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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To wonder why some people die early

126 replies

pinktrufflechoc · 02/08/2015 13:02

It does seem to be the case that so many people are totally and completely healthy and then they die and are not often when they're quite young.

Yet really frail people who you'd almost expect to die sooner live well into their 90s.

I dunno. It's weird isn't it?

OP posts:

Newtobecomingamum · 02/08/2015 13:05

It is... I have a grandma who is 94 and great uncle who is 91 and both still going strong! Yet some poor babies, children and young adults die early...
I suppose it's just life :(
Try not to over think about it as it can make you feel down.

Original poster

pinktrufflechoc · 02/08/2015 13:07

I know, but when there's illness I can understand it. Not like it - you know? But understand oh, she had cancer, he was hit by a car.

It's people who are just so perfectly healthy and alive but it's like it was just their time.

OP posts:

LilyMayViolet · 02/08/2015 13:08

It's very difficult to rationalise, you can't really can you. Its a lot like fertility, some can conceive easily and may not even want to, others can't have any children at all and are desperate to be parents. It can seem very cruel.

Soundofsettling · 02/08/2015 13:09

In the gentlest way, I think you just notice more when it's someone "abnormally" young, or closer to your age when they die. I think we also have a wider access social network than ten years ago say - so people who are acquaintances of acquaintances you here about, when previously you wouldn't have.

People are living longer more generally, but statistically there are no more younger deaths.

Original poster

pinktrufflechoc · 02/08/2015 13:10

I know; I haven't got a scientific mind either so i don't understand the literal 'well this happened' stuff.

Just can't get my head round it!

OP posts:

The80sweregreat · 02/08/2015 13:10

No idea. My dad is 93 and he questions himself why he is still here! Bless him. Lucky to have good health.
My brothers very dear friend died at 63 this year and someone dh and i knew died last year, same age.
No rhyme or reason to life. Hard though sometimes. It does seem unfair.

Soundofsettling · 02/08/2015 13:10

That brings little comfort, i'm so sorry for your loss.

Original poster

pinktrufflechoc · 02/08/2015 13:11

I know what you mean sound; I think it just hits me sometimes when I see dates of birth and some people born in the 19-teens and 20s are alive and well but others much younger aren't.

OP posts:

juneau · 02/08/2015 13:14

It's people who are just so perfectly healthy and alive but it's like it was just their time.

Sorry, but that's nonsense - healthy people don't just drop dead for no reason. They die because they had something wrong that they didn't know about, like an undiagnosed heart problem, or they have a brain aneurism, which is basically there all along, ready to fell you without warning. With small children there is SIDS, meningitis, leukemia, etc. Sudden death is shocking and horrible and people feel polezed, because they weren't prepared for such an awful event to happen, but that doesn't mean that the person died for no reason. Its just that no one knew that the person was at risk of sudden death.

Caryam · 02/08/2015 13:14

I know what you mean. I know a number of people who have lived very healthy lives, and still died young.

Original poster

pinktrufflechoc · 02/08/2015 13:15

People who would generally be considered to be fit and active june - don't be unpleasant, please; there's just no need for it.

OP posts:

UrethraFranklin1 · 02/08/2015 13:23

It does seem to be the case that so many people are totally and completely healthy and then they die and are not often when they're quite young

No. They obviously aren't completely healthy or they wouldn't die. What you mean is they SEEM totally healthy to you but they actually have a heart defect you can't see or something else thats invisible.

People die. Bodies go wrong, have problems, bits break. It's not a mystery.

Caryam · 02/08/2015 13:24

My MIL was very fit, ate healthy, had never been ill. She dropped dead in her early 60's. My FIL was always fat and ate unhealthily, and is doing well in his late 80's, in spite of a heart attack, heart failure, and diabetes.

parallax80 · 02/08/2015 13:28

The science-y 'why' and the existential 'why'?

SandysMam · 02/08/2015 13:28

Cilla Black died last night of natural causes at only 72. I think that seems so young to just die!! Try not to think about it too much OP, just enjoy life and don't sweat the small stuff!

Original poster

pinktrufflechoc · 02/08/2015 13:29

Yes, my dad died in his 60s and it was so so sudden.

I just don't feel like I'll ever understand it (please don't make biting comments about bodies breaking - I know, I know) - but I just can't fully understand how healthy and alive and real he was and never came home.

I understand my mum; she had cancer, people die of cancer, I get that. I just find my dad impossible! 4 years on and I still keep expecting him to walk through the door. Sorry, I know it's silly! Every time someone dies before their time I think how unfair but I also know someone dying in their 60s isn't that remarkable.

God I know what I mean!

OP posts:

ender · 02/08/2015 13:29

People with diagnosed illnesses are usually closely monitored by Drs, regular bp checks, blood tests etc so abnormalities are picked up. Same if someone's survived a heart attack or a stroke.
Apparently healthy people could have all kinds of things wrong with them and not know about it.

juneau · 02/08/2015 13:33

I'm not being unpleasant - I'm just calling you out for talking nonsense!

Otherwise healthy people die because something is wrong. Its just that no one KNEW that something was wrong. And yes, its horribly distressing and difficult to come to terms with. I'm not trying to diminish that.

SilverBirchWithout · 02/08/2015 13:36

The point is everyone dies. There are a number of causes of death. For some you can reduce the risk a bit by choosing a healthy lifestyle, other causes can happen to anyone and are not as a result of your general health.

80sMum · 02/08/2015 13:38

Longevity is greatly influenced by our genetic inheritance.

Original poster

pinktrufflechoc · 02/08/2015 13:39

June you could have said effectively the same thing without saying I was talking 'nonsense'; it was that I found unpleasant.

Great 80s, I've got about twenty five years left!

OP posts:

Caryam · 02/08/2015 13:39

I know so many people who have died relatively young. It is why I never understand those on here who seem to assume they will live into their 80's or 90's.

Original poster

pinktrufflechoc · 02/08/2015 13:40

I think I might get to 70 if I'm lucky.

I'm not fussed about my pension put it that way.

OP posts:

UrethraFranklin1 · 02/08/2015 13:41

You said something that was nonsense, someone merely pointed that out. Perhaps aibu was not the right place for you to post this.

CheeseBaguette · 02/08/2015 13:42

It is bizarre. Makes me wonder sometimes if it is all just fate. Perhaps we all have a time and date planned for our demise.

My Grandmother died a couple of years ago at 88. She was told at 45 she had so many health problems she was unlikley to see 50.

She had several operations for various different problems throughout my lifetime but was a very positive lady despite her problems and probable discomfort (she never complained or moaned). I wonder if it was her positive attitude that kept her going.

Meanwhile my friends father died suddenly of flu (proper flu) at the age of 44. She says she saw him the day before his death and yes he was unwell with flu, but nothing to make her worry, just ill like she and her mum had had the week before, shivers, high temp,no energy, in bed etc etc. It was my friends first day back at work after being off with the flu and she was still feeling drained and weak. She had a phonecall in her lunch break to tell her to go home, where her mum told her.

Her Dad has no underlying health issues, or none that were picked up on.

So young and so sudden. Very sad.

for those still feeling their loss.

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