Is this "Ok" social etiquette now? AIBU

[Weathergames]

And a grumpy cow?

OH and I have no kids this weekend (we have 6 between us they are all with their dads mums).

Went for a pub lunch down the road today family pub, not posh. Lots of families in there in the restaurant, big christening party. We were sat next to a couple with a baby, prob 18 months old. Fine (not in the christening party).

Couple fed the baby first and he sat next to their table in a high chair. Their food arrived and they put a mobile phone in front of him and proceeded to eat their food while he watched an episode of Peppa Pig which was clearly audible from our table.

Is this ok? It was REALLY irritating (I hate having the TV on during a meal anyway) and really detracted from our meal and we left as soon as we had finished eating. Just felt it was so inconsiderate of other diners and they should've been interacting with their child.

Or am I just a grumpy cow?

Fratelli they may well have had a bad day, but that doesn't excuse them behaving inconsiderately towards other people. And why should other people be put into the awkward and annoying position of having to ask them not to behave so rudely?

Wolfing food that's barely tasted while glued to a screen is isolating, habit forming, and probably no good for your digestion either.

That is not what is being talked about here - although obviously people do, do this (and have done since there was a TV in every home) - and I am not saying that woofing food down whislt watching tv or watching an ipad in a restaurant is a good thing, it isn't, and sitting with your family and eating and interacting is something that should be encouraged (apart from when it is eating pizza in front of a film with the kids - this is one of life's great pleasures!)

What gets me is that judginess over the appearance of any screen at the table. So, as an example, we go out for a meal with all 3 dcs, we sit down, ds has his talker out, we look at our menus, make our choices, the dcs do their colouring in, or play the games on their menus, we chat, we play a game. The food arrives, we eat and chat. Ds doesn't eat much, maybe a piece of garlic bread, and his drink, he wants his ice cream now. I explain that we will wait until everyone has finished and have our ice cream together, as he is getting cross and bored of waiting, and we are eating, we let him play his ipad, so he puts his headphones on and plays a game on the ipad. Everyone has finished so we get icecream - the ipad goes away - it might come out later, or it might not - but if you looked over, you would just think, 'oh well, there is the end if communication and interaction as we know it, look at that little boy staring open mouthed at his screen...such a shame..' etc

What the op and a few others are describing, is a screen coming out for a bit of the time you are in a restaurant, not everyone sat in stony silence, staring at their individual screens shovelling food in their mouth holes.

Hazey, I don't mean this in a judgemental way, and forgive me if this is too personal but you brought it up in your last post... what's so bad about your DS being bored for a little while? Seriously, are we not in danger of raising a generation with absolutely no tolerance for boring situations, no impulse control and no abllity to sit quietly without some digital distraction?

Unfortunately he doesn't really understand the having to wait, he is learning, but he is disabled, and can go from calm to banshee in a heartbeat. Out for a nice family meal is not the best time for him to learn that sometimes we just have to wait and be bored - we do try, but we also need to function as a family, doing nice happy family stuff.

I just don't think asking someone to turn something down is awkward at all to be honest. It's no more than a 30 second interaction. I also think that people would rather that than a screaming toddler but maybe not!

I disagree with this whole slant towards 'Why can't you just ask?'

Why can't you just ask if you need a seat?

Why can't you just ask if you want someone to turn their iPad down?

...and so on.

Why should you have to ask people to exercise basic consideration and manners, instead of acting as if they exist in a vacuum?

I get that you do have to ask these days, because people are so bloody oblivious, but that doesn't make it right!

No, Fratelli, people would rather you take your screaming toddler outside until they calm down. Or home.

Of course it's awkward when you're out for a meal, trying to relax, perhaps have a conversation with your DP or a friend to have to ask this - you never know what response you're going to get, especially these days. Also, it's ridiculous to have to ask in the first place - the equivalent of saying "excuse me, but do you mind not being such a thoughtless asshole?"

And yes, I'd far prefer the screaming toddler.

I just don't get all theteh outrage. It's not new. Parents took colouring books to restaurants or Walkmans etc before. People act like distracting your kids so you can have a meal I peace and quiet is new. It's not.

koala are you talking about asking for it to be turned down? Surely because if the parents realised how loud it was and disturbing everyone else, most would have turned it down. Maybe they or the child are hard if hearing?

