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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

swimmimg changing rooms

85 replies

memorial · 08/06/2015 17:58

Swimming lessons in a school pool. Male and female changing rooms
No family rooms no cubicles
DD2 is 8 and very self conscious.
Arrive tonight to find a adult male with his maybe 5/6 yr old daughter in the
ladies changing.
DD2 mortified and refused to change till he had left.
As this is a school there are no other adults or kids here other than lessons.
I think he should have taken her in the men's, but am prepared to be told IABU?

OP posts:

MythicalKings · 08/06/2015 17:59

YANBU. He should have taken her into a cubicle in the men's changing room.

Original poster

memorial · 08/06/2015 18:01

Because it's a school there are no cubicles in the changing rooms.

OP posts:

LaurieFairyCake · 08/06/2015 18:02

Not if there's no cubicles in the men's either. Why should his daughter have to get changed in front of a load of men?

I'd have waited til he left and then got me and Dd changed - no other option

Or I'd have used the loos

ThatWasMyFavouriteDressNow · 08/06/2015 18:05

Hmmm! But maybe his DD is "very self conscious" and refused to change in the male changing room.
Difficult one. I have no answer really.

NeedAScarfForMyGiraffe · 08/06/2015 18:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ThatWasMyFavouriteDressNow · 08/06/2015 18:08

I'd have waited til he left and then got me and Dd changed - no other optionOr I'd have used the loos

Well I have an answer now. Why didn't I think of that.
Problem solved.

Narnia72 · 08/06/2015 18:11

Tricky one. I think the dad should have changed his daughter in the loos in that scenario, or maybe asked a mum if she would help. My nearly 8 year old is getting to the stage where she doesn't want anyone to see her getting changed, and she wouldn't have felt comfortable.

Are all the swimming lessons just for children, or do any adults go in with the kids? We used to have a situation where there were 95% mums and babies in a class, and occasionally a dad came. Because it was a tiny school pool the mums used to use both male and female changing rooms, and it was always tricky when a dad came. Either they had to kick all the mums out or wait.

I'd have a quiet word with the teacher and just make them aware. Adult males really shouldn't be in the female changing rooms (or vice versa).

ghostyslovesheep · 08/06/2015 18:15

he was changing his daughter so I don't see the issue

your daughter would have to wait if she was worried

there isn't another solution

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 08/06/2015 18:16

Memorial - could she put her swimsuit on under her clothes at home, so she'd only have to get fully undressed when changing afterwards? That might take some of the worry out for her.

Fwiw, if I go to the beach, I always do this, so I don't have to try to get changed in public, and when I've had my swim, I often towel myself dry over my swim suit, then just shove a dress or skirt and t-shirt over the damp swimsuit and go home like that.

ThatWasMyFavouriteDressNow · 08/06/2015 18:18

I think he should have taken her in the men's, but am prepared to be told IABU?

Actually, thinking about it, maybe YABU. Would your DD prefer to get changed in front of loads of boys her own age or in front of one man while with her mother?"

What if you had an 8 year old DS? Which changing room would you bring him into?

SomethingFunny · 08/06/2015 18:19

Childrens swimming lessons so only children swimming? He should have changed his daughter in the boys. Same way that ladies change their young boys in the girls. Once she is old enough (or at latest when she is 8) she can change herself in the girls and he can wait outside.

I can't see the dilemma really?

Andrewofgg · 08/06/2015 18:21

YANBU. They should go in the men's changing room because he is a man.

The club-pool I use has a rule: children go in the changing room for their own gender from the eighth birthday up. Difficult for a man with a DD or a woman with a DS who is too old to come with them, but that's their problem.

I once told a man who brought a DD who must have been 9 or 10 in that he would have to send her to change in the ladies' changing room on her own. He said that "she'd fool around and take for ever" - I believed him but I insisted and said I would make an issue with the management and he gave way with a bad grace.

Narnia72 What is the issue? Obviously if a father came the mothers would not be able to use the male changing room.

