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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to try for a baby now

114 replies

talentedmrsripley · 12/08/2015 11:26

Even though I wouldn't qualify for the full maternity package at work?

We are keen to start as soon as possible but my friends think I'm mad!

What do you think?

OP posts:

formerbabe · 12/08/2015 11:29

How old are you?

Original poster

talentedmrsripley · 12/08/2015 11:30

OP posts:

NerrSnerr · 12/08/2015 11:30

It depends if you can afford it or not. I chose to take a full year maternity but would have only been able to do that with the full package.

If you've done the sums and it will work then go for it.

Dynomite · 12/08/2015 11:44

You're quite young, you have plenty of time ahead of you. If I were you, I'd wait to qualify for the full package. I think it would be the more rational choice.

AuntyMag10 · 12/08/2015 11:47

You're only 24 what's the rush. I think the more responsible choice would be to wait for the full package.

mayaknew · 12/08/2015 11:48

I can kind of see both sides of this . I considered trying for a baby when I wouldn't qualify for mat pay . I decided to wait and ended up with a nightmare 7 year age gap . I wish I'd just done it . But then I already had dc1 to consider .

So my question would be - do you have any dcs ? And what difference would it make waiting or doing it now ?

Totality22 · 12/08/2015 11:51

How long will you have to wait to qualify and what is the difference between what you would get if you conceived tomorrow and what the "full maternity package" is?

ImperialBlether · 12/08/2015 11:53

I remember feeling, as a woman in my mid twenties, that if I didn't have a child right this minute that I didn't know what I'd do with myself.

I read an article by Irma Kurtz in Cosmopolitan saying that the problem is that these feelings can come at any time - with her it came immediately after her child was born. There's no logic to them; presumably they are hormone surges. Just because you have a baby, it won't stop that primeval longing for another child, even if it's really an unsuitable time.

I think you should think logically before you plan to have a baby. Can you support the baby financially? Will you get maternity leave? (Clearly you won't - can't you see that's a really bad idea?) Are you in a really stable relationship? (I wouldn't advise a woman to have a baby and give up work or go part-time if she's not married.) Do you have a stable home? Will you have support nearby?

I know it's romantic to say "fuck it" and go ahead and get pregnant. You could regret that very quickly.

Christelle2207 · 12/08/2015 11:58

If it's a case of waiting a few months I would. You're very young.

Christelle2207 · 12/08/2015 11:59

Sorry did not mean to imply you're "too" young but at your age there should certainly be no need to rush.

TooOldForGlitter · 12/08/2015 12:00

Based on the thread you started about your controlling, financially abusive husband I'd really question why you think bringing a baby into that is a good idea.

Spilose · 12/08/2015 12:00

How long would it take to get the full package? If more then 2 years I'd go ahead but if bit of just wait.

Original poster

talentedmrsripley · 12/08/2015 12:03

I get maternity leave just not fully paid (only SMP) as I recently started my job. Of course we could support the baby!

OP posts:

hhhhhhh · 12/08/2015 12:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SaucyJack · 12/08/2015 12:07

Do you want the working or middle class answer?

Original poster

talentedmrsripley · 12/08/2015 12:08

Lol saucy

OP posts:

Spartans · 12/08/2015 12:15

I wouldn't. You are young a year or so isn't long to wait.

If you haven't been there long enough to get the maternity package, then you are likely to also be in precarious situation regarding being let go. I know it's illegal to sack a woman for being pregnant, but it happens. When you have been there longer (I think it's 2 years) then it's harder for them to get rid of you.

Personally I wouldn't put myself in a position of being financially independent on my dh, especially if the relationship is rocky.

I appreciate many women do and are happy with it, but it's not for me.

Spartans · 12/08/2015 12:16

Financially dependent

NerrSnerr · 12/08/2015 12:17

For us it wasn't supporting the baby that would have been the issue (until she goes to nursery she isn't costing us very much) it's the day to day bills. We can just about pay the mortgage and bills on maternity leave, but couldn't have taken as much time off without the full package.

I read your other thread. Would your husband be ok with you spending money when on maternity leave, meeting friends for coffee etc? The fact you were asking about whether it's ok to lie to him because of how he would react suggests that it might not be the right time for a baby.

featherandblack · 12/08/2015 12:21

Depends on you overall circumstances and how many children you want. Mumsnet users tend to have done education first and babies afterwards - never seen a woman in her twenties encouraged to have children here.

LaurieMarlow · 12/08/2015 12:22

Wait for the full package. It will make your maternity leave so much easier and less stressful.

Original poster

talentedmrsripley · 12/08/2015 12:22

I've got a degree and a professional job. Most people graduate at 21 don't they?

OP posts:

MrsGentlyBenevolent · 12/08/2015 12:30

I think your age is irrelevant. I'd make sure you can financially do it though, whether wait until you qualify for full mat coverage, or save up. I'm saying this as someone who was made redundant 3 months into pregnancy and has to rely completely on my partner (who is not controlling, but doesn't earn a lot either so hate asking for anything). Being pregnant and having money worries/issues is not the best way of starting a new family, as enthralling as the idea may seem now.

Spartans · 12/08/2015 12:30

You have a degree and a professional full time job? I would definitley wait, establish yourself in your profession and then have a baby. Makes the cater a little eaiser to go back to.

Spartans · 12/08/2015 12:31

What is classed as a 'professional job'?

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