To wonder why some people die early

[pinktrufflechoc]

It does seem to be the case that so many people are totally and completely healthy and then they die and are not often when they're quite young.

Yet really frail people who you'd almost expect to die sooner live well into their 90s.

I dunno. It's weird isn't it?

one of my friends died of SADS, autopsy didn't find reason why

there was thorough investigation because of insurance involved (she was a business owner with her dh and they had several mortgages on properties they owned so insurance company in US made sure everything was checked thoroughly)

she went to sleep on the sofa one evening and next morning at 8 AM her 11 year old daughter found her body

she was very healthy

her heart just stopped and that was it

she was 41, it happened 7 years ago

Well it's childlike then silver; I buried him but I still can't believe he's gone.

I xposted with her last post.

My DM died suddenly in her early fifties. It's difficult. But if OP wanted to talk about the grief process involved with sudden death, that isn't how she started the thread. She started it as seemingly a random thought, saying "dunno, weird isn't it?".
You can't give out to people for pointing out an obvious thing because OP changed the nature of the thread AFTER they pointed it out.

It is not childlike. It is very difficult to come to terms with a very sudden death. I have had this happen twice, once with a relative and once with a friend, and the shock and disbelief is overwhelming.

My brother died in his sleep at 24. He was perfectly healthyjust never woke up. It was recorded as sudden adult deathmost likely long QT syndrome, but I remember being told there's no way to know if someone has long QT once they're dead.

Long QT (problem with heart rhythms) is a common reason for young and seemingly healthy people dying.

People often say that they would like to die in their sleep, but the idea that you d just not wake up at 24 is not something people think about.

Sorry for crap typing. On my phone.

My husband was fit and healthy a non-smoker, went to work, laughing and joking with friends walked away and literally dropped down dead - the only explanation the coroner could give was that his heart stopped at the wrong moment and his body went into shock- the post mortem did not reveal any underlying causes. He was 55 and I miss him every single day- still can't believe that a normal day turned into a nightmare.

I think the likes of FB don't help.

Twenty years ago you would only have heard of many one 'young' person/child etc dying...friend of a friend or a neighbour for eg.

Now, you don't even have to have known them vaguely. Now it's all over your newsfeed.

I'm so sorry dont how awful

and rose sorry x post

NeedanInsight - No I personally know a number of people who have died younger. Two were unsurprising as they lived very unhealthy lives. But others were unexpected. The causes are known and include cancer, undetected heart problems, and an embolism, but some of them lived very very healthy lives.

Dont, am so sorry. Life really has no reasons sometimes. Makes me wonder.

Genetically inherited diseases, or a genetically inherited pre-disposition to develop certain diseases/conditions?

Also, I wonder if its possible to inherit traits that pre-dispose to dieing young. I remember reading about two brothers from the same family who had fallen from footbridges over motorways where they had been sitting over the edge, as part of a dare. Their naturally distraught mother however blamed it on "the authorities", for not having rails up preventing people from climbing onto the bridge...

OP, I had Pneumonia, at 40 and was told that if I had of been a smoker I would of died.

I worked with adults with disabilities and in End of life Care, I've also supported people with HIV.

I'd agree that we are fooled into thinking that if we satisfy enough "tick boxes", weight, eating habits, exercise, we are healthy, but the truth is that you can't state that, or fully predict what will happen.

From what I understand, Doctors can understand why someone died.

What they can't always explain is why someone is still surviving, a loose explanation is genetics, physiology and "the Human Spirit", but it's just that we don't have the full knowledge, yet.

My Mum should of passed away, multiple issues, we're from Native American background and living into your 90's, through ill health/malnutrition etc was the norm. Had she of dies a lot sooner, the Doctors could tell me why, how she's still alive, is met with "some people have strong resistance". Even at her age, she regrets making the decisions (carrying on smoking etc), that have taken up to five more years from her.

We don't expect our Parents to die, likewise our children, in the developed world, it does sometimes need help to process.

June, you are actually writing nonsense, some deaths, albeit rare, are inexplicable and sometimes attributed to undiagnosed heart problems etc.

Yes, occasionally a death is unexplained by autopsy, but that doesn't mean that the person died for no reason. It means that the coroner was unable to find the reason, which is different.

Look, I'm not trying to upset anyone or be offensive, but I found the initial premise of this post nonsensical and some of the responses like 'it was just their time' or 'everything happens for a reason' are the kind of ridiculous platitudes that people trot out and I find them really annoying. Clearly it can be very hard to get one's head around an unexplained death or the death of someone who outwardly appeared healthy and 'full of life' (whatever that means), but there is always an explanation. Just because it can be hard for lay people to understand that explanation doesn't mean that there isn't one.

juneau, you may be right that all deaths have a reason behind them, and "for no reason" just means that the coroner couldn't find one. But being right isn't everything. There is grief and humanity in the OP, not just logic and semantics.

