swimmimg changing rooms

[memorial]

Swimming lessons in a school pool. Male and female changing rooms
No family rooms no cubicles
DD2 is 8 and very self conscious.
Arrive tonight to find a adult male with his maybe 5/6 yr old daughter in the
ladies changing.
DD2 mortified and refused to change till he had left.
As this is a school there are no other adults or kids here other than lessons.
I think he should have taken her in the men's, but am prepared to be told IABU?

[BigChocFrenzy]

Adult men should not be in female changing rooms and adult women should not be in male changing rooms.
This. He is breaking the rules.

We must maintain safe spaces for females. Some girls and women have been abused, or have cultural reasons, or simply wish privacy.

If he enters the females' changing rooms again, complain immediately to the staff.

Suppose an unaccompanied girl was in the changing room, noone else and then a completely unrelated man was allowed in. Isn't that a safeguarding issue ?

[Thymeout]

If parents aren't allowed in the pool, how old is the youngest child having lessons?

At school, 4 yr olds have to change for PE by themselves. Surely they have been taught to dry themselves after a bath by then.

If no adults were allowed in the changing rooms, this wouldn't be a problem.

Sometimes I think we've lost sight of what children are capable of doing. At 8, my cousin and I used to go swimming on our own, catching a bus there and back and buying a hot drink afterwards. It was normal in those days.

[FloraFox]

YANBU he should have changed her at home or in the loo. I'm shocked that others are suggesting the OP's DD should have got changed in the loo to accommodate an adult man in the women's changing area.

[BigChocFrenzy]

Thyme That was me and my chums too

[RoganJosh]

If it's only the children getting changed then it doesn't matter as much (to me). You've got a girl getting changed in front of a man whichever changing room the man went into.

[Andrewofgg]

If the child and the parent are of opposite genders and the child is too young to change alone, there is a problem to which another poster provided the answer upthread.

The child wears trunks/costume under outdoor clothes to arrive and then wears a towelling robe over swimming gear to go - if by car, on a towel on the seat.

Not ideal, but it works, and avoids adults being in the wrong changing room which is just not on - either way round. I would hit the roof if a mother brought a boy, however unable to cope on his own, into the men's changing room.

[CaptainHolt]

If it's only the children getting changed then it doesn't matter as much (to me). You've got a girl getting changed in front of a man whichever changing room the man went into.

But in one case you have a 5/6 yo getting in changes in front of her own dad, and in the other you have 8/9/10 you getting changed in front of an unknown man, in a dedicated female space.

[memorial]

roganjosh - it may not make any difference to you, but to a shy little girl just becoming aware of her body, its a really big deal.
We teach them to be body aware, to respect their bodies, to be aware of privacy, not to allow strangers to see/touch. And then this is ok.
Actually after this thread I think I am NOT BU, and have emailed the swim school to let them know my concern.

[FireCanal]

If the usual cut-off is 8, that should apply across the board, i.e. if any of the children using the changing room are likely to be 8 or over, adults of the opposite sex should keep out.

[blink1552]

Quite, CaptainHolt. RoganJosh it might not make any difference to you but it might make a lot of difference to an 11 year old who's already wearing bras. Whereas few 5 year olds will care one way or another.

At school, the class splits by gender for changing for PE from about Y4, so age 8. After that age the girls don't change in sight of boys or male teachers. Why should she have to at swimming lessons?

[TheNewStatesman]

Thymeout--Hmmm, but when 4yo change for PE at school, there is a supervising teacher there and a child-friendly environment. The thing about public changing rooms is that they have lockers and keys and what-not. Some kids may struggle with some aspects of it.

[aurynne]

Surely a 5 year old and an 8 year old can change themselves???

[MokunMokun]

At the pool where my son has swimming lessons there is a sign up saying that parents helping their kids get dressed should use the changing room appropriate for the adult and it is fine for boys to use the girls changing room and vice versa.

My son is 6 and gets changed himself though. I doubt he'd want to use the girls changing room.

[MixedMessages]

Absolutely incredible that people are arguing that it is acceptable for an adult male to be in a female changing room.

No 8 year old girl should be made to feel uncomfortable by the presence of an adult male in what is clearly defined as a female space.

[shouldnthavesaid]

Unisex is so, so much easier IMO. It's the only thing my local pool seems to do right - one massive changing area for able bodied adults with cubicles ranging from individual to family sized. There's a second room for disabled adults with hoist, etc. That's a school swimming pool as well...

I remember my dad taking me into the men's - no idea what they are like now but I hated it as there were no cubicles and everyone stared at me. If as you say it's only boys under 10 probably not so mortifying though!

[morage]

He should have used the toilets. Totally understand his DD not wanting to change in front of boys and men, but other girls won't want to change in front of her father.

[morage]

And I am very surprised that his DD simply couldn't manage herself in the female changing room. But there are ways round it if she genuinely can't.

[KoalaDownUnder]

Adult men should not be in female changing rooms and adult women should not be in male changing rooms.

Totally agree.

Adults who think it's okay to go into the opposite gender changing room because it suits them and their child are self-absorbed and rude, IMO. It's completely unfair on the other patrons.

[WayneRooneysHair]

I think that I can kind of understand why the dad did it, why should he take his DD into the boys changing room and make her feel uncomfortable but it's not something that I'd personally do, I'd change her in a toilet cubicle or something.

[lambsie]

One local pool has it's disabled facilities within the male and female changing rooms making them inaccessible for many people. I wish peoples needs were considered and not the assumption that everyone has the same sex carer.

[Hoppityhippityhop]

Wayne I just can't see that argument. To save the modesty or feelings of one girl an adult man went into the female only changing area and potentially made an entire room of girls feel uncomfortable. As a child I would certainly have found the presence of this man difficult.

It was his responsibility to work out a solution:

• his daughter puts on her swimming costume at home / travels home in a damp costume with joggers and a sweat shirt on top.
  
• as it's a school changing room, so a school or club based activity, there must have been women he could have asked to keep an eye on his daughter while she was in the changing room. The parents must be on nodding terms, or daughter must have a friend she could have pal'd up with.
  

This man needs to work out a solution that does not involve invading a female only space. Where does this end? He takes his daughter to a public swimming pool and he walks into the female changing room there? He walks into public female toilets with his daughter? He takes his daughter clothes shopping and walks into a female changing room there? Men just do not have the right to impose their presence on girls and women in a female only space.

[DrDre]

I'm male, I'd never under any circumstances go into the female changing room. My daughter (6 years old) comes with me into the male facilities when we go swimming. It's a no brainer.

[Hoppityhippityhop]

My DH is definitely with you DrDre.

[MamanOfThree]

Well I really don't think that men should be in women's changing room ever (and the other way around).

However, I also think that to be so 'body aware' and 'shy' at 8yo is also not that right either. There is no need for any child to be shy about his/her own body at 8yo.

I would say there is a need to both ensure that there are no adult of the opposite sex in the changing room AND that your dd learns to relax a bit about her body.

[lambsie]

I think toilets are different from changing rooms and although I wouldn't take my 8 year old into a female changing room, he does come into the ladies toilet with me (comes into the cubicle with me) if there is no other option as he can't be left on his own. I will continue to do this as he gets older if it's the choice of use the ladies or pee myself. In some cases locally the accessible toilet is within the ladies so again there is no choice.