Walkingonsunshine00 · 08/06/2015 18:22

Defo should have been girl into men's!!!

SomethingFunny · 08/06/2015 18:22

Just to add- my 7 yr old DS changes in the boys by himself in the same scenario (school pool swimming lessons) and I wait outside.

If it was my 5 yr old DS he would be getting changed in the girls with me there until he was old enough/sensible enough to change by himself (or 8, whichever came first).

arethereanyleftatall · 08/06/2015 18:22

Eh?? Am I reading this right? An adult male in the ladies changing room? If that's right, then that's not acceptable under any curcunstances.

DancingDinosaur · 08/06/2015 18:23

Difficult one. I see your point but see his too. Maybe get her one of those big beach towel things that she can drop over ger head so she can change underneath it. I have the same situation at swimming, although dd isnt too bothered. The man in our changing room just concentrates on his dd though, he's not looking around. So it doesn't seem like a problem.

CaptainHolt · 08/06/2015 18:24

I think he should have gone into the boys. In a normal public pool she would still be going into the men's at 5/6 if she was with her Dad. The other girls can't really be expected to adjust their behaviour to accommodate him in the girls room as they might be halfway through getting changed when he comes in - Unless they put a sign up saying that men are allowed in the girls and the girls can lump it wait

What's the age range of the the girls?

sadwidow28 · 08/06/2015 18:26

There was a thread last week about a Mum who was upset that another Mum invited her DS into the ladies' changing room.

Where do parents go to change for swimming when they are mixed genders? Is it the child's gender that is over-riding or the parent's gender? What do you do when it is mixed DC genders?

My local swimming baths actually offer 'family changing rooms' which include cubicles so I could always take DN swimming and we could change discretely from one another! (I didn't want DN aged 9 looking at my boobs and he didn't want me seeing his private part!)

Andrewofgg · 08/06/2015 18:29

Family areas are ideal if they are there - but if they are not it's the parent's gender which overrides.

ThatWasMyFavouriteDressNow · 08/06/2015 18:29

I think the dad should have changed his daughter in the loos in that scenario, or maybe asked a mum if she would help. My nearly 8 year old is getting to the stage where she doesn't want anyone to see her getting changed, and she wouldn't have felt comfortable.
Sorry, but if yourif your DD feels uncomfortable getting changed in front of other people, maybe you should be changing her in the loos and not expecting everyo e else to change in the loos while she has changing room to herself.

Where ddshould I change my DS (who is very self concious)? In girls changing.? Boys changing (where there could be other "self concious" boys who wouldn't want to get changed in front of me) ? Or loos?
Why don't we all get changed in the loo? That is the only fair solution.
Or maybe teach our children to be more comfortable in these situations.

Hoppityhippityhop · 08/06/2015 18:30

I think he should have been in the male changing room. Mothers take 5 year old boys into female changing rooms and fathers should mirror this. I think every female has the right to expect to not find adult men in female changing rooms.

tbtc · 08/06/2015 18:30

Adult men should not be in female changing rooms and adult women should not be in male changing rooms.

As a woman I may take my 6 year old son into the female changing rooms.
As a man my husband may take my 6 year old daughter into the male changing rooms.

Andrewofgg · 08/06/2015 18:33

tbtc Quite so, but train them both once there to act independently and cope with the arrangements ready for the day when they will have to go to their own gender's changing room.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 08/06/2015 18:35

If it were my daughter - and I was in your position OP, or the dad's, I would have brought a loose dress to fling over the swimsuit and a towel for her to sit on in the car - and she could have showered/dressed at home. It's hot weather, she would have been dry in an instant anyway.

If I weren't prepared, ie. didn't know that there were no cubicles, would have used a loo.

arethereanyleftatall · 08/06/2015 18:46

The rules in every pool are simple...
Parents gender overrides until age 8. (So dads in males, mums in females plus their offspring of whichever gender).
Then child needs to go in own gender, on own if necessary.

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