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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To wonder why some people die early

126 replies

pinktrufflechoc · 02/08/2015 13:02

It does seem to be the case that so many people are totally and completely healthy and then they die and are not often when they're quite young.

Yet really frail people who you'd almost expect to die sooner live well into their 90s.

I dunno. It's weird isn't it?

OP posts:

CrystalSkull · 02/08/2015 15:40

I think it is true to say that some bodies break down or develop problems sooner than others. These problems may or may not lead to death but they often accumulate as time goes on. Some people are still sprightly and healthy in their 90s whereas others never get that far - regardless of whether they've led healthy lives or not.

Peshwari · 02/08/2015 16:01

The thing is, Sudden Adult death is not exceedingly rare. It's something like 12 young people a week die from undiagnosed heart conditions, they don't all make the news. I personally know of 2 people who went to sleep and never woke up.

AugustHasToBeBetter · 02/08/2015 16:24

A sudden death is a horrible shock and takes some getting over. I lost a parent who was 67 and it seemed too sudden and too young.

Now 18 years later one relief I have is that there wasn't an awful slow decline into distressing ill health which I've seen now in others of that same generation. What seemed unfair then seems far less so now. I don't expect to live to a great age and that's fine by me.

Original poster

pinktrufflechoc · 02/08/2015 16:28

I do agree with that August but part of me is sad I never got to care for them as well.

OP posts:

FrizzyPig · 02/08/2015 16:46

My dad and his brother both died suddenly in their early fifties from heart attacks.

My older sister (in her late 20s) found out a few years ago that her blood pressure was dangerously high- it was at stroke level apparently. She's had all sorts of tests but they can't find a cause and so now she will have to take medication for the rest of her life.

She jokes that there's no point paying into her pension as she won't be here to ever collect it.

I don't know what to think about it all though but it does make me wonder !

Original poster

pinktrufflechoc · 02/08/2015 16:48

I can't honestly see how I'll ever live long enough to collect my pension either with retirement ages going up too.

OP posts:

expatinscotland · 02/08/2015 16:52

My daughter died of cancer at the age of 9. Now that is young. I will always wonder why. It is what it is. Not everyone lives a long time.

Mumoftwoyoungkids · 02/08/2015 16:55

Two people I know have died in the last year at the age of 34 and 35 respectively. One was from terminal cancer. We knew she was dying. We knew it was close to the end. She had outlived expectations by a good two years mainly through sheer will power. But the grief is still there.

The other I am less close to (a work colleague) but it was far more of a shock. He left work on Friday saying "see you Monday" and on Monday morning an email went round the office telling us he was dead. He got ill on Saturday and died on Sunday.

Work actually laid on counsellers because it is very very hard to get your head around. I'm struggling and I wasn't close to him - my emotions are shock rather than grief IYSWIM. For those that were those to him it must be very hard.

Baddz · 02/08/2015 17:00

A very senior oncologist said that a third of cancer deaths are due to lifestyle factors (drink, drugs etc) and 2 thirds are just plain bad luck/genetics.
There will always be tragic accidents etc.

Original poster

pinktrufflechoc · 02/08/2015 17:00

I'm sorry expat

OP posts:

Baddz · 02/08/2015 17:03

With my dad (dropped dead at 67) I could sort of see why.
He smoked from being a teen.
Ate lots of lovely but bad food.
Didn't exercise.
My mum is now 69 and has multiple health issues - again due to smoking for years (she gave up after we lost dad)
My cholesterol is on the high side. I have just started hrt. I can't imagine me making it to Great age.
expat

Mrsjayy · 02/08/2015 17:17

I think 72 is entering old age i dont know why people are saying its quite young it isnt really although it is a shock but not a surprise when people in their 70s die both my grans were mid70s . I dont mean to offend anybody honest

Baddz · 02/08/2015 17:26

Late 70s is the average age of death in the UK isn't it?
For women, anyway.

Original poster

pinktrufflechoc · 02/08/2015 17:27

My mum was 52 and my dad 66 so both quite a bit below average.

OP posts:

Baddz · 02/08/2015 17:29

Just checked....apparently it's 82

Baddz · 02/08/2015 17:31

My pils are both early 70s and are slowing down and both on statins, beta blockers etc.

Mrsjayy · 02/08/2015 17:36

My mil died at 60 she had a terrible lifestyle though and seemed to be old before her time if that makes sense

Atenco · 02/08/2015 17:43

OP, I think the trouble with apparently healthy people dropping dead is that it does take a long time for the people who loved them to come to terms with it.
My mother died of cancer and most of my grieving process happened before she died but I really would have much preferred her to have died suddenly of a heart condition.

It is hard when someone we love is no longer with us, but your father sounds like he had a very high quality life and didn't suffer years of illness, isn't that a blessing?

Original poster

pinktrufflechoc · 02/08/2015 17:50

He didn't have s very high quality life. He never really got over my mum dying.

OP posts:

Athenaviolet · 02/08/2015 17:52

It's 82 for DCs born today.

You can look up the life expectancy for the age you are at now.

Caryam · 02/08/2015 17:58

Yes you are right violet. I have just looked it up and for someone born in 1968, the average life expectancy is 74.8 years old.
I thought retirement ages were being increased because we were all going to live a long time. According to this I will be retired for 7.8 years before dying.

StarlingMurmuration · 02/08/2015 18:01

My brother died of pneumonia aged 37 - he had no underlying illnesses. Sometimes people do just die, even if they were perfectly healthy three days earlier. Sorry about your dad, OP.

Athenaviolet · 02/08/2015 18:07

Yes the age of people retiring and living for 40 years are over.

Caryam · 02/08/2015 18:12

Violet - That was only ever a small minority of people.

TopazRocks · 02/08/2015 18:13

Yes, I know what you mean. I put it down to 'shit happens'. My birth family aren't great for longevity, yet I had an uncle who lived into this 90s. He defied the odds totally - grew up and lived all his days in a notoriously deprived part of Glasgow, worked in the tobacco industry from 14 to retirement age) and developed a related cancer (but was a non-smoker), and his diet was officially rubbish - he hated fruit and veg!! My dad used to joke about him being a 'reverse vegetarian'. He spent years just getting bits of tumour removed and never talked about it. His wife - similar background though no working at Will's - lived to her 90s too.

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