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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To take my kids home (bizarre situation)

351 replies

BaleandWhale · 10/08/2015 13:57

DC were at their dads. Due home at 5pm today.

I was in town doing some shopping and heard a kid crying from the other side of the shop which sounded like DD. Went to look and found all three DC with a woman I've never seen before dragging DD by her hand out of the shop Hmm

Obviously I stopped her and said WTF are you doing and who the hell are you.

Turns out she is the best mate of ex's girlfriend. Ex had to work so left kids with his partner. Partner decided to take them to town with her mate. Partner then went to get her hair blow dried at one of those pop up blow dry places and left DC with her mate. Youngest DC (5) was upset and refused to leave the shop. Big department store so she had managed to get her three floors down during the tantrum.

DD asked to come home with me and then the other two said they wanted to as well. The woman starts saying I couldn't take them as she didn't know who I was. Oldest is 11 and clearly saying that's my mum!

Anyway I took them as they are due home soon anyway.

EX has just phoned and gone ballistic that I had no right to take them and partner is frantic about it.

AIBU to take them home with me?

OP posts:
Tuskerfull · 10/08/2015 14:00

I can see why it would be deeply unsettling to find your children in the care of a stranger. But would you really never allow someone to babysit, especially for 20 minutes, until you had introduced them to your ex and made sure it was okay with him?

laffymeal · 10/08/2015 14:00

That's horrible. YANBU. I would be reconsidering his future access be reduced to zero or supervised.

PegsPigs · 10/08/2015 14:00

No. I'd have done the same and at the time sod the consequences. They were supposed to be spending time with their dad not some random they clearly didn't want to be with. If they aren't spending quality time with their dad they should be spending time with their mum. YANBU.

BlueBananas · 10/08/2015 14:00

God no YADNBU!
I'd be taking then whether they wanted to come with me or not, can't believe your ex thought it acceptable to level them with a bloody stranger!
I'd be reconsidering whether I could trust my ex to have unsupervised access after this tbh

Katie2001 · 10/08/2015 14:01

No you are NBU. You found your children in town with someone you didn't know, and someone who presumably your Ex didn't particularly know either? Completely unacceptable.

pumapants · 10/08/2015 14:01

I would have taken them too. How bizarre that you happened to be in the same place! I probably would have sent ex a text to say you had them now and were taking them home as they were hardly having quality time with him...

BlueBananas · 10/08/2015 14:01

Leave* not level

Original poster
BaleandWhale · 10/08/2015 14:03

I trust the partner with DC as ex (usually) has good judgement and she is fine with them. Not some random mate who clearly has no idea how to look after kids!

OP posts:
HoggleHoggle · 10/08/2015 14:03

I would have wanted to do the same, and probably would have done.

Did you text/ring your ex to let him know you'd got the children? I would have done that out of courtesy - unless there is a huge back story it doesn't seem to be that he's done anything overly wrong, he had to work and left them with his partner.

I would however speak to him about the children being left with someone they'd presumably never met though, I don't think that's fair especially not when little.

GiddyOnZackHunt · 10/08/2015 14:04

Yanbu. Walking away leaving a distressed child to be dragged around a shop by someone she doesn't know would be unreasonable.

mommy2ash · 10/08/2015 14:05

I would have rang him and explained the kids wanted to leave let the gfs friend speak to him too and left with everyone aware of the situation and kids calmed down

CheeseandGherkins · 10/08/2015 14:07

Yanbu! Can't believe he had the cheek to have a go at you!

iamanintrovert · 10/08/2015 14:08

You were being very reasonable. They were not in his care at all at that point in time. He'd left them with his GF, who then decided to leave them with someone else, so it's not the same as if they had been left with a prearranged babysitter.

Ultimately as a parent you have to do what's best for your kids, and I think that in the situation you describe, it was much better for them to be with their mum than with an unrelated person who really didn't seem to be getting along that well with them anyway.

StillStayingClassySanDiego · 10/08/2015 14:10

I'd have taken my children home from someone who I didn't know.

Bollocks to him going ballistic, what reaction would he have experienced had he encountered the same thing?

NoMontagues · 10/08/2015 14:11

I hate to say it because you seem to trust your ex's DP, but the fault lies with her really.

It's fine for an established partner to look after DC while they are with the non-resident parent, IMO. But she shouldn't have subbed out the babysitting to a mate, especially for something non-urgent like a blow-dry.

Your ex will have to make this clear to her for future reference.

ProcrastinatorGeneral · 10/08/2015 14:12

Has your ex been lied to by the girlfriend? As I can't see any sane parent objecting to the way you solved the situation you described.

Itllbefiiiiiiiiine · 10/08/2015 14:12

That is really not ok! I'd have taken my kids back too, and I would have gone ballistic at my ex.

Totally wrong of them.

PoppyFleur · 10/08/2015 14:13

No YWNBU I would have done the same and text ex to state what had happened.

I would calmly ask your ex what he would do if he found himself in the same set of circumstances? I certainly can't believe that any parent would walk away if they found their child crying in the company of a stranger.

CaptainHolt · 10/08/2015 14:16

Almost the exact same thing happened to me (from the other side) when I was a teenager. I'd been out with this guy, who I thought to be terribly sophisticated and worldly (I must have been about 17/18 and he was maybe 22/23) and on approx our 3rd 'date' he rocks up with his toddler dcs, who I knew existed but didn't really expect to meet. If I'd had any sense then I'd have buggered off and let him have the day with his dcs, but I didn't have any sense and was anxious not to seem like a kid Hmm so we go off to McDonalds and he leaves me with the 2 kids and a buggy while he goes and buys the food. It was instant carnage because they were badly behaved (and only 2 and 3ish) and I had never had anything to do with toddlers since I was one so they fought and leapt about on the tables for a minute or two until a, in my mind, total stranger turns up and starts yelling at them. At first I thought she was a stranger to the dcs too and was disciplining them in an 'interfering' way so I wade in and she bollocks me for being a twat and says she is taking the dcs and I am terrified that she is a crazy kidnapper. Eventually their Dad comes back and the whole awkward mess gets sorted out so whilst I don't think yabu, I would have been frantic too. It was over 25 years ago and is still seared into my brain.

Twowrongsdontmakearight · 10/08/2015 14:16

YADNBU. DC were supposed to be with their father not a stranger. If he had to work then he should have rung you. IMO the person who comes out worst is the gf! Left kids that were in her care to get her bloody hair dried! Vain trollop!!

Purplepoodle · 10/08/2015 14:17

I would have escorted children and ex gf mate to where gf was getting her hair done and told her in person what had happened and that I was taking them home. I think Yabu just have walked off with them and not even contacted gf.

Trapper · 10/08/2015 14:21

I would have done the same thing. I do feel sorry for the woman who was trying to look after them though. It must have been a pretty rough experience for her.

middlings · 10/08/2015 14:26

I'd say the GF was "frantic" as she knew she was an idiot for leaving them with her friend. Presumably her friend told her what had happened and there was no need, therefore, to be frantic.

Oh and YADNBU. No way would I leave either of mine screaming with someone I didn't know!

ARealPipperoo · 10/08/2015 14:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

mmgirish · 10/08/2015 14:36

Omg! I would have been furious if I were you! I can't believe he had the cheek to go ballistic at you and not his gf who left his kids with an unfamiliar adult!