swimmimg changing rooms

[memorial]

Swimming lessons in a school pool. Male and female changing rooms
No family rooms no cubicles
DD2 is 8 and very self conscious.
Arrive tonight to find a adult male with his maybe 5/6 yr old daughter in the
ladies changing.
DD2 mortified and refused to change till he had left.
As this is a school there are no other adults or kids here other than lessons.
I think he should have taken her in the men's, but am prepared to be told IABU?

[Andrewofgg]

I rang my club this morning posing as a potential new member with an SN eleven who could not cope alone, could I take her with me through the men's side?

No.Please bring her with her costume under her day-clothes. But they will arrange, discreetly, for me to take her to the life-guard's room to change into her dry clothes afterwards. However, if she cannot cope alone in the women's showers she cannot have a shower - a man may want to use the men's showers at any point and they cannot close them off for her.

Which all sounded fair enough to me.

[CSIJanner]

I have various swim classes for mini-CSI's during the week. Only one private swimming pool, closed to members etc for school children swim lessons, has 8 notices up warning that during swim classes, fathers were permitted to use the women's wet change room. It's flagged everywhere but TBF, the dad's stems to use the family or men's change rooms instead. All other pools insist that men use men or women use the ladies for swim changing when accompanying their children. As people have said before, it's a no brainer.

[SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius]

Of course, the solution I suggested for the OP would work equally well for a dad taking his young daughter swimming, and not sure where to get her changed.

Costume on under clothes - easy to change for swimming. Afterwards, towel off over costume, put minimum of clothes on over damp cossie, shower, dry and dress at home.

[lambsie]

I agree that if someone can manage to use the toilets by themselves then they should be in the correct toilets. So 10 year old boys shouldn't be on their own in ladies toilets. A fully chaperoned 10 year old boy may in a few cases have to use the ladies and this should be seen as reasonable. Changing rooms are different.

[Micah]

I was in the ladies loo at a sports centre the other week when a mother send her 9/10 year old boy in, by himself, yelling she'd wait outside.

Why couldn't she have sent him in the mens and waited outside?

I am getting pissed off at the attitude these days of bringer older boys into female spaces. When I get my DD changed for swimming there are more boys running around unsupervised, waving willies and staring at teenage girls, than there are females.

Personally, I don't care who sees my bits. But I do care that some people think any male over 8 is entitled to use a female only space.

Do women really think mens changing rooms are stuffed with peeeedo's?

[Andrewofgg]

In some cases locally the accessible toilet is within the ladies

Now that's rotten design. Older buildings often don't have an accessible loo and there may be no reasonable option to provide one, that's the legacy of history. But to build an accessible loo where half the population and 100% of fathers can't get to it is bizarre.

[ArcheryAnnie]

Adult men should not be in the women's changing rooms under any circumstances.

He should have changed her in the loos.

[BarbarianMum]

Maman that's a lovely sentiment but some people (inc children) are naturally private about their bodies. One of my sons is like this, and he certainly didn't get it from us. I think I have to respect his preferences even if I don't share them.

[morage]

And lots of 8 year old girls would be shy in front of a strange man. I wouldn't have wanted to change into a costume at 8 in front of a man who was not my dad.

[BarbarianMum]

Adult men should not be in female changing rooms and adult women should not be in male changing rooms.

It's really not hard to understand, is it? At the pools we use its very common for little boys to change in the women's changing room, or little girls to change in the mens but adults stick to their own.

[lambsie]

I think toilets are different from changing rooms and although I wouldn't take my 8 year old into a female changing room, he does come into the ladies toilet with me (comes into the cubicle with me) if there is no other option as he can't be left on his own. I will continue to do this as he gets older if it's the choice of use the ladies or pee myself. In some cases locally the accessible toilet is within the ladies so again there is no choice.

[MamanOfThree]

Well I really don't think that men should be in women's changing room ever (and the other way around).

However, I also think that to be so 'body aware' and 'shy' at 8yo is also not that right either. There is no need for any child to be shy about his/her own body at 8yo.

I would say there is a need to both ensure that there are no adult of the opposite sex in the changing room AND that your dd learns to relax a bit about her body.

[Hoppityhippityhop]

My DH is definitely with you DrDre.

[DrDre]

I'm male, I'd never under any circumstances go into the female changing room. My daughter (6 years old) comes with me into the male facilities when we go swimming. It's a no brainer.

[Hoppityhippityhop]

Wayne I just can't see that argument. To save the modesty or feelings of one girl an adult man went into the female only changing area and potentially made an entire room of girls feel uncomfortable. As a child I would certainly have found the presence of this man difficult.

It was his responsibility to work out a solution:

• his daughter puts on her swimming costume at home / travels home in a damp costume with joggers and a sweat shirt on top.
  
• as it's a school changing room, so a school or club based activity, there must have been women he could have asked to keep an eye on his daughter while she was in the changing room. The parents must be on nodding terms, or daughter must have a friend she could have pal'd up with.
  

This man needs to work out a solution that does not involve invading a female only space. Where does this end? He takes his daughter to a public swimming pool and he walks into the female changing room there? He walks into public female toilets with his daughter? He takes his daughter clothes shopping and walks into a female changing room there? Men just do not have the right to impose their presence on girls and women in a female only space.

[lambsie]

One local pool has it's disabled facilities within the male and female changing rooms making them inaccessible for many people. I wish peoples needs were considered and not the assumption that everyone has the same sex carer.

[WayneRooneysHair]

I think that I can kind of understand why the dad did it, why should he take his DD into the boys changing room and make her feel uncomfortable but it's not something that I'd personally do, I'd change her in a toilet cubicle or something.

[KoalaDownUnder]

Adult men should not be in female changing rooms and adult women should not be in male changing rooms.

Totally agree.

Adults who think it's okay to go into the opposite gender changing room because it suits them and their child are self-absorbed and rude, IMO. It's completely unfair on the other patrons.

[morage]

And I am very surprised that his DD simply couldn't manage herself in the female changing room. But there are ways round it if she genuinely can't.

[morage]

He should have used the toilets. Totally understand his DD not wanting to change in front of boys and men, but other girls won't want to change in front of her father.

[shouldnthavesaid]

Unisex is so, so much easier IMO. It's the only thing my local pool seems to do right - one massive changing area for able bodied adults with cubicles ranging from individual to family sized. There's a second room for disabled adults with hoist, etc. That's a school swimming pool as well...

I remember my dad taking me into the men's - no idea what they are like now but I hated it as there were no cubicles and everyone stared at me. If as you say it's only boys under 10 probably not so mortifying though!

[MixedMessages]

Absolutely incredible that people are arguing that it is acceptable for an adult male to be in a female changing room.

No 8 year old girl should be made to feel uncomfortable by the presence of an adult male in what is clearly defined as a female space.

[MokunMokun]

At the pool where my son has swimming lessons there is a sign up saying that parents helping their kids get dressed should use the changing room appropriate for the adult and it is fine for boys to use the girls changing room and vice versa.

My son is 6 and gets changed himself though. I doubt he'd want to use the girls changing room.

[aurynne]

Surely a 5 year old and an 8 year old can change themselves???

[TheNewStatesman]

Thymeout--Hmmm, but when 4yo change for PE at school, there is a supervising teacher there and a child-friendly environment. The thing about public changing rooms is that they have lockers and keys and what-not. Some kids may struggle with some aspects of it.