it in turns to occupy your baby.

I know I sound like an old women (I'm 49) but I really do think some of the next generation are bloody selfish.

KERALA1 · 20/09/2015 20:54

Ya totally nu. How on earth are children supposed to learn table manners?! No screens at table end of. Shocking!

Bakeoffcake · 20/09/2015 20:56

Actually it's not just the younger generation, I apologise for my last postGrin

This summer a woman of about 60 was playing fucking Candy Crush on her iPad, in our local pub. We were sitting trying to enjoy a meal but had to contend with Candy Crush at full volume!

RedNailPolish101 · 20/09/2015 20:56

Headphones needed! Would you deal with an adult playing candy crush with the sound on!
Personally think children should be taught we have dinner and chat, if parents were engaging the little person would they need TV??

RedNailPolish101 · 20/09/2015 20:57

Ha ha bake off seemed we posted at the exact time!!! Friggin candy crush sounds

ShebaShimmyShake · 20/09/2015 20:57

Doesn't it depend on the volume of the phone? If it's no louder than a normal private conversation it wouldn't bother me any more than anyone else choosing to watch something on their phone if they're dining alone. I'd prefer it to screaming.

roundtable · 20/09/2015 20:59

My parents didn't take me out for meals when I was very young. Bit until I was about 7 I think.

Was it common to do so then? As not amongst my peers. It's easy to say lack of manners now but I think most people just didn't go out for dinner when their children were babies or toddlers really.

Might be wrong though.

KERALA1 · 20/09/2015 21:00

Exactly red. We didn't have iPads/phones even 8 years ago. You (shock) interact with your dc, teach them manners or stay at home. Ours now 9 and 6 we can eat out as a family properly it's great.

FifteenFortyNine · 20/09/2015 21:04

YABU. I think it's great that the parents have gone out with their kid and found a way of making it enjoyable to themselves and the child. It might just be the only 'break' they get during the week. If the kid was older then I might have said YANBU but at 18 months? YABU.

Bulbasaur · 20/09/2015 21:04

At 18 months old, it's a bit much to ask a baby to sit quietly while the parents eat. You need something to keep them entertained. That said DD is 18 months, and we all eat together when the food comes. Sometimes we order a small fruit cup in advance to keep her quiet and happy. By the time she's done, we're mostly done as well.

I'd imagine if you could hear the episode it should have been turned down though. Baby's ears are sensitive and are able to pick up softer noises than an adults. They can deal with a low volume.

StarOnTheTree · 20/09/2015 21:05

YANBU OP, I absolutely hate the noise from screens and it doesn't matter how loud a pub gets I can still hear them because it's a different kind of noise.

I have friends who do this with their kids and I just don't get it Hmm

Sirzy · 20/09/2015 21:05

I spend all day interacting with ds - because interaction doesn't just take place at a table you know! - sometimes when we are waiting for food he likes to look at his maps on the iPad, or sit and draw or whatever and that is fine. We have a everything away when food comes because for him the eating bit isn't a problem. Ds is also autistic so sometimes needs "switch off time" sometimes so a bit of iPad time or whatever makes the eating out process much more enjoyable for everyone.

RedNailPolish101 · 20/09/2015 21:07

No phones playing songs, videos no no when people are eating - pub pub drunk adults maybe

Im with Kerala! Interact with DC - just talk to them, I have 7 year old peanuts (not my own full time dad boyfriend long complicated story) but when we have been out for lunch we all talk, we engage or have drawing materials in between courses - my lovely boyfriend has done wonders with his peanuts

DixieNormas · 20/09/2015 21:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

hazeyjane · 20/09/2015 21:22

I don't remember going out to eat much as a kid either, and if we went to the pub, we were kicked into the 'children's room' whilst mum and dad got tipsy and drove dangerously home.....aaaah the good ol' days eh?!

Some people would be hoiking their bosom to nose level at ds with his talker and the ipad together!!

Red, I can't help laughing at 'peanuts' - which is what my dds call boy bits.

Bulbasaur · 20/09/2015 21:31

- my lovely boyfriend has done wonders with his peanuts

-snicker-

Grin
Thoughtfulduck · 20/09/2015 21:38

This happened to me last Sunday! The "dodo do dodo dododo do dodo" but echoed across the pub so loudly! I feel ya OP, YA definitely NBU!

It's ok with head phones but full volume, inflicting it on other people is not ok!

Devora · 20/09/2015 21:45

I got taken to the v v expensive Skylon restaurant at the Festival Hall for a special dinner. Now, the food is pretty mediocre there, but the venue and the views are fantastic. Still, the table beside us held a family of tourists who ate their meal while glued to their phones and tablets, headphones on. They didn't lift their heads once to look at the sun setting over the Thames, or to admire the mid century modern architecture. I was Shock, thinking 'Are you made of money - you could just shovel food into your mouth anywhere, for less than half the price!'

Lovesabadboy · 20/09/2015 21:59

I agree with Littlef00t...and I am not being smug. Just telling the truth about what I did with my DDs.

Both daughters are in their late teens now so when we ate out, there were no screens/phones to 'distract' them.

They came out, as part of the family, to learn to eat with the family, to learn by watching the adults, to socialize and learn etiquette from an early age...and yes, accuse me of being smug if you like, but we literally could take them anywhere because it became the norm for them.
Like someone said upthread, if they are reliant on screens now, then how are they going to learn to ever manage without them?

I would take books with me and maybe a little toy and often, of course, they would love to do the colouring provided.
If they did get cranky whilst waiting, then one of us would take them out of the place so we didn't disturb others.

If you do use a phone/ipad/screen to entertain your child - what would you do if they didn't exist - if they had never have been invented?
You would obviously still want to go out to eat all together, so how would you deal with it if there was absolutely no option of giving them something electronic??? Genuine question.

hazeyjane · 20/09/2015 22:11

Well Loves, I can only answer for myself, if Ds didn't have the ipad then one of us would have to leave with him and sit in the car.

The thing is, of course people managed before there were ipads and phones, and some people probably didn't go out for family meals that much because it was more difficult for them. And yes, people have become more reliant on screens and technology for entertainment, but it is not always a bad thing.

My dd's are lovely company when we go out, they will chat and draw and play games, ds just can't cope with the whole thing, but I want to take all my children out, as a family and have the best time we can, and if that means ds playing with the ipad for half the time with his earphones on, then I'm afraid that is what we will do.

Technology is a huge spectrum of Incredibly Useful all the way through to Downright Rubbish with a lot of grey areas in between.

10 years ago ds would not be able to have an electronic device that gives him a voice as programmable and flexible as the talker he has, so i may be a bit biased about the sheer wondrousness of technology!

Original poster
Weathergames · 20/09/2015 22:21

My DS2 has Aspergers and I have never allowed him to do this. Hes 13.

OP posts:
watchingthedetectives · 20/09/2015 22:22

It's not the iPad it's the noise that's v v annoying. Had Thomas the bloody tank engine at full volume in a smartish restaurant at lunch recently.

It's the tinny noise not the technology!

gingerdad · 20/09/2015 22:25

I really hate being in pubs/restaurants where kids are dumped on devices. If you're taking them out for dinner engage with them.

hazeyjane · 20/09/2015 22:27

my post is in response to Lovesabadboy, I have said all along that they should be turned down or used with headphones (apart from ds's talker - that would be crazy!)

I think most people agree that the phone should have been turned down so it wasn't so audible - but there are also posters saying that any technology at the table is a no, no.

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