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Original poster

Is this "Ok" social etiquette now? AIBU

189 replies

Weathergames · 20/09/2015 18:28

And a grumpy cow?

OH and I have no kids this weekend (we have 6 between us they are all with their dads mums).

Went for a pub lunch down the road today family pub, not posh. Lots of families in there in the restaurant, big christening party. We were sat next to a couple with a baby, prob 18 months old. Fine (not in the christening party).

Couple fed the baby first and he sat next to their table in a high chair. Their food arrived and they put a mobile phone in front of him and proceeded to eat their food while he watched an episode of Peppa Pig which was clearly audible from our table.

Is this ok? It was REALLY irritating (I hate having the TV on during a meal anyway) and really detracted from our meal and we left as soon as we had finished eating. Just felt it was so inconsiderate of other diners and they should've been interacting with their child.

Or am I just a grumpy cow?

OP posts:
MakeItACider · 20/09/2015 22:35

We used to eat out a lot, still do compared to others I guess.

We usually took DS1 and now both DS1 and DS2 with us. They would sit and join in, we would chat to them and entertain them/be entertained by them, but we were often also joined by others and would like to chat to them too, and didn't particularly want to leave in under an hour. So in the early days we would have colouring in books and sticker books with us, and nowadays it's the IPad either turned down low/sound off or with headphones. After dinner and pudding, the DSs would hunker down and watch some shows on the IPad. At our local pub no one has complained, the table next to us have frequently expressed surprised when they finally noticed our DSs sitting in the corner so I know they weren't disturbed by it. (We try for an edge/corner table).

I still have a bag with colouring in books, sticker books and colour pencils in it as an emergency grab bag though!

Why should the DC be sat there for ages with nothing to do? It doesn't matter how much we talked to them, sitting there for a few hours would bore them to tears.

Why are people treating this like an either/or situation? More often than not it's a combination of both - the meal time spent talking and interacting, and the parents then loiter and chat while the DC get out their devices.

laundryeverywhere · 20/09/2015 22:46

Why does everyone seem to hate Peppa pig. I love a bit of Peppa.

I'd rather be in a fun, family environment with talking and some background music and people free to entertain their dc with a cartoon, as long as it is not annoyingly loud.

horseygeorgie · 20/09/2015 22:56

YADNBU. I hate this. I don't care if it is judgey of me. Children need to learn how to behave and interact in a situation like this, it is an important part of social development. My DD (4) has always been taken out for lunch and dinner all through her life. I provide toys, we take books to quietly look at and we talk. Yes she has had foul moments, but if she does, we leave. It is, and always has been, none negotiable. She is a delight to take to dinner now and is better behaved than some adults!

If that makes me a smug parent I couldn't care less! IMHO there is far too much reliance on screens and technology these days.

gandalf456 · 20/09/2015 23:05

I understand some of the points re volume but get the vibe it's more about screens. To me, a screen is just a medium. Some apps are educational and you can read books on Ipads . In a way, it saves lugging other stuff around. I don't actually mind Peppa as it can be funny and often has a message. I hate Peppa's voice and the music, though!

I also think we, as a generation, are obsessed with interacting with our children. Sometimes they have to learn to sit and be quiet and not need Mum and Dad to sit and entertain them all the time even when they're trying to eat! I think that's a worse message than shoving them in front of a screen

StarOnTheTree · 20/09/2015 23:06

I think some people's 'turned down low' isn't low enough. The only way is silent IMO.

CassieBearRawr · 20/09/2015 23:17

YANBU. But somewhere along the way this tablet thing seemed to become widely done. Fucking hate it. I don't want to be subjected to an hour or so of fucking Mickey Mouse playhouse or whatever when I'm dining out.

ChipsandGuac · 20/09/2015 23:18

I think some people forget the iPad was only invented 5 years ago. So, every parent of a child older than 5 can easily remember entertaining our kids in restaurants without the aid of a plug in device. I still have a no screen rule at the table, be it in our home, at McDonald's or at a naice restaurant. It's basic manners. Very basic.

YorkGirl2015 · 20/09/2015 23:27

I'm sorry but this is why we never go out. My son is severely autistic & has learning difficulties. If we take him out his "meal" is finished in 5 minutes (we take our own because he can't eat solids). Unfortunately this tends to be finished long before our food is served & he would have a melt down if we didn't leave immediately, unless he had something to occupy him. The iPad gives us some extra time. Stop judging. You're in a family friendly pub. I think you'd rather have Pepoa Pig than a full on melt down. That would seriously disturb your meal. Take your pick. I'd personally have taken advantage of a child free time to go to an adult oriented place where I wouldn't have had to worry myself about other peoples parenting

TinklyLittleLaugh · 20/09/2015 23:39

I also think we, as a generation, are obsessed with interacting with our children.

Sorry Gandalf but I think you are totally wrong. Obsessed with sticking kids in front of a screen more like.

I have four kids, between 21 and 9. We have always eaten out as a family. We have never taken screens and we don't have screens when we are eating at home either. We talk to each other.

Lovesabadboy · 20/09/2015 23:48

Chips Horsey and Bakeoff* ... I'm with you.
Sadly - this has become, and will stay, the norm now and the rest of us will be made to feel that we are being judgey.
I do feel very strongly about this, I'm afraid, because I know that it can be done another way and families have eaten out together for decades without relying on electronic 'entertainment'

The least parents can do, if they must entertain their children in this way, is to ensure that the rest of the eating establishment is not 'entertained' by the racket too.