Why is it such an ordeal to ask?

Fratelli you might not find it awkward, but other people do. And surely the onus should be on people not to behave inconsiderately, not for others to correct them?

Yes, I am. And no, they wouldn't.

Any volume is pretty much 'too loud'. Why not use headphones??

Why is it such an 'ordeal' to use basic manners in a public space?

There is a huge difference between colouring books and a screen.

A screen is a wholly individual mono-task activity. It rivets the user to the extent that they are wholly immersed in a different space, not the one of their immediate surroundings. You can't be on a screen and even peripherally be listening to a conversation.

While colouring, however immersed the child is in the task, they can pipe up if something interests them in the conversation, or answer any question asked to them, look out the window as the police horses go past - in short they are aware of their surroundings.

There is a huge difference between colouring books and a screen.

Well, quite.

And one of the beauties of a colouring book is that it doesn't need volume control.

Screens being used in restaurants with volume audible = rude.

Screens being used in restaurants with no volume audible = not rude and therefore no one else's business.

We use a variety of mechanisms to keep DS entertained at restaurants, particularly on holiday where the meals tend to be longer and later. So that might be colouring in, playing interminable games of UNO or this years favourite - Cheat ( DS tended to win the more wine we drunk), or at some point it will be playing on the I-pad.

DS doesn't appear to be a slack-jawed, manner-free zombie, although it is hard to tell at times.

I am surprised about people complaining about noise on trains though. Unless you're in the silent carriage of a train you'd expect some noise surely, last trip I had an unpleasant older man swearing profusely at his wife on the phone for at least 10 minutes about the lack of buffet cart post Carlisle whilst several children were in earshot. Much rather have heard a few episodes of Peppa Pig whose demise was mourned by the adults at least in this household.

I use my phone as a baby sitter for ds when we go out to eat and are waiting for the food. I don't really care what people at the next table think about that. Judge away.

I take you turn the volume down though DancingDinosaur?

Volume up or down, Dancing? And if up, what do you do when people ask you to turn it off?

I just don't think asking someone to turn something down is awkward at all to be honest. It's no more than a 30 second interaction

Except that the few times I have asked, people have been rude about it back. Unpleasant atmosphere follows. People who are inconsiderate enough to need to be asked are more likely to be arses when asked to turn it down I'd have thought.

'Why should you have to ask people to exercise basic consideration and manners, instead of acting as if they exist in a vacuum?'

Very much agree. More and more people seem to behave as if they are constantly in their own front room, rather than in a public space which they are supposed to be sharing with other people. It's what Lynne Truss described as 'my bubble, my rules' in her book 'Talk to the Hand'

As other posters have said, this used to be basic stuff. Eating together round the table, interacting with your children, bringing a bag of toys /books to keep them entertained, maybe even saying 'no' occasionally instead of handing over everything they want the second they want it. Lots of children are more or less permanently glued to screens - I work with young children and when I ask their parents what they like to play with, 9 times out of 10 the first thing they say is some sort of screen (iPad, tablet, computer, my phone, laptop, sometimes the telly!). It's extremely worrying and has a huge impact on their ability to pay attention, listen, wait, play and explore their environment, which in turn can affect their language skills.

Using screens with the sound on in public seems to be becoming more popular - I have had to ask parents to turn the sound off when they're sitting in the waiting area where I work. I've also asked adults on the bus to turn the sound off their phones and I've never had any grief for it yet - maybe I've just been lucky so far! It's like people are just doing it thoughtlessly, rather than doing it be antagonistic. It's still shockingly rude and inconsiderate to expect everyone around you to listen to your noise. I can't believe posters on here think its ok.

I like Peppa Pig

I've just loaded The Prodigy onto my phone to counter any Peppa instances.

I wonder if there is a thread somewhere about me and DS yesterday.

He'd played football all morning - did a deal with him that he could have a snack at local cafe if he also did the last bits of his homework.

So he did his homework, I ordered lunch then allowed him to play minecraft (with headphones on) whilst I got out my netbook and did some work. To anyone else we would be two people completely ignoring each other tapping away at tablets.

{Joins Dinosaur on the judging bench}

'I've just loaded The Prodigy onto my phone to counter any Peppa instances.'

Please report back if you're ever brave enough to put it into action