swimmimg changing rooms

[memorial]

Swimming lessons in a school pool. Male and female changing rooms
No family rooms no cubicles
DD2 is 8 and very self conscious.
Arrive tonight to find a adult male with his maybe 5/6 yr old daughter in the
ladies changing.
DD2 mortified and refused to change till he had left.
As this is a school there are no other adults or kids here other than lessons.
I think he should have taken her in the men's, but am prepared to be told IABU?

Andrew Trust me, my main mission on this earth is to send two independent young men into the world, who can look after themselves!

It's looking OK so far for the 16yo. Work still in progress with the 6 yo, but I think I could trust him to get himself dressed in the male changing room by himself.

I doubt know. I wouldn't want my dd getting changed in front of a load of men but at the same time my dds had a right to privacy in the girls changing room. I think you could see it as yet another time where men are going in to female spaces.

He should have really found a toilet to change her in.

As a single mum of a boy..My Ds came in female changing with me up until the age he could change himself. I did have to send a lifeguard into mens once as him and his friend had been over 20 mins getting changed...

the rules are usually really simple and easy

men in male changing room
women in female changing room

girls/boys under 8 (typical age requirement, have also seen 7) can use either

so he could either take his daughter in the male changing room or send her in to female changing room alone

easy

But the OP said this is a school pool, used just for lessons, so no other adults there (I assume she means no other adults than other parents). This is a completely different situation than in a public seimming pool when I would agree that an adult man should not be in a women's changing room. But in this situation, I think the man is probably right to let his DD change in the girls' changing room. At the school pool at which my DD does her lessons on the evenings, there is only one big changing room. Children taking lessons are between 6 and 12ish and all have to change together. Obviously, many of them use a towel etc to ensure they keep their privacy. Some parents (male and female) go in to help their younger DC whilst older children are typically getting themselves changed.

its the same at any school pool i have ever been to. they are also usually used outside school hours. women, even the instructors, could be using them. i would always ask/tell a man to leave, not that it has ever happened to me as the rules are clear and simple

Adult men can't go in female changing rooms under any normal circumstances, can they? And vice versa, obviously!

I'm another in the camp that children with a male parent use the men's until old enough to go unaccompanied.

He should definitely not be in the girls - he must find a different solution to his problem.

What the actual fuck? An adult male was in the female changing rooms? Seriously uncool. No adult should be in the other adult sex changing rooms.

Agree. No adult male should be in the female changing room. No excuses.

I can't believe that people are suggesting ways the OP should have covered up her daughter so she didn't feel uncomfortable changing in a FEMALE changing room infront of a MALE who shouldn't have been there.

I would have been mortified at her age too. He shouldn't have been in there. If his daughter was old enough to be embarrassed at getting changed in the men's she would be old enough to dress herself.

Does no one else teach their kids the "Mr bean method "of changing under a towel / poncho?

It's a life skill and negates most of this anxiety - also allows you to change on Brighton beach without flashing

I can't imagine going in the male changing rooms. It would just never occur to me that it was something I should do.

An adult male should not ever be int ladies.

They should just make all changing rooms unisex to avoid this kind of hysteria.

So an adult male is ok if he's changing a girl, but a boy over 8 should go in the male changing room in his own.

In what world is it ok for a male adult but not a child. I dont get it

Did I understand well in saying that there was only young children getting changed there? No adults or teenagers?

In that case, I think that was OK as he was helping his dd.

If there was any chance for an older child/teenager being there or an adult, then there is no way he should have been there.

OP, what would you dd have done if it had been your DH taking her swim?

it isn't ok at all. it definitely is not allowed at our pool. i doubt it is allowed at ops pool if she asks. there is no way of saying how old the children could be, or if the instructors also change there (ours do sometimes) and its a really really simple rule: no men in the female changing rooms

If it was kids lessons, and only little kids getting changed, I can sort of understand why he took her into the ladies. Presumably more comfortable for the child being changed with children of the same sex, regardless of parents sex.

Maman age 8+, as OP's DD is, should be fine to get changed unaccompanied.

If I was the dad (even though I'm female!) in this situation I wouldn't have dreamt of going in the ladies changing rooms, I would have found a bathroom or taken her in swimming costume with dress on top and just take it off and she is done (then toilets to get changed after)

It is difficult when you have a child of the opposite gender to you and they are in the in between age of just not quite old enough to do things on their own but kind of too old to be taken into the toilets etc with you like you would a toddler, but you just have to find ways to adapt that don't make other people feel uncomfortable

Sorry to post and run, was doing post swimming bath/hair/dinner. A mixed bag of responses, not surprisingly as I wasnt entirely sure of how I felt about it.
To clarify some points.
This is a school pool, small and private, no public swimming, no adults swimming or getting changed.
Only 2/3 small groups of children, all under about 10 at the oldest.
As its a school, the changing rooms are boy/girl only, no family cubicles, no closed/private cubicles, open showers and the toilets arent very private either.
We have been having lessons here for 18 months and never had this occur previously, hence no need for cossie under clothes or big towels to change under. Plenty of dads bring their DC but always go in the boys change room, likewise mums bring little boys in the ladies. I hate noted some girls changing alone and likewise some boys go in alone to change in the boys.
If I had a DH (which I dont and I dont think DD2's dad has ever taken her swimming), DD2 would get changed by herself, she would have no desire for her dad to help her, and would definitely not go in the mens.
No hysteria at all (who ever said that). My DD2 is not hysterical, just private and we respect that as adults.
I think he should have abided by the adults in the appropriate sex changing room. Whilst I appreciate his problem, not wanting to take his DD in the mens, there would have been NO adult men changing in their, only boys under 8/10. And surely my DD is entitled to same sex privacy in the girls change room. She can just about bear the little boys.

He should have taken his daughter into the men's changing room.

Dh took the madthings swimming last week, he took dd age four into the men's room, once she is a bit older and can get dry and dressed she wl go in the ladies if he takes her. Just like when I took the boys under 7? They came in the ladies with me, once capable they went in the men's. All the pools I have been to say under eights change with parent in whatever changing room is relevant for the parent. Once 8 and above they go in the correct room for their gender.