It is all about consideration for others and basic decent manners.

rollonthesummer · 21/09/2015 00:31

I think some people forget the iPad was only invented 5 years ago. So, every parent of a child older than 5 can easily remember entertaining our kids in restaurants without the aid of a plug in device.

We used to take our kids out with their Nintendo DS 10 years ago though...!

ChipsandGuac · 21/09/2015 05:11

Im so mean, I didn't let the DS at the table either. Although, let's face it, a kid playing a silent game of Mario Kart is not the same as a toddler blaring out Pippa Pig for the whole restaurant to 'enjoy'.

DowntownFunk · 21/09/2015 05:30

It's ok if the volume is low, lower than the usual restaurant noise. I'd rather the child at the next table was happily occupied than screaming blue murder.

What you describe would mean me asking for a new table (and I have done in the past). YANBU

HearTheThunderRoar · 21/09/2015 06:16

Do restaurants not bring out colouring in bits of paper anymore? They did that when DD was small (10-15 years ago) and that always kept her entertained until food was served but she also liked to chatter with us too.

Tbh I also dread to imagine what some parents would do if the iPad was not invented.

WorldsBiggestGrotbag · 21/09/2015 06:24

We only take DD (22 months) to places with play areas to eat as she won't sit still and quiet for a whole meal. Is that better or worse than taking an iPad? We're still not interacting with her particularly, just letting her run around and play (obviously supervised) while we grab a bite to eat.
If we want a nice, quiet child free meal we definitely wouldn't go to a 'family friendly' pub.

ChilliAndMint · 21/09/2015 06:44

YANBU, it is more irritating to listen to back to back episodes of Peppa Pig than to hear a toddler throw the odd trop.

Furthermore it is not teaching the child that they must learn to conform to social etiquette. I've seen much older children glued to their tablets ,not even engaging in conversation with other children, let alone adults.

HeteronormativeHaybales · 21/09/2015 07:00

I'm not hugely keen on screens of any kind at the table. The actual issue here, though, is the sound. At some point over the last few years it appears to have become acceptable for people to walk around, sit on public transport or in restaurants etc with music/films/cartoons/whatever playing without headphones. I hate, hate, hate it. It's taking up space via sound - no better than, and no different from, those awful men who sit with legs wide apart on the tube and squash their more often than not female neighbour into a tiny bit of the seat. It's as bad manners as rthe olfactory infringement onto other people's space of smoking, and that has now been banned indoors. I always say something when people do this, and have been met by a few surprised and a couple of aggressive reactions.

I'd much rather have a child making a bit of a noise at the next table and perhaps, shock horror, even moving around a bit than have to put up with the noise of some device while I eat.

SoupDragon · 21/09/2015 07:03

Sometimes they have to learn to sit and be quiet and not need Mum and Dad to sit and entertain them all the time even when they're trying to eat!

Absolutely.

I think, in general, we have created a whole generation incapable of doing nothing. It started with the child entertainment packs in restaurants.

SoupDragon · 21/09/2015 07:05

Tbh I also dread to imagine what some parents would do if the iPad was not invented.

Exactly the same things they used to do before it was invented. Walk about with a bag stuffed with toys and colouring stuff.

Lilipot15 · 21/09/2015 07:07

Haven't read the whole thread but we have used Peppa to entertain a toddler....volume turned right down. Followed by us reflecting between us that we needed to be more careful about where we ate with a toddler with regards to the speed the food comes out at and general atmosphere....books and crayons had already been tried but the food was slow.
There comes a point when you realise that the times of being able to easily take a small baby along for an adult meal and they can feed and sleep are well past and you change where you eat.

I admit that in the past I have judged parents using screens in public areas to entertain but that was when the whole family arrived and then didn't talk at all - set up the toddler with a DVD and then sat glued to their own phones!

The alternative to Peppa might have been what my toddler loves to do which is identify someone (usually a couple without children) and loudly point and shout hello through the meal - this might also have been irritating for you!

Greebosmum · 21/09/2015 07:11

I am now an oldish lady and when my children were young we took colouring books etc to amuse them if we went for a meal.

The only thing that is slightly unreasonable really is that you went to a family pub and don't like the fact that families were there being noisy.

I don't want to eat with noisy children, even though I am a devoted granny. When DH and I go out to eat alone we go to places that are unsuitable for children. If we go to a family pub we expect noise and unpleasantness!

SoupDragon · 21/09/2015 07:12

Some people seem to think that playing with toys, reading or colouring in in somehow more worthy when done with physical toys/books/paper. It isn't.

If you are bringing stuff along to entertain your child, you are no better than someone who uses a screen to entertain their child.

The only issue is whether you are preventing your child from annoying other diners. The cause of that annoyance is irrelevant.

var123 · 21/09/2015 07:15

YANBU

We used to play episodes of Teletubbies on flights to keep our children seated and still on the plane. Personally, I found the noise plain annoying but it was easier than continually picking toys off the floor. One day, the man in front gently complained to us about it and I realised how selfish we were being. So I turned it off and looked after my children the hard way from then on.

rollonthesummer · 21/09/2015 07:45

Headphones would have solved that problem completely though!

DrSausagedog · 21/09/2015 08:00

I think it was ok to use the iPad, but it should have been at minimal volume so as not to disturb others.

Generally speaking, I tend to expect lots of families and potential noise when eating out in the daytime, but if we go out in the evening would expect it to be pretty quiet with young DC left at home. That's why we leave DC with babysitters in evenings to go out for meals undisturbed and can chat.