But in your own terms: in your first paragraph you say that an unexplained death simply means that the coroner was "unable to find the reason". In your second you say it's ridiculous for people to say that "everything happens for a reason". Which do you mean?

I think Need is right. Newsfeed gets flooded with it . So you think it's more the 'norm' instead of rare albeit very sad and tragic, cases.
I have been thinking of nothing else for the last few weeks and have a current post re my v young cat dying two weeks ago. Cat could be substituted for 'human' in terms of your q, OP, trying to rationalise how a seemingly healthy young being could pass so suddenly.
With my cat is was almost definitely sudden death syndrome, his heart just stopped.(we did have autopsy) In this case, the first sign of anything being wrong can be death. As with people.
I had gone through the whole 'it's fate, it was his time' scenarios. The guilt i.e. 'was it something we did wrong' etc. No, we didn't. I don't believe it was his time either. He didn't drag himself off to die like old cats do. He wasn't prepared but it was some comfort to us that it obviously happened in a split second.
To me it's nature, simply nature. Had a long chat about this yesterday with DP when we were walking in the woods. I've spent two weeks cursing fate and thinking the universe was somehow against us(we've both had a tough few years). No, it's not. This is just my opinion, but it's nature, pure and simple. I noticed some of the trees around us had diseases. Some may have started life like that. Others developed later perhaps, a tree that had been super healthy and flourishing. Nature isn't cruel when it creates something wonderful such as a new baby. It also isn't cruel when it causes natural disasters such as tsunamis. It doesn't feel, it doesn't think, it doesn't make decisions. It is what it is. And also we say our precious pet was taken from us,yet he wasn't in the strict sense. He didn't belong to us anymore than a human owns another human. Nature is stronger than our human sense of possession. It's the natural law and it does seem like such a cruel unfair lottery at times (this is how I have often referred to my infertility. but i'm starting to turn it round. I felt such a victim. Now i'm more, 'why not me'? rather than why me, why me who wanted kids so much)
I felt life was cruel and unfair but it isn't. Humans are cruel and unfair.
It's very hard to put this into words! and hope it doesn't come across as too 'hippy dippy' (which I' m not) (believe me, I've been thrashing all this out for two weeks now)

(I don't have the answers and perhaps i came to that conclusion in the woods yesterday as a way of self preservation and comfort, as have been a total mess.. but like to think that i'm getting things into a different perspective and mind shift now as i really was being very much 'well this is it, everything's going wrong again, i give up')

Nature is also full of flaws. or perceived flaws. and it's meant to be that way, too. The dying plant, the sick pet or human with a genetic disease etc etc. It's hard to get my head around.. but I know that's as normal and natural as the living being/plant that is perceived to be 'perfect' and healthy. Whatever perfect is. Is it a way of keeping down population? be it plant or human/animal. I don't know. I wish i did. But I do believe it's natural. Doesn't make it any easier when we lose a loved one. I have lost loved relatives too young as i have pets. I spent a long time being bitter being angry. Until i realised i didn't have anyone or anything specific to be angry with. I still feel angry re my pet. but i know it's futile and aimed at nothing in particular. If it was at a human (e.g. if he'd been poisoned )i'd have more reason and focus to hate and anger. But i don't. It is a weird feeling when there really is nothing and no one to blame

And i'm so sorry for your loss, OP.

The thing is that sudden death (like with me brother) 'lives on' with the worry that my DC might have it. I've been told that even though they're OK now, it's something that can develop at points through childhood. It can also be difficult to detect in some people--basically, getting the all clear doesn't necessarily give you 100% peace of mind. This is all what I've been told a little while back. I've actually got a referral to a cardiologist who has an expertise in long QT syndrome because I'm taking a medication that causes it as a side effect. I'm glad that I'll be able to ask for more clarity on it all.

Surely one of the most wonderful and the most dreadful things about life is the fact that not everything can be explained. The use of the word nonsense is both patronising and derogative. Nobody knows why my DH died, it was shit, equally no one knows why some days the perfect sunset happens the day you most need cheering up. Life can be beautiful and terrible and science cannot explain it all.

Sorry, I meant to say that the worry about 'long QT syndrome' lives on.

Because when people trot out 'everything happens for a reason' I feel they usually mean it in an existential way, not in a practical one.