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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to try for a baby now

114 replies

talentedmrsripley · 12/08/2015 11:26

Even though I wouldn't qualify for the full maternity package at work?

We are keen to start as soon as possible but my friends think I'm mad!

What do you think?

OP posts:
UrethraFranklin1 · 12/08/2015 12:32

You shouldn't try for a baby because your partner is a dick. Stay in the job.

Theycallmemellowjello · 12/08/2015 12:32

Agree with tooold - your thread yesterday makes me worry about you having a baby and (especially) becoming financially dependent on your DH.

Theycallmemellowjello · 12/08/2015 12:34

Also, these friends of yours who think you're mad, what is their reasoning? Do you think they might be on to something?

NerrSnerr · 12/08/2015 12:34

Is there any chance you're considering having a baby to try and save your relationship? If so then don't do it. From your other thread he sounds like an arsehole.

Spartans · 12/08/2015 12:38

If what the others are saying is true and your DH is indeed a dick you would be very unreasonable.

Don't you want to rent your house out for 2 months to make extra cash too?

I can see why your friends think you are mad

Moojay · 12/08/2015 12:40

What puts up the red flags for me, is that last night you were asking on whether to lie to your husband about going out to meet a friend that he Disapproves of.
Now, this morning, you are asking about having a baby. Hmm Is this something your DH has brought up since you mentioned going out with your friend at all?
Be very wary that this isn't a way of controlling you.
" You can't go and meet suchandsuch because you're pregnant with my child and I have the right to know its safe' etc.

ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight · 12/08/2015 12:41

Don't have a baby with him full stop

AuntyMag10 · 12/08/2015 12:43

Given your thread yesterday it would be very irresponsible to bring a child into that. And what's the rush at 24 to have a child?

AboutTimeIChangedMyNameAgain · 12/08/2015 12:44

A baby is not a sticking plaster.

AboutTimeIChangedMyNameAgain · 12/08/2015 12:48

He doesn't like you spending money and yet you don't want to wait for maternity pay?

How will you being on maternity leave work in terms of money? Will he resent you going out for a coffee with your newborn? Meeting friends? Paying to go to baby groups? What standards don't you always meet? Will he expect a spotless house despite you spending all day caring for a baby?

Original poster
talentedmrsripley · 12/08/2015 12:52

I'm not renting my house out? What?

Professional job - I need a degree to do it. Nothing major but I've finished my education.

No problems in my relationship, my husband just doesn't like one of my friends much.

OP posts:
MrsFrankRicard · 12/08/2015 12:52

I was kind of you, I got pregnant at 24 and missed the good maternity package with my company by a few months, it was a sickener. The pregnancy was not exactly planned though, the timing wasn't great for a couple of reasons. However, obviously we made it work and DS1 was totally worth it.

acquiescence · 12/08/2015 12:56

Depends what the full package is and if it is much difference. For example, NHS/ civil service packages are much more generous than most small companies in the private sector.

And depends on your partners income etc?

AboutTimeIChangedMyNameAgain · 12/08/2015 12:59

Him not liking you going out in the evening, spending money and not meeting his expected standard of behaviour are a bit more than him 'not liking one of your friends much'.

NerrSnerr · 12/08/2015 13:02

I was just going to post what about time said. The fact that you had to ask of it's ok to lie to him about going for a coffee suggests that all isn't ok doesn't it?

FlowersAndShit · 12/08/2015 13:04

Nothing anyone says matters because you're going to do it anyway. And people tell me i'm selfish for considering using a sperm donor to have a child.

Original poster
talentedmrsripley · 12/08/2015 13:04

I didn't lie in the end and it's just an issue with the friend. He gets a bit funny about spending money on taxis as they are so expensive so a couple of times with this friend i've got back late and rang him to pick me up.

OP posts:
Original poster
talentedmrsripley · 12/08/2015 13:05

Where did that come from flowers? Confused

Where did I say I was going to TTC?
Where did I call you selfish?

OP posts:
Theycallmemellowjello · 12/08/2015 13:08

Sorry, OP, I understand it must be frustrating to hear this, but what you have written does raise alarm bells for me about your DH.

But in any case, I think that as you have friends who are familiar with you and your situation, it might be best for you to talk this over with them if you want opinions. You say they think you're mad - why not try to get them to be frank about why this is. Then at least you'll be able to make a fully informed and considered judgment.

Original poster
talentedmrsripley · 12/08/2015 13:09

Thanks. It's just because I'm missing out on the maternity pay.

OP posts:
AboutTimeIChangedMyNameAgain · 12/08/2015 13:12

You're now playing down exactly what you started a thread about yesterday.

Spartans · 12/08/2015 13:13

I'm not renting my house out? What?

Sorry, wrong person.

Although I did see the thread about not telling dh. You said he wasnt abusive but could be controlling.

My concern would be that, that may get worse when you are pg and you will be financially independent on him.

Its not a situation I would put myself in.

scatterthenuns · 12/08/2015 13:14

I was wondering the same thing at 24. Had the degrees in the back pocket and was 2 years into the career.

Glad I waited. I am a lot more professionally established, got the full package, and have more cash in my pocket now to support a child.\

AboutTimeIChangedMyNameAgain · 12/08/2015 13:17

But why is you getting back late and getting him to pick you up an issue? It shouldn't be, at all. The fact that you considered lying is a massive issue.

You are allowed to do these things within a relationship you know, go out, have a drink, see friends.

You DH sounds controlling, are you scared of him? Don't forget that being pregnant is an incredibly vulnerable time, if a relationship becomes abusive, it's often when a woman is pregnant.

BertieBotts · 12/08/2015 13:20

You sound like me in a past life a few years ago :(

Please don't. Honestly if I could go back.

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